Who Chooses the Tango Embrace?

Part I:  Tango Chose You
Part II:  Who Chooses the Tango Embrace?

You don't choose your preferred tango embrace.  Your partner doesn't either.  There is a better question:

Which tango embrace chose you?


Imagine how freeing it would be to see clearly the centuries of history that led up to you at a milonga, holding the person in front of you, and dancing that particular tango.  Imagine the awe.  You could see that not only did tango itself choose you, but the embrace chose you as well.  This is my tango philosophy, stealing from many ancient and modern philosophers, and even physicists. 

I'll speak from my own experience first: I didn't choose a warm tango abrazo.  I was conditioned to a warm embrace from my parents' warm embrace.  (My wife desperately sought out the tango embrace from a chronic lack of human warmth from many close to her.)  Also, I had the luck of having early relationships with partners who were warm and affectionate and non-judgmental.  I was destined to dance in a close embrace in tango.  The embrace chose me.  And now, I make even fewer choices with the embraces.  My tango community is mostly among "milongueros" who prefer a close tango embrace.  There isn't a hesitation at milonguero events to figure out which embrace one dances.  It's "predestined" to be a warm, close embrace.  Talented milongueros can do an infinitude of things in this embrace, especially with musical nuances.  Also, I no longer live in America, which has long suffered under a long tradition of believing dancing was a sin, and other such prudery. I am not blaming anyone's culture for forming them. We are all formed by our culture, by its language, its myths and customs.  But I am asking my readers to be aware of influences from our cultural history that form the "choices" we think we are making to eschew or accept a close embrace in dance.  It's a new way of thinking about the subject:  Did I really choose tango or a close embrace?  Or did tango and the embrace choose me?  Let's think together.

Lady's Choice?
Some say it is the lady's choice that dictates the embrace.  Not at an encuentro, and certainly not in Buenos Aires!  According to many scientists, psychotherapists, and ancient-to-present-day philosophers, the way one embraces someone in tango is not really anyone's personal choice. When I visited Europe, I was uncomfortable with the first woman who held me close, but I took lessons and got over it.  It was an issue of a lack of competence that quickly faded, not the closeness.  When someone is uncomfortable with a close embrace, which is easily detected, I keep my distance, of course.  That is rare, but that is probably because I no longer dance in the US.

But Perhaps You are Different (you say)?
I reserve a slight possibility that some very aware people rebel against their predestined choices and algorithms.  A true choice is most often a very difficult decision for someone.  If it is an easy decision, it is probably just a compliance with what was predestined human behavior. For the person who is aware of their frigid and standoffish culture after visiting Latin America, she or he may break away to experience something different. For the woman whose partner refuses to dance, she may take a dance lesson and enjoy dancing in spite of her partner's anti-dance culture.  For the aware person, perhaps struggling with PTSD from sexual trauma, it is a hard but conscious choice influenced by a therapist who says, "face your fears" through exposure therapy via "tango therapy." Then there is the person who breaks away from their chronically jealous partner, who perhaps dances in a close embrace but forbids her. She dumps him.  Maybe these rare people, making tough decisions have made a true choice.  It's hard to say because there are countless other algorithms making the choices before we think we are choosing our path in life.

So, what truly free choices will you make?
What if you had only a handful of truly free choices in your life?  Yuval Noah Harari, author Sapiens, noted in a talk that if Free Will exists, it is very limited to perhaps 2% of our choices in truly conscious individuals.  I think our choices are far fewer than 2%.  Imagine that each of us could see the algorithms that influence our daily "choices."  We would stand aghast that so much of what we do is pre-ordained. AI knows our next choice of what we buy better than we do.  Relatively simple computer model algorithms figure out our buying habits, and without our awareness, manipulate us.  Our daily choices are far more complicated than simple computer-generated algorithms that come from limited data about us. But if an algorithm is simply a set of rules followed to reach an outcome, then perhaps even the 'spiritual' prompts we feel profoundly are part of a much deeper, more ancient code.*  Many of our apparent choices are preordained and that is good.  You "chose" to drive on the correct side of the road today?  Thank goodness for predestination!  :-)

Perhaps you and I can reserve the possibility that we make a few truly independent and radical decisions in our lives—or perhaps what we perceive as 'divine intervention' is simply our destiny asserting itself.  I was offered a music scholarship when I was a musician breaking into the recording industry in San Francisco. I was playing in front of huge crowds.  Why would I go to school at moment like that?  I immediately rejected the scholarship.  But at the time, I felt that God was telling me to accept.  I argued with God, but complied with the Voice.  Was this a sign I had broken away to truly make an independent choice or just another part of a destiny I had not chosen?  It's impossible for me to know, but in retrospect, I suspect it was not an independent decision or example of Free Will.  Sorry, now we enter into yet another aspect of our own choice versus destiny:  One's mystical or spiritual life enters into the subject of destiny, too.  Free Will may be one of the most accepted beliefs in the world, but I suspect that it is the human ego pretending to be the captain of a ship that was launched centuries ago, stuck in currents and winds that guided the course more than the captain's compass.

When the music starts, so does the predestination.
If one is fully conscious and perhaps, like a child seeing a milonga for the first time, we hear the music start.  Each couple follows certain preordained customs:  He nods his head to invite her; she accepts; the man catches the oncoming man's eyes before entering the dance floor. With polite permission, the couple enters the ronda.  They embrace, breathe and catch the downbeat.  The music is a slow Di Sarli.  His huge violin section preordains slow and sweeping movements for us. The music insists, the beauty of the moment and of the power of human connection all insist.  I claim no personal choice during such moments.  The moment chooses, the partner and I harmonize, and all of this unfolds because of centuries of precursors.  Why resist what we were called to do?  I submit and participate in my destiny as an amazed observer in the miracle of this moment of tenderness in the often chaotic cosmic order. 

Photo credit:  Thorsten Janes 

Any comments are appreciated.  Please be patient while I weed out spam messages.  If you have not read Part I, Tango Chose You, then please do check it out.

Tango chose you

These great thinkers would say that tango chose you*

I love the beautiful, poetic idea that tango chooses us, and we are merely submitted to its pull.  At least for me, I am persuaded that tango chose me.  I say this not only as a poetic idea but also as a philosophical and even scientific hypothesis. I am also persuaded that tango chose you, too.

That, I realize, is a shocking statement in a world that generally believes in a so-called Free Will — something that some say God gave us as a blessing — or is it a curse? However, many ancient and modern philosophers, physicists, and even theologians have questioned Free Will.  I rejected their ideas until recently. [For the portrait above, see the footnote below.]  But for now, let's focus on the beautiful, poetic idea. Maybe you, too, feel that there is something deeply true about tango choosing us. So I will express it first in poetic terms before considering predestination philosophy. 

This is my story:

Tango Chose Me
Tango beguiles me. I have no choice.
T called me once, and I turned away.
The DJ played a crackly old disk,
Recorded with one mic last century--
An acoustic nightmare for my ears.
I left the place, vowing never to return.
The seductress's voice of salsa
Forced me into my dance shoes, not Tango.
But years later, T's name was again invoked
In a bicycle shop.
"Come dance it once," said the flirty one.
How could I say no?  I had no choice.
Salsa gave way to tango that night.
The warm embrace,
The unprescribed infinitude of steps,
The hidden African voices, deeply buried
By instruments from Europe,
And the abrazo community of dancers.
I had no choice.
Tango chose me.

You May Believe in Predestination (without knowing it)
Most modern people agree with predestination without thinking about it. For example, these days, the whims of the god of thunder, or some other god, are not consulted by the meteorologist.  Nor do you have fear of a man on the corner who tells you lightning will strike you.  Instead, you consult the weather "forecast" to know your future danger of a lightning strike if you are concerned by his curse. The weather forecast nowadays is a result of the use of computer models and satellites that attempt to summarize the endless factors that predetermine our weather.  If the forecaster gets it wrong, we do not return to consulting the gods.

Some background to Tango (and everything else) choosing us, not us choosing it
Let's get the free-will ego out of the way. According to Stoic philosophy, for most of our lives, we have regretted or been proud of our choices.  But were they really our choices or the consequences of many hidden factors?  Does the stream choose its own course? Or is the stream's course determined by countless factors on the day you observe the new swerve in its marvelous course?  Here are some examples:

•  Did any person who has ever lived choose to use his or her parents' language, or the language of their culture?  Did Free Will help with that decision, or was it predestined?
• If parents go to college, do their children “choose” college too, or was it a statistical probability to follow patterns of behavior of their family or clan?  
• What about "exceptions"? Should I be proud that I was the first person in my bloodline to graduate from a university? No! Many factors brought that all about. These factors humble me more than make me proud.  
• Even the free-will ego manifests itself in people on a spiritual path.  At a retreat, five Buddhist monks told us of their calling. Every single one of them "chose" their monastic path because of unfaithful women in their lives. The current of life chose their monastic path.
• I have met many Argentinians who never danced tango until they moved to America and Europe.  From new circumstances, tango chose them because in their new country, they wanted to rediscover their national identity.  Tango chose them.
• One of the most powerful influences that determines our wrongly perceived free-will choice comes from our social environment.  In the famous 'Rat Park' experiments, researchers found that rats in a cold, isolated cage would choose drugged water until they died. They were predestined by their environment. But when rats were moved to 'Rat Park'—a community with space, toys, and other rats—they chose the clear water. They chose life.  Awareness of our environment's influence on our decisions, even in a luxurious 'cage,' is what finally allows us what the philosopher, Yuval Noah Harari, called the 2% small-but-mighty freedom to choose important changes. This is only possible when we become aware of internal and external algorithms influencing us. What are some of the few real choices that you can make? In our tango park, are you stuck on using only the open embrace? Are your figures disconnected from the music? Are you shunning people at a milonga, refusing to even smile at them? Can you choose something new, or will you go to your grave like this?  Can you open up the embrace because there is more room, and your partner seems uncomfortable with a close embrace? Are you a teacher or an "advanced dancer" who hasn't taken a lesson for a decade?  Tiger Woods has a coach.  What makes you so special? Making real choices usually means leaving a comfort zone, breaking the algorithm. Face your fears and your perception of having infinite choices via your Free Will. You only have a few if you become more aware of your algorithm of predetermined choices.
  

Destiny and Tango
Tango is not something special.  Nor am I.  But without tango or any individual on the planet, the universe (as a puzzle) would not be complete on God's table.**  There would be missing pieces. We may be insignificant, but nevertheless, necessary to complete the "puzzle" of the Universe.  

Tango chose you, too.

**Note:  God's table as described by Baruch Spinoza and Albert Einstein.

______________
Coming soon in another blog post:  Which Tango Embrace Chose You?

*The "portrait" above is of thinkers—which I requested Gemini to "paint"—who were convinced that Free Will is the ego's delusion. It represents over 2,000 years of reasoned thought. Predestination has merely changed names—from the Logos, to Grace, to Decree, to Substance, to Physics, and finally to societal and biochemical Algorithms. (Yuval Noah Harari didn't want to be in the same room with Calvin and Saint Paul, but he belongs among them as a modern philosopher of history and the dangers of AI.)

• Baruch Spinoza (Seated, far left): Viewed the universe as a singular, deterministic substance where everything follows mathematical necessity.

• Albert Einstein (Standing, back left): A fan of Spinoza who famously said, "God does not play dice." He believed even our "free" actions are part of rigid physical causality.

• Marcus Aurelius (Seated, center-left): The Stoic Emperor who believed in the Logos—a divine order. He taught that we must find peace by flowing with the cosmic river, not fighting it.

• John Calvin (Standing, center-back): The architect of "Double Predestination." He believed every soul’s destination was written before time began. (A brittle cosmology I personally reject.)

• Arthur Schopenhauer (Seated, center-right): A bridge to the modern era who noted, "A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants." He understood that our desires (like the urge to dance) come from a source deeper than our conscious "choice."

• Saint Augustine of Hippo (Seated, far right): Argued that the human will is "shackled" by its own nature and needs an outside act of Grace to be moved. Perhaps, for some of us, Tango is that grace?

• St. Paul (Standing, far right): The biblical source of the "Potter and the Clay" metaphor. While a pillar of history, I often wonder if he was predestined to favor "Decree" over the fluid experience of ergos (works).

Dancing through life with balance

The tango community is filled with people who are a rare breed of humanity.  

Throughout time, people who learn the arts with passion often look at the world in a different way.  What makes tango and my tango friends special, I think, is that this art form has its origins in social connection and improvisation.  

Tango is a rare "performing art" for just two people.

Even though tango has a special place among the arts, all artists--passionate dancers, artists, musicians--have at least a chance of looking at all of life in a deeper way.  I think the passion for dancing tango helps people to find a more harmonized world view.  Ancient civilizations or any modern country that appreciates the arts has more of a three-dimensional view of life in general. Tango, with its social, improvisational core, makes it especially wonderful for helping people gain a multi-dimensional world-view.

I have garnered many close friendships from dancing tango with people from all over the world.  And the one thing that is most amazing is not that tango is a universal body language, but it also helps all of us be more balanced in our world-views. The world around us tends to try to understand reality empirically.  That is good but limited.  In a sense, it is the "body" or "outward manifestation" model. The ancient Greeks had a great way of explaining three ways to understand reality.  This is the artist's view, a three-dimensional model to look at the perceptual world:  Body, soul and spirit.  This 3-D model is a common way for truly amazing tango dancers to see the world, and here below I think, is how they understand their art. 

Harmonizing of a 3-D World Body (outward expression model) Soul (the balance of intellect & emotion model) Spirit (energy & flow model)

BODY (Greek: soma): Health Model: Wellness-focused dancers take care of their body's health. They avoid over-use, which leads to injury and pain. She sleeps, eats, and exercises to maintain bodily health. A healthy body relies on other qualities from soul and spirit. A healthy middle ear is the only reason a dancer can physically balance. This type of balance is only an analogy of the balance of intellect and emotion (soul).

SOUL (Greek: psyche*). Balance Model: A long-term excellent dancer who has emotional and intellectual balance is creative, passionate but intellectually aware. The balance (soul) model is dissimilar to the body wellness/sickness model of the soul. "Mental health" exists in ancient literature but only as poetry and analogy. Still today, "mental health," is simply a way for "therapists" (from Greek "healers") to be accepted into the payment side of insurance and the medical system. Have a balanced soul but a healthy body! Even then with balance and wellness, finally, where does energy/flow come from? Something is missing, and that is the third model of Spirit.

SPIRIT (Greek: pneuma*). Energy Flow Model: Certain dancers, although older, may have a huge reservoir of energy flow or Chi. Where does that come from? Sometimes the ONLY time they really have great energy is when they are dancing. When the music stops, they may even limp off the dance floor and are weary again.

How well are you harmonizing these three models in your dance, or for that matter, your life? Look around. Many apparently good dancers may have dead-end dance and personal lives. They mistreat their body with over-use, poor sleep, too much alcohol, or push themselves to dance when they are not well. Even if the body is well, perhaps they may not be balanced in their psyche because they spend too much on intellectual choreography or are passionate but too much in their own world. Or perhaps, they are healthy in body and balanced with emotion and intellect, but some dancers may be burnout, leaving tango because they lack energy flow. Their energy may wain or be totally blocked by events in their life which will cause this energy to go off on some other tangent.

Harmonizing body, soul, and spirit is the ancient way of harmonizing everything, including dancing. Isn't dance one of the most ancient wonders of the world? Being a healthy, balanced, and spirited dancer makes you a living ancient wonder in our modern myopic health-and-body-focused world. You, a tango dancer, have learned, indirectly perhaps, a three-dimensional view. That is why you love the dance and the people in the community who organically see many of the world issues similarly and harmonize with the planet more than most communities to which they belong.

My hope is to my body, soul, and spirit into everything you do.

*Spirit in Greek is pneuma. and means breath, wind, and spirit in Ancient Greek. Other words used by ancient writers used shakti (Sanskrit) and chi (Chinese). **Psyche does not mean the "mind" in Greek but means "soul" which is a balance of emotions and intellect. Note: Did you notice that I did not have to explain soma, "body." Everyone seems to understand the empirical, externalized, non-contemplative, what-you-see-is-what-you-get model. :-)

Photo credits:

• Balancing tango dancers. "Tightrope Tango" by Christopher Clark http://www.christopherclark.com/
• Spirit, soul, body graphic: https://www.slideshare.net/salvation123/spirit-soul-bodyr1

Why I am not ready to dance yet

Are you ready or not?

I am not. 

Perhaps, if it were safe, we'd all be ready to go.  But it's not safe, and I have things to do!

I don't want to spend a moment of time pining over the pandemic, and then miss what I can work on under the circumstances.  I wish it were all over for everyone--especially those who are sick and dying--but wishing for an early end seems unrealistic.

What is realistic is avoiding futile wishes for it all to disappear, as a few politicians have predicted and wished.  Please join me in a search of personal growth as a dancers and as a people during this tragic time. The pandemic gives us all an opportunity to learn something.  Here is a list of things that I am working on:

1. Build a robust immune system insomuch a as I am able before dancing again.  If you dance long enough, you will join me in the over-65 risk group for COVID-19 or other possible epidemics in the future.  This is the time to get really smart out bolstering my immune system.  Before the pandemic, I had completed a post's draft on some insights for tango about tango's unique help in building our immune system. Pre-pandemic, I had read the book, 10% Human, and I do everything I can to build and maintain a robust immune system.  It was perfect timing to read that book. See footnotes for more on the immune system for dancers.

2. Become a better breather before I dance again.  It will make you a better dancer. I incorporate better breathing into my own dance-alone practice.  The pandemic teaches us that our respiratory system needs to be exercised. I regularly do breath-work.  Let me give you some resources and ideas that may change your dance and even help increase you level of wellness (given at the bottom of this post). 

3. Establish the best sleep discipline of my life before I dance again.  Then you will realize how often tango may have been harming your health.  Be part of a revolution of early milongas, encuentros, festivals.  It is already happening in my area.  Before the pandemic, organizers gave 7-10 or 11pm a try, and more people came out than ever for these Saturday milongas.  Be a part of the Early Milonga Revolution, but start good sleep habits now while you have the time and focus. Sleep scientists came up with the simple equation:  Sleep better = dance longer in life with a better sex life too.  No kidding.

4. Establish foot health--the best I have had since starting tango.  Have you noticed the healing process of your worn-out feet?  My feet are so much better off! Pay attention to your feet so they do not wish that the pandemic is their best friend.  You'll need your whole body-with-feet, soul, and spirit happy to dance again.

5. Take lessons online to support your own development and your favorite teacher.  You can get a degree online, meet with your doctor online, meet with a therapist online.  You can learn tango online too. Amazing but true.

6. Finally, learn more about tango music.  Can you name a rock band when it plays?  Can you even tell which album or approximate year your favorite band played a particular song?  Do that with tango.  It's easy:  I suggest a book like Tango Stories, or simply write "Laurenz tanda" or "DiSarli tanda" in a YouTube search.  Play only one orchestra as you are doing chores or dancing by yourself or with your partner.  Become good at the game "Name that Tune" when i comes to tango music.

I have a lot of work to do to prepare for the return of our milongas. We may be in solitary confinement, but I can hear you dancing in the cell next to me, and that brings me joy.



Footnotes for tasks 1 and 2 above.

1. Immune system ideas

• I learned that one's immune system is harmed on a long-term basis by social distancing because sharing our individual microbiome through social contact makes us healthier.  However, this is not true during a pandemic, but we need to get back to dancing eventually!  Many people are older in our tango community and make up many of the best dancers. So if you want to dance long, work on this first task more than anything else. 
• How old were you when you heard the word "antibiotic"? What about "probiotic"?  My spell checker still has not heard of "probiotic." This is our problem. We kill micorbes and viruses and fungi without knowing that through good nutrition we get all of these living in our bodies and helping us. Nutrition and knowledge about the microbiome are essential to overcome even what your primary care physician does not know about your health.  Learn now and dance longer!
• My experience working in as a behavioral health consultant in a primary care clinic is that our habits, behaviors, and emotions are the things that keep us healthy or get our bodies unwell.  Far fewer of the problems we confront in primary care are from our patients' genetic disposition. So change some habits, maybe? A long list of immune system diseases creates a certain equation:  Immune system disorders = less dancing in your life. Do what you can in order to dance long and well.  Prepare now.

2. Better breathing resources:

• Read "Breath: The Science and Lost Art of Breathing by David Nestor.  This book has changed my life.  It was just published in May 2020.  I am a better breather than ever before and no longer breath through my mouth at night because of this book. At least, I suggest listening to the NPR podcast with the author.  I sleep so much better now.
• Yoga breathing.  Make one or more of the many breathwork styles your own. Follow them exactly at first and then improvise tango-style. :-)  I like this breathing technique, but I use my heartbeat to determine how long I hold my breath.  Get curious and learn more from a yoga teacher.
• Learn about the Wim Hoff Method.  I started in 2019.  The method includes breathing and retention.  I like this video the most. After a long retention, I feel euphoric all day. Cold-water exposure is a part of this method. The Method has changed my immune system for the better. I am less and less reactive to allergens.  
• May I suggest my own invention I use with anxiety patients?  My style of the "Game of Thrones" is breathing more often and as a habit. That means, deep breathing each time you are on the "throne." (Men: it's time to sit down.)  People who die, pee their pants because finally they are fully relaxed.  I was frustrated that people did not practice.  So this is a "health coach" hack:  If you breathe deeply for at least 8 times, then retain for a while and exhale on the toilet, you will empty your bladder some more because you are more relaxed. Important: do this on the throne. Here's the game of "thrones" motto: "Don't wait until you're dead to finally relax and pee."  

Tango Withdrawal Symptoms

I have some good news for tango addicts:  It's unlikely that you are going through a true tango addiction withdrawal.  It's been hard, but you will come out better on the other end.  This is why:

What many dancers I know are experiencing lately has been refreshing:  More time to read and do things they wanted to do. As for me, I am sleeping really well.  I have read several great books.  I meditate a lot.  I am in contact with more old friends.  I see that others have been talking on social media about all the things they are doing.  "I am not dancing tango, so I did this instead..." they write.  Life has gone on, and in some respects because of tango, we are better at being social animals even without tango in our lives.  The pandemic has given a reprieve to our world's environment and our internal world too.

Were we ever really addicted?  The word "addiction" is now used to market video games and food; so sure, in the new meaning of the word, everyone reading this blog is probably "addicted." We all might be having a new-aged tango withdrawal!  But thank goodness it is not a withdrawal in the outdated medical meaning of the word, which the medical world needs to abandon, as other words have been such as "mentally retarded."

But for the few of you who are addicted, this is what addiction would look like in the medical sense of the word:

Sudden Tango Cessation Disorder
Consider Mary.  Because of the pandemic, Mary has the common withdrawal symptoms from STCD (sudden tango cessation disorder).*  Like typical addiction withdrawal, she suffers from four things:  (1) anxiety--panic attacks, restlessness, irritability; (2) depression--social isolation, lack of enjoyment; fatigue, poor appetite; (3) insomnia--both falling asleep and staying asleep; and (4) her mind doesn't work well--she has poor concentration, poor memory.  She has many of the physical symptoms of COVID-19 too.  That is how she went in for help.  The physician reassures her that she will live.  The doctor goes to the waiting room. "She will probably go back to dancing at the end of the pandemic," the doctor tells her grieving family.  Her mother sobs. 

True, Mary did not need long hospitalization.  Will she ever recover?  She may not. 

But you will.

Your withdrawal is probably just a withdrawal from tango and not a tango withdrawal.  There is a difference.  In fact, the next time we meet, you may be all the better for this withdrawal from tango. You have a deeper appreciation of the joy of dance and the miracle of a warm embrace.  During your withdrawal from tango, you really listened to the music more carefully, and as you dance you better recognized the orchestra you learned to identify better during the pandemic.  

You are grateful for the things you took for granted.  This probably means that you are now addicted to life.  And that is a good thing.

*I am making this diagnosis up, of course.  But medically defined addictions?  They have all these symptoms and can include stroke, heart attacks, and hallucinations.  

Photo credit:  https://www.aspenridgelakewood.com/recovery-blog/stages-of-alcohol-withdrawal-for-women/ 

The Rare Epicurean Tanguer@s

" Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance."  --Epicurus


Epicurian philosophy is simple:  Seek pleasure and avoid pain. So you might think there are many Epicurean tanguer@s out there, right?

The problem is that Epicurean philosophy is a wisdom tradition, not a lifestyle.  Seeking pleasure often has no philosophy or ethical basis.

Sure, there are many who seek pleasure and avoid pain, but may lack wisdom entirely. A philosopher thinks deeply about this principle of pleasure and pain. One of my greatest pleasures in life is to dance.  But it took a while for me to find some wisdom of how to be wise enough to create life-long pleasure and to avoid loss, pain, and distress.

Pleasure without Self-Harm
I started thinking about this Pleasure Principle as I was trying to help a patient of mine suffering with sleeplessness.  I think he considered himself a true Epicurean.  He explained that he wanted to enjoy life. So that meant that he wanted to enjoy his cigarette before bed, drink whiskey before bed, and watch TV in bed. Of course, all of these things undermine good sleep and were harming his health. Pleasure without self-harm takes some wisdom.

Tango and the Pleasure Principle
I recommend lots of pleasure.  But I want to be an Epicurean Tanguero.  My tango path for many years was not as an Epicurean philosopher.  I have more and more pleasure in tango, but that was made possible because of becoming wiser--joining the Epicurean wisdom of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain for the long-term good.

If I want more pleasure and less pain, I know that I need to . . .

• Dance less so I can have good sleep. 
• Dance less so I can have good foot care. 
• Wear special earplugs* so I am not deaf later in life. (Get a good decibel app.)
• Dance in moderation in order to have plenty of other helping activities that will maintain my tango to be long-lived--such as . . .
  >Tai chi for balance
  >Working out for stamina and strength
  >Yoga for flexibility
  >Breathing practice for lung capacity and body awareness
  >Mindful meditation for flow and calming the inner-voice that is not mine.

The path of a philosopher for me is to have ecstatic moments in tango but not at the expense of not taking care of my body's health, my psychological wellness, and my spiritual life.

The Pleasure Principle, philosophically practiced, makes our tango glow, and allows us to be an asset to the tango community, which by the nature of any community will need more wisdom and less shallow pleasure-seeking.  Seek pleasure; eschew pain.  But be a true Epicurean Tangue@.

Photo credit:  https://smudgyguide.net/the-epicureans/

* In order to maintain one's hearing acuity, young or old, I suggest getting good quality earplugs, even some made just for your ears.  Some milongas employ partially deaf DJ's who blast their music.  In the workplace, your employer must provide hearing protection over 85 decibels.  I know DJ's who blast music over 100 decibels all night. Avoid these deaf DJ's if you can, or simply do as I do:  Wear earplugs specifically made for ... wait for it ... DJ's.  Whatever you do, don't tell them to turn down their music.  They're deaf and won't hear you.   :-/

Do not go back to basics

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." Leonardo da Vinci 

Dancers often lament having to start all over with a new teacher.  What a sad thing it is to learn that we need to "return to the basics."  Private lessons may have been started for the express purpose of going from being intermediate finally to be advanced.   The prospect of working on basics may have more than a few people shaking their heads and telling themselves,  "I thought I was getting pretty good.  Now, I am starting all over!"

There is a solution to this problem: 

The body as the first musical instrument

Picasso Ceramic:  Dancing to the flute

Through tango I have discovered that the most primal musical instrument on earth is the human body.  Each body contains its own rhythm, called a pulse, and internal music.  Of course, many will dispute this, but it was the acceptable theory during one of the most amazing periods of artistic human development:  The Renaissance.  The power of musica instumentalis is that an orchestra or musician can give two or more people a common pulse.

I love this ceramic piece from Picasso (shown to the left) because it shows the power of musical expression to make the animal within us dance.  Only the child human animal dances without instruction to music; so what looks like a goat is actually our unique brain delighted by music so much that we human beings are moved to dance.  The flutist and the dancer are one.

I found this ceramic Picasso work of art because recently I remembered something important about my first instrument (other than my body).  I was looking for a picture of a plastic flute I had in fourth grade.  As a fourth grader, I had to learn to play the flutophone.  Before a big concert, all three classes at my school came together and we were playing together.  It sounded pretty darn good, I thought.  But then the music teacher asked everyone who took the music test and got a 80% or above to play.  Most of us put our instruments to our side and just listened.

Flutophone

It was amazing!  What a difference between muddled music and a clean rhythm and clear melody!  This was a huge realization of what musicality is -- it is clean rhythms and clear (even if dark or raspy) tones.

I was not good as a flutist, so I was one of the many who only listened.  But the music became a part of me.  This experience resounded in me.  I wanted to be a part of it.  That is what music does:  It has the power to move us psychologically and bodily.

I eventually dedicated myself to being a musician in fifth grade after hearing a cellist play for the first time. I was so moved that I had to learn to be a musician.  I played later in string orchestras as a bassist.  A year later in fifth-grade summer school, I started as a percussionist, which became my main instrument as a musician in symphonic orchestras, jazz bands and combos.  The electric bass brought me to dancing salsa, learning latin percussion, and then I discovered the most amazing instrument through tango:  The body.

Now I am more musically aware than ever since I learned, through tango, to embody music, that is, use my body as my primary instrument.  My music is movement as a body-musician.  Body-musicians (like singers*) use their body to create musical expression with instrumentalists or as soloists.  Tango body-musicians join with tango orchestras, usually in duets on a floor of many duets of body-musicians, which is called in tango a "milonga."

If anyone asks you if you play an instrument, the answer for tango dancers is:  "Yes.  My body."



*Theories of musica humana did not consider the voice as part of the body but instead musica instrumentalis.  I like this idea that the voice is a separate instrument from the body, but music departments and even my musicians' union when I was a professional did not allow singers in to the union because of the belief that the voice was not an instrument.  During the Renaissance the belief was that the voice box was a separate instrument and was not musica humana: "Musica quae in quibusdam constituta est instrumentis (sounds made by singers and instrumentalists)." An easy way to settle this philosophical hair-splitting is simply to allow the body to be an instrument!  The body includes the voice box, a pounding heart, vibrations of multiple organs, the buzzing and frequencies of molecules and atoms.  When we move our mind begins making its own music.  Therefore, I believe that dancing and singing are examples of how we, especially when aware, become body-musicians.



Photo credit of Picasso's work:
Ceramic:  http://www.rogallery.com/Picasso/Plates/picasso-flute_player.html

The Grace of Embrace

Image and Likeness of Grace

I once tried to understand religious grace.
I watched the cruel ones claim salvation's grace.
The cruel bully at work, proclaims his salvation:

"Not by works, but by grace we are saved,"

He announces--in all of his proud gracefullness.

I find heavenly moments at the milonga.

A refuge from the the cruelties of the world.
I ponder how a dancer embodies grace --
Its essence, not given but striven for.
Do not angels work on their grace of flight?

The Grace of Embrace is my heaven on earth.
Its warmth is the likeness of celestial grace,
Movement in tandem with the divine.
It is not Soul alone who embraces me
But dual grace, a duet, a harmony of two.

Spirit's grace stays on axis when I wobble.
She doesn't leave me when I stumble.

She directs the heavenly choir of dead musicians,
Beating out canyenge rhythms on my soul.
This is truly Amazing Grace.

Photo Credit:

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/martha%20graham 
Artistic notes:Martha Grahm would not have been caught in a tutu, but I liked the photo. 

Post Script:
Before I was the "tango therapist," at work I would send out a few friends messages of "tango theology."  So this is another part of me -- the Tango Thelogian: 

Notes on Tango Theology:
Christian theology, the idea of God's grace is that it is an unmerited gift of God, from a letter written by St. Paul.  Ephesians 2:8:   "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. .  I do not think Paul is saying this in the way that it has been misused over the centuries.  The context is talking about "works" and the discussion is that the new believers had to be circumsized  -- good that he cleared up the issue of "works."  That would have been a bloody problem.  James 2:18 addressed the misuses written after St Paul:  "But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works."  Grace is not given even though not unmerited!

So my definition, as I have learned from tango's help is this --Grace:  An awakening to our merited divine beauty.  Divine grace and the grace of a dancer are expression of the same thing:  Elegance and refinement and movement before and with God and her creation."  Don't look for this definition in any dictionary.

Returning from War in my Tango Uniform

The following story is fiction with a high percentage of truth.  Find what seems to be true to you. This is a story about finding liberation from jealousy and possessiveness.  (I originally wrote this in 2009 while living near Ft. Hood, Texas).

It wasn't the prettiest tree,
but we guarded it well

The hardest thing for me to be deployed was not getting shot at. Having near-miss IED explosions that dazed me were horrifying too, but the hardest thing was to be away from my fiancé. I wanted to believe that she was being faithful, but there were so many stories of women cheating on their men. “Teresa was different,” I would tell myself. “She has true class and culture. She wouldn't do that.” But over and over we would hear about affairs that were being firmly denied, and the facts came in that were undeniable. Although it was against regulations, we even had access at S-2 to use satellites to go look at our homes. I had heard stories of guys who could see the pickup trucks parked out in front of our homes, and later the denials over the phone. Soldiers went home for two weeks of home leave, and they had their stories too. Infidelity was our obsession.

Although it was against regulations, Specialist Gaffney in the S-2 shop went and took real-time photos of everyone's home near Fort Hood.  He was in our platoon, and decided to do us all a favor.  One evening he handed out "pictures of home" to everyone in the platoon.  I told him that he could be busted to private for that.  "The intelligence satellites are to keep us alive from deadly threats, not to see who is sitting on your porch at home, Specialist!"  But then, I couldn't help but look at the photo.  Teresa's car was there.  No pickup truck in sight.  I didn't bust Gaffney to private, but he had extra duty and a counseling statement.  If the captain had known about it, he would have had an Article 15 and lost rank for sure.  I was easy on him because he just was being stupid and wanted to help everyone in his own 19-year old way.  

The winter sun on Teresa's car near Fort Hood made
 it look like a pickup truck at first glance. 

Since learning tango with Teresa, my fiancé, I noticed the word "tango" being said all the time in Iraq.  In the military if you are spelling something out on the radio or even in person, you don't say "t" but "tango."  Also, everyday I would hear someone saying “Tango Uniform” for this or that, meaning "broken."  For example, over the radio, we would hear that a vehicle had broken down and was irreparable: “Call out the wrecker, it’s Tango Uniform.” In reality “Tango Uniform” means "T.U." for “tits up” (that is, flat on your back).  Radios, vehicles, even relationships were "Tango Uniform" -- ruined by infidelity or some other thing.  The first sergeant even said at chow, “My marriage is Tango Uniform."   I would have thought that the young marriages would be the most fragile, but officers and senior enlisted soldiers had the highest statistics for relationship casualties.  The rear detachment commander had checked the First Sergeant's fears of fidelity.  At chow Top lowered his head and told me, "Yeah, she's cheating on me.  My kids even know the guy, and he’s sleeping in my bed.” He told me that he didn't want to go back because he was afraid he’d kill them both, leaving his children without parents – one dead and one in prison.  I felt sorry for Top because he would never confide in the chaplain or -- God forbid -- go to the behavioral health tent.  He'd just suffer on his own, and maybe he'd join the other soldiers on the growing list of soldiers at Fort Hood who had consummated their deep pain with a murder/suicide.  I didn't let my mind wonder about this.  I couldn't report the top NCO for pondering murdering his wife, but if it happened, I knew that I would never be able to get that out of my mind.


Instead, I preferred to think about good reunions.  I preferred to imagine having Teresa in my arms again.  Before I left for Iraq, Teresa and I had taken some dance classes and we loved it. First we loved salsa the most. But then we discovered Argentine tango.  We were getting pretty good at it before I left.  To keep me up on my tango, Teresa has been sending me videos of “tangueros” dancing, and I even practiced by myself whenever I had a moment by myself. I loved to watch, but again, the atmosphere of distrust made it very hard for me not to feel jealous and wonder if some sultry tanguero was slipping off with her after a dance. I wondered if she were happily “Tango Uniform” with him in bed and that our engagement also might be sadly "Tango Uniform."


Next to my cot, I always had a stack of her letters that always started, “Dearest Tanguero Adorable…”  She often wrote about being true to me.  She affirmed her maturity, her own self-worth and of course, our love. I hated that I still had my doubts. But I did.  The negative thoughts would come to me and whisper, “A lot of women were saying this, and they were off doing the wild thing.”  But one thing she said really made me believe her. She told me over a crackling long distance conversation, “Sweetheart, you know, if a lot of these women had a way of getting their need for touch met, then they might find it easier to be faithful. Tango allows people to get an important need met—the need to be touched. And if they had any sense of culture and self-discipline they would feel no need to go beyond that.” That sounded genuine. I also was able to dance a few times and feel what Teresa was talking about. There was dancing at a large FOB not far from our sector in Baghdad, and they had salsa dancing there. I found myself feeling so much better after that dance, and even more committed to Teresa.  The magic of music, dance and human touch fulfilled me.  I didn't have to go beyond that.

This is where the driver should
maneuver with "back ochos."

Close to the end of our deployment after I came back from a mission with my platoon, the commander was standing there, and I thought there was bad news. We all fear last minute tragedies in theater or back at home at the last minute before returning.  It seems like shit happens all the time at the very last minute of a deployment.  We were supposed to come home on the 10th of January, and we didn’t have much time left in country. As I had suspected, the commander had bad news.  “The XO's team just missed running over an an IED, and he’s being MEDEVAC’d to the hospital in Baghdad.  He’s doing okay -- nothing really serious, but that means that you’re going back early as the rear-Detachment commander instead of the XO,” he told me. That meant that I’d lead the forward party to help prepare for the return of soldiers back home at Fort Hood. 


My emotions were properly dampened as the commander told me.  First of all, the XO and I were close friends.  We were in the officers' basic course together; so this was terrible news, but at the same time I knew that I would be home for Christmas.  It is probably impossible for most people to understand that this actually 99% bad news that I would be home for Christmas.  I felt like a traitor to my platoon, getting to go back early. I felt humiliated telling the soldiers under me, and all the while I was so happy to be leaving that hell hole and see Teresa. I was totally conflicted in my feelings.  But if I had been given the chance I would have stayed.  Like it or not, I was going back in time for Christmas.  I also decided that I would not tell my family or even Teresa.  I felt sort of ashamed that I was coming back. I was also dreading my return to my fear of what I might find remaining of my hope of marrying Teresa.


What would I find? Intellectually, I knew that everything would be okay, but I had these great fears in my gut too -- fears that seemed deeper in my gut than the the dangers of going "outside the wire" on a mission.


When I arrived I had to go through lots of briefings and medical screens like everyone else would have to do in January. But on Christmas Eve, I would be free. I knew where Teresa would be from our conversations -- at a Christmas Eve tango party. So I put on my dress blue uniform – the only thing I had at my locker at work. I drove down to the University of Texas in Austin.  The UT Ball Room was down I-35, sixty-something miles from Fort Hood, where the milonga was being held. I put on an overcoat so as not to cause a scene when people saw me in uniform at the dance. 


It took a while for me to spot Teresa. She was dancing with a handsome man, and I felt my face turning red. I stood in the back, and no one seemed to even notice me. I realized that I was spying on her like Specialist Gaffney's eagle-eye from through the stratosphere.  I knew it was wrong for spying, and I deserved extra duty like I had given Gaffney.  Also, I felt this mad jealousy well up in me because they were chest to chest, and he danced so well. She looked so satisfied in his arms. I had a feeling of great sadness at first: Like a little boy who was watching his best friend run off with someone else. Then I fought back the rage and jealousy. I tried to stay in the shadows of a far corner but I was sure that my red hot face would surely alert everyone that I was there.  Certainly someone would ask, "What's burning!"  The striped sides of my dress blue uniform pants surely would give me away if I tried to escape now as the tanda ended.
  
As people were leaving the dance floor, I spotted Teresa coming my way. My stomach twisted and my hands were sweaty. 

An older gentleman stopped her with a nod of his head. Another song started and they danced. She had not recognized me. The man was old enough to be her father. Wow, he was good. He made the younger man look like a klutz. Although they danced simply, people stopped to watch them.  Teresa and he looked as if the music controlled them, forcing them to dance so wonderfully. Teresa looked like she were in some sort of tango Nirvana, and I realized that it was the music, the touch, the moment that was filling her soul. I felt this … this … huge well-spring of emotion, of love, of trust.  She wasn't in heaven because of that old man but because of the power of the embrace, the music and joy of movement, just as she had said before.


As if I did not even choose to, I felt my overcoat fall to the floor around my feet. People were leaving the dance floor, and someone said, “Teresa! My God, he’s back!” 


Teresa's tanguera friend was pointing with one hand and the other was over her mouth, realizing how loud she had said it. The room went dead silent. Everyone started clapping, and Teresa came running to me, with a crowd behind her. She melted into my arms. She was crying. Others stood by and gave me hugs like I was their long lost friend. “Thank God you’re back. Teresa has told us so much about you; it’s as if we have known you forever,” an older woman told me, holding onto my hand like my mother would.

This is the tango community: A bunch of people who touch each other as if this were what human beings do best. 

The music started again, and she led me out onto the floor.  I felt so self-conscious at first.  It was like a wedding dance and we were the only ones on the dance floor.

I just tried to do what I had seen the older man doing, listening to the music and letting the music move my feet. I danced simply, but it felt like I was on a level that I had never had experienced. It was the embrace, Teresa melting into my soul.




My engagement and my love for her were all saved from my worries of catastrophe and hurt at that moment. 


Now when there is a military event, Teresa does no longer calls my uniform my "Dress Blues"; she calls them my "Tango Uniform" because of our reunion dance in Austin.   


I am reluctant to tell her what "Tango Uniform" really means.

Post Script:
This story is of course fiction, but so true about soldiers, love, trust and what tango has to offer the world.


Photo credits:
Link to IED explosion is here.
Older gentleman photo:  Visit  http://practimilonguero.wordpress.com/page/4/
The photo of Salado, TX was from Google Earth.
All photos with the "tango uniform":  Izabella Tabarovsky, Washington DC


Photo models:
Dina Dalipagic and some unknown tanguero in uniform.

Note:  The "Tango Therapist" now resides in Germany.  He is father of two sons who live in Germany.  Besides being a lover of Argenitine tango and a tango blog writer, he is a therapist for post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and family problems (now in Germany) and is a lieutenant colonel in the US Army Reserves, Medical Service Corps.

The Healing Embrace

Tango can be just a dance.  It can be much more.

West End Library Practica

When I am present, I feel a transfer of information.  More than just a transfer, I feel an understanding, an empathy.  But it's only when I am present. Listening.

I have experienced this myself, but it has been validated in movement therapy (tango therapy).  When I was working with a combat veteran and his wife, using the therapy protocol I am developing.  We worked on two psychological traumas.  One was with his father's abuse and the other nearly dying in combat.  In the first case, she felt the hatred leave his body.  "His body vibrated, and I knew that he had forgiven him," she said.  Immediately he felt sorry for his father who never got to know three grandchildren and his amazing wife.  In the combat trauma resolution, he felt that his wife fully understood his experience.  That is what many vets NEVER feel -- they do not feel anyone could understand them, especially their partners.

I feel this transfer of information only when I am listening for it.  It makes sense, right?  If someone is talking to you, and you are not listening, what do you hear?  Even if you half-way hear what they are saying, there will be misunderstandings.  So try listening.  I find it easy to forget to listen.  So I practice!  Non-auditory communication is an art, whether it is in "listening" for visual body communication or "listening" through the embrace.

Let me give you an important personal example:  A while ago when I got a new job, I organized a farewell luncheon at a salsa lounge, which provided a fajita buffet for us.  A semi-professional dance friend of mine came and taught my colleagues how to salsa, and we demonstrated a tango, a vals and a milonga.  After eating, I danced with many colleagues, but when nearly everyone was gone, I got a chance to dance with a person at work whom I did not trust -- a chance to dance with the enemy.  My work colleague was once a dance instructor.  We had endured a long difficult relationship, but after everyone had left and I was about to get in my car to leave on a 3-day drive to my new job, she suggested we dance a salsa.  I suggested a tango.  We danced well, although she had never danced tango.

The dance was very healing for me -- I think for both of us.  Dancing with her had a lasting effect on me because much was forgiven through our embrace.  It was as if I knew how she felt.  Immediately I felt an enemy had been destroyed through mutual compassion.

I cannot speak for her, but for me a lot of animosity melted at that moment.

Some say that tango is only a dance.  It can be much more.


Photo credit:  Eddie Arrossi, photographer and tanguero, Washington, DC

For friends in DC, here is Eddie's link to that event -- the anniversary practica celebration:  www.eaphoto.com/works/2011/library

A-Theist Tanda

What is more powerful than an embrace?
 Words?

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh



The vals played.  I always wonder what makes the vals feel so divine.  She snuggled up.  A familiar embrace.  I felt a difference.  We danced.  The first song ended.  I usually do not talk much between songs, but I asked, "Something is on your mind," I can feel it in your body.

"My good friend died in a car wreck."

"Oh no!  I am so sorry to hear that."

"And we were in an argument before she died. . . . I feel terrible . . . .  and I wish I could have told her that I loved her before she died.  I keep having nightmares about her."  She paused and then began to cry.

"Did you know her family?" I asked. 

"Yes, very well.  We lived near each other.  They are like second parents to me."

We danced again.  I held her now in a different way.  I danced in the simplest way I knew possible and embodied the music.  She cried in my arms.

The vals stopped.

"How well do you know her character?"

"She was like a sister."

"Then you know what her character would say to you now, is that right?"

"She would say that she loves me, and to go on with my life."

"Can you do that?"

"I don't know."

We danced again.  I held her again, leaving room for her friend's character to speak with her.  Her balance was sometimes a bit off, although that never happens with her.  I knew she was having a conversation.  The music stopped.

"Can you do what you know she is asking you to do -- to love her and go on with your life?"

"Yes."

"I suggest you pray for her parents.  It's harder for them than for you, I think."

"I know it is hard for them.  But you know I am an atheist."

"Of course I know that.  But that is the best prayer.  If you ask that God to be with her parents, God will hear your pray perhaps more than anyone who is a believer."

"How's that?"

"Because I have an idea that God tires of having so many friends who want his riches and eternal life.  God might feel like the rich kid on the block.  Everyone loves him because they want something from him.   If you don't want these things, I think your prayer goes on top of the pile to be answered.  Your friend would like this too."

"Yes, she would."

We danced.

This time I held her and a certain energy went between us.  I cannot explain it.  But I have an idea that her prayer had a lot of power that night.  No adoration. No riches.  No request for eternal life as a special favor for believing in God's holy Awesomeness.  Just "be with her parents, God, will you?"

And I said the atheist prayer too:  "No special bargains, God.  Be with these bereaved parents!  Be with my friend!  And if you won't be, I will be with them in my heart . . . because this is the way you made me and put room in my heart."


Cortina.




Afterword:  Events and details are changed to protect the identity of this person and her grief.  I cannot tell you if the parents felt God's presence, but the nightmares stopped.

The miracle is the embrace, the music, and the walk that embodies the music.  If these do not lead to peace and the miracle of life, I am not dancing tango.  Thich Naht Hanh said it so well.  Tangueros and tangueras know of the miracle and joy of life better than many.

This story appears today on Veterans' Day for a special reason.  The person who died was a young veteran.  The risk of death and serious injury of veterans is 10 times the risk than in a combat zone during the first six months after they return.  The price of war is far greater than what the general public knows.  And if we did know, I believe we would all be fierce Warriors for Peace.

Happy Veterans' Day.


Photo credit link.