Dancing with the Enemy

Tango can be just a dance.

But it can be much more.

When I am "expectant" and present, I feel a transfer of information.  More than just a transfer, I feel an understanding, an empathy.

The following personal experience is one of the most powerful examples of this:  I was leaving a very tense job because I felt under attack by my boss.  A good part of the staff saw her as "the enemy." When I got a new job, I arranged a going-away lunch buffet and got a salsa and tango partner to come teach my colleagues how to dance a little salsa and merengue.  She and I demonstrated a bit of tango and then salsa as a warm-up.  Connie, my salsa friend, taught the guests some salsa, and soon the staff were all out dancing and having fun.

Most going-away parties with this group were absolutely boring, but my "dance-away party" was probably the best party I have ever hosted.  At the very end the the party after the staff was gone, my boss, asked if we should dance a going-away salsa.  That was the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth -- an invitation to dance.

It was a chance to dance with the enemy.

She asked to dance salsa. I countered, suggesting that we dance a tango.  Given the chance to dance for peace, I knew that the tango embrace would be the better choice.  During the party, my boss stood back and had not danced even once during the party.  She had been a ballroom dance teacher.  That was strange.  She was always distant with the staff.  The DJ, Connie and the boss's secretary were the only people present.  I had the DJ play a tango from Biagi. This was tango.  Close embrace.  Rhythmic.

By this time in my life, I knew about the healing aspects of tango -- the embrace to music -- but I did not expect the ensuing powerful effects from "dancing with the enemy." Dancing with her had a powerful and lasting effect on me because much was forgiven through our embrace at that moment.  I cannot easily tell you why, but it was as if I knew how she felt -- that she was a human with her own struggles too.  Maybe I saw myself too from her eyes.  From our dance, I felt an enemy had been destroyed through mutual compassion.  It took courage for her to ask, and it took courage to follow my intuition to suggest a tango.  Aren't enemies created from a lack of empathy in the first place?

A few days ago, a colleague asked about working for my former boss because she had been interviewed by my former boss.  I found myself being objective.  I suggested that she had learned some wisdom since her first years as a supervisor.  Also, I trusted my colleague's own wisdom to do well under my former boss.  After all, everyone has to walk on the hard path to wisdom.  Dancing cannot take away hard facts, but it has washed away any need to express unresolved bitterness.  

I got into a my car after that dance with my boss to drive to Washington D.C. and a new job.  I wondered if the feeling would last.  More than just last, this empathy has grown, although I know how much she hurt me and others, it doesn't haunt me anymore.  Dancing with the enemy will proabably always better than arguing with them.

Tango is only a dance.

But can be much more.