A common experience I hear from followers is that during their earlier tango days, they experienced the most wonderful magical moments.
I wonder if this comes from giving all the praise--especially as a beginner--to a great leader. And leaders, being human, can easily and gladly accept the "blame" for the magical moment. My experience is that equally wonderful moments happen in the arms of a non-judgemental woman who opens doors I didn't know even existed.
A few women especially come to mind. As a relatively new dancer, I once met a beginner who co-created magical moments with me. Now as a veteran dancer, she still does it. The problem that I see, is that she still "blames me" entirely for all the cool ideas that come out of our dance--things I have never done before. If anyone is to blame, she is. Another woman in the same community does the same thing for me, and just recently after years of not seeing her, we danced again. It's true that I feel I have far passed her ability, but the same magical moments happen with doors opening that I never knew existed. I do not "blame her" for these moments. We share the "blame" for our mindful moments and magic.
It's no wonder that people call tango "addictive." Tango that has it's best highs early on sounds a bit like cocaine. The best cocaine highs are reported by addicts when they first snort this drug, and then after this early experience, one is simply chasing that earlier high. So get over the addiction model, and start taking at least half of the "blame" for your highs in tango. This will snuff out the addiction model, which eventually will lead you to be "cured" one day from lack of working on your responsibility and your need to grow as a dancer, both psychologically and spiritually. No one is perfect in this regard, but magical moments will increase and not diminish on this path of shared responsibility.
Tango is not a drug that is responsible for our highs. But this perception happens when another person's great dancing is perceived as responsible for our magical moments. It's hard not to blame others who are either judged as good or bad dancers. But it is all about shared responsibility. Generally speaking, I think it easy to practice tango "blaming"--both positive and negative. These are two sides of the same coin.
Share responsibility! Even if the dance did not go right, many other things are amazing about the night when I look mindfully. The person who isn't dancing well may have just recovered from cancer treatment or is finally getting on with their life after a dark period. Who knows? The magical moment is to be present, and when I do this, I have lots of magical moments in all aspects of my life, not just tango.
I need to remind myself of this over and over.