Now that she has her own Guru, she melts into his close embrace.
We grow up hearing great wisdom from our father, but don't listen. A guru comes from India, and while in the lotus position, we hear and listen to his great wisdom and it transforms our lives. We yield. Then Father dies. Perhaps then we will remember his wisdom, but a little too late. Dad was right. Why didn't I listen?
Why does it take the magic of a foreigner or "special person" to introduce the same wisdom that a friend or a family member offered? This is what I call the "psychosomatic syndrome." Our ears do not hear (or listen, better said), until our psyche (soul) opens up to the messenger. The Galilean Guru wisely said as his words and healing works failed in his own city: "No prophet is believed in his own country."
Now that I live in Germany, I am realizing something about perceptions helping or hindering connection from the very first dance. Each region, every town has its own "tango accent." Germany has a wonderful level of tango fluency, and of course, its own "accent." Traditional tango is the rule. Excellent music is the rule. But I still see a change in connection when a new-to-me tanguera thinks mistakenly that I am from Latin America. This is "psychosomatic tango."
Europeans probably account for a great deal of tango tourists in Buenos Aires. No matter from where the tourists come, they all are looking for "tango wisdom." And what do tangueras all over the world discover in Buenos Aires? Tangueras sometimes are amazed at the connection, the surrender they feel in the arms of a tanguero from Argentina? Did they have to go so far to discover this connection? Perhaps not. Did they have to go to the mountain to find their own part in the connection?
Since I returned to Germany (where my children live), I had been conversing more in Spanish more than ever in my life at that time. As a result I found myself talking German to Spanish speakers and Spanish to German speakers. So I also have become used to the look that people give me when I am "code switching" into the wrong language. Along the same lines in Germany, at times I find myself hearing Spanish lyrics while also sensing that I am in a foreign land, and I get confused, disoriented. Where in the hell am I, anyway! Somehow this seems to easily allow my disoriented mind to be transported to the belief that I am in Latin America. In this delusional state, while in a foreign country and hearing Spanish, I am suddenly transported to a milonga in Argentina. This is not all that bad. My delusions are the cheapest way to travel to Argentina, and I can spend my vacation time with my children in Germany!
Besides being a cheap way to travel to Argentina, another positive result is that I have learned about Psychosomatic Tango. When a German tanguera obviously does not understand my language, I quickly switch to German. But because she now believes that I am from Argentina, she melts into my embrace and I feel the difference. Although the standard of dance in Germany is much higher than in the US, German women "feel" different than French and Latina tangueras; so I do notice a difference. Suddenly there is a psychosomatic change, and they dance with less of a "German accent." What takes away their tango "accent"? I think it is simply because they start listening to me in a new way. They melt into me. Their guru has arrived. From this experience I would say that when tangueros and tangueras believe that the person is Argentinian, they dance differently with their pseudo-Argentinian. Isn't this obvious? Do we need a sociologist or neuroanthropologist to do a study about it? A scientific study would only prove what we already know about psychosomatic responses.
Interesting, I have heard over and over that tangueras rave about "Señor Fulano de Argentia" and how he has such a nice embrace, or they experience this on a tango-tourism pilgrimage to the Mountain. The embrace may be her own making to a great degree. Entreguarse (surrendering oneself) takes two people (just as it takes two to tango). I wish I had the time to go Uruguay to live in a country that speaks tango; so nothing is wrong with those who go there, but also the need to go is perhaps misguided. There is much to be learned in your own psyche and in your own soma* and in your own town. Sure, the mountain is indeed a good place to go. But if you cannot, try bringing the mountain to your mind.
From these experiences in Germany, I accidentally have learned about Psychosomatic Tango. I have a very practical application of Psychosomatic Tango: It is best at a local milonga to begin a conversation in Spanish. I just want an embrace that feels warm and genuine. The language of tango is Spanish. Pretend with me! Live the delusion that we are in Buenos Aires, or better yet, in Montevidéo, free from the hordes of tourists. Let's pretend. The embrace is a good place to start, but it would also be nice if you didn't wear clogs and jeans. With the right amount of wine or the magical belief that I am from the "holy land," she will listen to my body and yield to what I have to say. Speaking Spanish is the "drug of choice" that allows my partner to allow herself to enjoy Psychosomatic Tango. The guru has arrived, who through his magic, allows her to hear the wisdom-already-said-by-Father or allows a transformation from a local prophet's message. Hasn't every local teacher already told their students about yielding to one's partner (entreguarse)? Why does it take a guru to hear this? Under the right delusion, my partner's psyche allows her soma* to melt into me. If she thinks that I am a prophet from Argentina; so be it! If she thinks that I have traveled long to be her guru; so be it! Enter the delusion!
Come with me to the next local milonga. Let's enter into our delusion, our psychosis, together. We melt into our embrace and each other. We hear the music. It leads us to dance in a way that allows the dream to go on. Even the tanguera from Argentina melts into the arms of a man who she has never met because of this same concept. She deludes herself to imagine that he is the only man on the planet. This is Tango itself, not just a phenomena: Psychosomatic Tango.
One evening not too long ago, Norman gave me the "Goldene Schnürsenel" Award -- an unofficial award, but nonetheless, a veritable honor!
I had never heard about this "award" before, but it's a great idea. The "Goldene Schnürsenkel," translated means '"The golden shoelaces," and they are awarded to the tanguero who dances with more women in one night than any other man. The second criteria is that it only counts when the woman truly is happy that the man has danced with her. (If not, she is earning points towards what we perhaps could call "the Gold Shoe Strap Award").
In our little German city, Norman got the award all the time because he did not have much competition. Good tangueros are often sitting and watching, waiting for the right tango to play with no "insurance" that the next 3 tangos will also meet their high standards. Too many tangueras are bursting with energy to dance to the music they hear -- what I call "musical squirming," which is the best indication (in my assessment) that a woman will bring joy to her dance, close her eyes and truly listen to the music:
Musical Squirming She sips her drink there in her chair. The music starts; she flicks back her hair. Now she's musically squirming with delight-- Dreaming of dancing throughout the night. But the stoic tanguero only sits starring, Blandly, straight ahead, apparently not caring. Dance with the lady! The right thing to do! She may be imperfect but so are you.
I sometimes am not able to win the prize over Norman. But we are so often so close we just proclaim that the other guy "won." And we are not really keeping good track. Maybe the tangueras are.
The really competitive male does not like this particular award. He might want the prize woman or the esteem as the best dancer. The golden shoelaces do not interest a Casanova at all. Casanova is dancing with just a few choice women, choosing one with whom he will later leave. This not the macho thing to do. The macho man is watching, afraid of dancing in public. Perhaps the competitive male might be the teacher-wanna-be, who waits for the right tanguera. She'll be a good "advertisment" for him.
The Golden Shoestrings award is made for the guy who sees the little girl waiting on the side who
wants to go out and play. Everyone would like a turn at the best fun in the world! Can't you see it in her eyes?
The real award is that the Golden Shoelace Tanguero (GST) who dances with a wider ranger of talented women learns how to dance better. What a treasure to dance with the woman with the Beginner's Mind. The GST surprises himself with the ideas from the woman out of town. He is challenged to be confident over his self-doubt when the very selective woman finally looks his way.
The lone wolf dancer is perhaps a great dancer. He waits too long. Watch what happens at every "woops":
Woops! She is dancing a lot and doesn't even see the Lone Wolf.
Woops! He is still waiting because although she is not dancing, he now does not like the music.
Woops! The music is right, but she is not looking his way.
Woops! She is leaving because she has to work tomorrow early. .
Perhaps he dances well. Two tandas. Meanwhile good tangueras who only need a few enjoyable tandas a night to keep motivated sit there as he just watches, waiting, procrastinating with his pointed ears back.
The other night, Norman did not come. I still think he is the king of the Goldene Schnürsenkel. He is a great dancer, but the true value of the tanguero who wears these golden shoe strings is worth more than those shoe strings in the picture above (a "mere" $19,000 price tag).
He is a treasure chest full of gold for certain tangueras. $19000 is nothing compared to that.
*Photo credit: In an effort to be incredibly materialist one COULD purchase golden shoelaces for $19000. But why? I suggest that tangueros get them for free as an award at their local milonga.
She holds her father, wondering if it will be for the last time
Don't let me go!
The brother within me holds you at the airport. I may never see you again as I go off to war. The father within me holds you at my last residence. I overheard you say I will soon be in a better place. The child within me holds you in the street, I fell down and your embrace takes away my pain.
Don't let me go...
The tanguero within me holds you at the milonga. You are the only woman in the world. I only have a moment in time with you; So don't let me go; we are entwined to our core. The tanguera-sister-mother-child within you, Craves an embrace more you than may ever know.
Entwined to the core.
PS:
A note about the father-daughter picture. I don't know how the above photo strikes you, but it really moves me. It is on a website about faith, and probably no one that has ever visited that website ever has danced tango. I know one thing, her father doesn't want the moment to stop anytime too soon. I did embrace my father. I wish I had done that more, at least one last time before I knew it would be the last. With my mother, I had that chance.
Many people I know in the tango scene would not know how salsa boils inside of me. There is a reason for this: I know the salsa repertoire as a musician. I know all the percussion parts, the bass and piano. I can hear these musical elements -- they are not just a blur of sound as they once were. Much of the music has a history of friends and magical moments (just as tango has now). And still today, I see salsa as having certain advantages for those loved salsa first or learn it after learning tango first. The Mood Advantage over tango: Salsa is mostly an upbeat, happy music, and in the right venue, people can be upbeat and friendly. Tango can have deeply meaningful lyrics, but there is tendency of melancholy even when the music gives no clue through the major key or happy melodic line underlying it. The one-song-one-dance Advantage:Tandas (dance sets usually fours songs) are great in tango, but in some respects I love having just one song at a time. The one-song-one-dance rule makes it possible to escape a torture dance or just continue dancing if you both agree. Also, women who are not dancing for a whole tanda are sitting (often unwillingly) for 15 minutes. The fast feet training Advantage: Anyone who is a good salsero will also have an advantage when dancing the milonga (a faster more rhythmic type of tango, which one will hear for about 7-10% of all songs played at a traditional tango party -- 3 or 4 out of 40 songs). The cultural Advantage: What? Yes, salsa also has it's cultural advantages: Dressing well is the rule at a true salsa bar. In Europe and America (the only non-Latin scenes I personally know), tangueros are nearly always dressed two to three levels down from the women. Not true of a good salsa scene. Tangueros would never dress 3 levels down from the woman on a dinner date! In the best salsa bars in the US and Latin America, men wearing jeans wouldn't be allowed to come in the front door. If they slipped in the back, I doubt that a woman would allow him to dance with her. The Ubiquitous Advantage of Salsa over Tango: Salsa is everywhere. On Fridays in my middle sized town in German, it is 10 minutes away rather I usually must drive far to dance tango. The same is true in the US. Because of the distance and price of gas ($9 a gallon), driving far has forced me to get back my salsa feet. Now, because of tango, my salsa has alternative steps that we do as a result of the music. Dancing with someone that knows tango allows us to improvise to the music very much like tango. The tango advantage: Tango has so much to offer salseros because of the concept of the woman waiting. My role is to be the musical note or impulse; her role is to be the just-as-important musical rest. Music cannot be music without the distinct roles of note and the rest.
Tango is an amazing dance that has transformed my salsa because tango has taught me to follow the music and how to portray what I am next planning to do with my partner. Tango has made me a much better salsa dancer than before, just as salsa helped me with the more rhythmic with the milonga's upbeat tempo.
The combination of salsa and tango. You will find many who were once salseros/salseras who now dance exclusively tango. That is not true the other way around. Tango, once learned well, offers everything salsa has much more. I taught a young woman in a small US military community in Germany how to dance salsa. Innesa learned lightning fast. Soon I introduced her to tango, and upon returning to salsa and bachata, she was making stops and slow-motion moves in salsa/bachata with me. Someone asked me, "Are you professional dancers?" Dancing musically looks professional and choreographed, but it is just normal in tango. Later, when she did a tango demonstration with me at a dance school in front of teachers, they asked us, "Who did the choreography for that!?" Even trained dancers saw the professional look and exactitude of musical steps as professional." If tango can do that with any dance, then it truly is the dance of all dances. Sure, salsa may have its advantages, but nothing can replace the power of tango to transform salsa or any other dance to be more musical and fun.
During the music, it felt ask if she would never let me go.
When the Music Stops
When the music plays, she holds me near,
Our bodies freeze in a moment of embrace
As the music comes to an end.
But the dance is not over.
The moment I crave: She breathes out.
We find a moment to pause,
And then, as if rehearsed, a unison release. Then I look inside the windows to her soul.
I notice her mouth, the sweat on her brow.
But tonight she pushes me away, a surprise
So unlike how she held me, so close.
I felt her heart pounding, but now she escapes!
She smiles nervously as we wait for the next.
I listen for what she might say, as if it were:
"Why did I ever let you hold me?";
"Why did I let you come so close?"
The music starts again;
She melts into my arms again.
I am confused at first. But now I know not to blame myself. I intuit far too much -- communicated by touch. Being present and listening, takes me too far inside. I tell myself that my intuition is wrong, Trying not to intrude into her interior design. I let her abrupt push-away be okay.
For one woman it is the abuse she endured. For another woman,
She feels the searing, watchful eyes of others. The one in my arms tonight is a woman, fully a woman,
But only in my arms, and only when the music plays.
When the music starts again,
When musical permission allows,
When musical hypnotism give assent,
And then she melts into my arms.
Querida Tanguera,
When the music stays within you.
You will stay a little longer in my embrace.
Let out a sigh and breathe out. You were brave to allow me close. Now, add the period to this phrase: An embrace of another human being May be the most important thing you do all day
Period Pause Release
Look into my eyes.
Photo Credit: Alexander Zabara - www.tangoimage.com
The counterclockwise churn of the milonga's revolving door
¡Volver!
After years away... Tonight she again enters at tango's door, A waterfall of sounds, a tango pours Out millions of moments before her eyes.
Tango may be latent, but would never die. It burns still inside her. As she sits to hear As D'Arienzo brings her back to the years...
When dance was a way of being
And being a way of dance.
When eyes closed, a way of seeing,
And seeing, a way of trance.
¡Volver! It echoed in her soul. ¡Volver!
¡Volver! It echoes in my soul. ¡Volver!
Her years of tango-silence are broken With her nod to my request unspoken To dance again what once so moved her.
Strange that I, too, fought off tango's lure.
I had better things to do, I said. "Don't return To that wooden path's counterclockwise churn!I'm tired of having nothing but dance to live for!" Yet, soon I, too, am again at a milonga's door,
And I, too, hear the waterfall of sounds Lifting me up from life's ups and downs.
It burns still inside me as I sit to hear A familiar Biagi brings back the years...
For dance is a way of being,
And being a way of dance.
For dance is a way of seeing, And seeing a way of trance.
A millennium of tango-silence is broken With her nod to my request unspoken.
We give in to the dance -- its way of being. We yield to touch and music for seeing.
We resign to the embraces we lacked.
I softly assure her, "Welcome back."
One of my favorite, cozy milongas in Germany: " Volver" I'll see you at the door.
We only try to help the ones who come back from war.
The below poem was written for a group of mental health providers who knew Maria, a talented tanguera and caring psychiatrist, who upon bringing up patient safety concerns at the military treatment facility was badgered by the hospital leadership to leave. She finally returned to San Antonio to be with a military hospital which had long valued her talents.
The group of people who knew her in Germany knew that the soldiers lost more than we did. Her talent as a psychiatrist was amazing, and soldiers really needed her to help them to be weened from the over-medication they often receive from less experienced psychiatrists. We are not desperate; some soldiers really are desperate for her care, experience and love soldiers. She knows their stories --r these men and woman who have given far more than they ever thought they'd be required. So desperate many have become that we our nation's Army is losing a soldier every day to a suicide -- that is not counting those who have already left the service.
Maria, and those she left in Germany only try to help the soldiers who come back from war. That is all we can do. Too bad that mission is not always held by those who lead -- or so it seems.
Last Tango in Frankfurt
I held Maria, knowing she would soon leave. But the personal sadness I felt Or the tears she sheds, Or the melancholic cry of the bandonión, Or the sad lyrics of tango cannot compare To the silent screams out of soldier's hearts, Weeping from the ravages of war -- The soldiers she could have helped.
That is the tragedy of her leaving, And her desire to stay. This was bigger than our own hearts: The vast desperation of young soldiers Trying to find help and finding too little. Isn't this the center of sadness of our hearts? ...We who know who how to help. ...But too often cannot ...Because of those who tie our hands.
Maybe you will learn good technique only after you have a good reason
I have a friend who wanted to play the guitar well enough to sit and play at a campfire. He started taking lessons at the music store where he had bought his $70-guitar. His teacher did not understand his willingness to be a just-good-enough-for-the-campfire guitarist. Eventually, my friend quit the guitar lessons. Three years later after his girlfriend left him for another man, he picked up his guitar once again and started to sing. That guitar nursed him through his depression. He wrote a lot of really terrible blues tunes that would make any drunk man cry. My friend only needed four cords and a broken heart to play his guitar, but as a result, he eventually became pretty good. He still plays and sings with friends and for himself.
Tango needs the same thing as a start -- a broken heart and four cords. It doesn't need technique like some obsessive compulsive tango enthusiasts would suggest. There's no reason to argue with them about this because they are correct -- one needs technique sooner or later to truly enjoy tango and most importantly to help your partner enjoy dancing with you. But in order to get to that place, you only need to pour your soul into this dance and allow the technique to come through the back door.
I think I am qualified to say not to worry about technique because I have had a life of the pursuit of technical excellence in many different areas. I do not suggest my path: In my early 20's, I traveled far, even hitchhiking on a freight train to take lessons from a drum teacher who had his students work hard on technique for years before revealing the "really cool stuff."
You may not be that dedicated to technical excellence. Good for you. What I have sometimes done has been really over-board and even dangerous in the case of hitchhiking on a train. Come to technique in your own way. It may be that four cords and a broken heart is the most reasonable path.
When I am "expectant" and present, I feel a transfer of information. More than just a transfer, I feel an understanding, an empathy.
The following experience is one of the most powerful:
I was leaving a very tense job because I felt under attack by my boss. When I got a new job, I arranged a going-away lunch buffet and got a salsa partner to come teach my colleagues how to dance a little salsa and merengue. She and I demonstrated a bit of tango and salsa as a warm-up. Connie, my salsa friend, taught salsa and zumba, and soon many were out dancing and having fun.
Most going-away parties with this group were absolutely boring, but my "dance-away party" was probably the best party I have ever hosted. At the very end the the party, my boss, asked if we should dance a going-away salsa. That was the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth -- an invitation to dance.
It was a chance to dance with the enemy.
I suggested a tango rather than her suggestion to dance a salsa. Given the chance to dance for peace, I knew that the tango embrace would be the better choice. During the party, my boss had not danced once in at the party although she once was a ballroom dance teacher. The DJ, Connie and the boss's secretary were the only people present. I had the DJ play a tango from Biagi. This was tango. Close embrace. Rhythmic.
By this time in my life, I knew about the healing aspects of tango -- the embrace to music -- but I did not expect the ensuing powerful effects from "dancing with the enemy." Dancing with her had a powerful and lasting effect on me because much was forgiven through our embrace at that moment. I cannot easily tell you why, but it was as if I knew how she felt -- that she was a human with her own struggles too. Maybe I saw myself too from her eyes. From our dance, I felt an enemy had been destroyed through mutual compassion. It took courage for her to ask, and it took courage to follow my intuition to suggest a tango. Aren't enemies created from a lack of empathy in the first place?
A few days ago, a colleague asked about working for my former boss because she had been interviewed by my former boss. I found myself being objective. I suggested that she had learned some wisdom since her first years as a supervisor. Also, I trusted my colleague's own wisdom to do well under my former boss. After all, everyone has to walk on the hard path to wisdom. Dancing cannot take away hard facts, but it has washed away any need to express unresolved bitterness.
I got into a my car after that dance with my boss to drive to a new city and a new job. I wondered if the feeling would last. More than just last, this empathy has grown, although I know how much she hurt me and others, it doesn't haunt me anymore.
Follow the line of dance with reverence for tradition.
There is no Mecca of tango. . .
Language sometimes hides the truth. We should be careful about describing tango as having a "Mecca." Buenos Aires is not a Mecca. Not even close. Thinking this way allows us to forget how fragile tango is. Sure, at the moment it is doing fairly well, but statistically, tango is a precious but yet insignificant phenomenon. In some ways it is only by chance that it has survived. Maybe we should learn something here.
Tango's culture consists of a fringe of musicians and dancers whose numbers are insignificant in any major city in the world compared to the general population of the city. Tango never had a Mecca -- except in our minds perhaps. We may cherish the notion that we could go somewhere like Buenos Aires, and there we might find that everyone dances tango and listens to the music in the streets. That's the great Buenos-Aires-as-Mecca myth. Remember too that New York City still has streets of gold, right?
I suggest you go to Mecca! (Well, how about imagining a trip to Mecca?) That holy city is a concourse of many languages and peoples, but pretty much everyone there is to accomplish the same thing. Tango doesn't have such a place.
But while you are at Mecca in your imaginations, notice a few things that tangueros could learn: The floorcraft in Mecca is amazing -- imagine the harmony of so many people circling the walls of the Ka'bah.
There are indeed medical emergencies at Mecca all the time, but not a single case of misplaced ganchos or getting spiked from a frivolous boleo. Perhaps the danger of bad floorcraft is getting stoned (with rocks), and that might be a hindrance? [Milonga organizers: I am not suggesting anything here for your local milonga.]
Tango is fragile. There are only a few believers. Embrace each other. Greet a stranger with kindness at your next pilgrimage to a milonga. Give alms to the poor (beginners) who need a mentor.
If your milonga feels like Mecca, perhaps you have achieved at least a moment of heaven on earth. But sorry, it isn't Mecca. It's a milonga. Compared to the overwhelming personal dedication and the power in numbers at Mecca, your milonga is small with many semi-dedicated "pilgrams": Fragile. Insignificant. Even in Buenos Aires.
Take care of this small oasis of your life. Tango's "pilgrams" amount to a micro-ecosystem like an oasis, not at all like a flood of Islamic pilgrims on their way to Mecca. Your oasis can dry up and disappear. Care for it. It is so precious.
The wisdom often quoted is that we should "Dance as if no one were watching."
That is not wise at all without some qualification to that statement. Dancing as if no one were watching could be problematic and unwise. Who dances like that, anyway?
Let's look at the possibilities of people who dance as if no one were watching:
a. Children: great improvisation, freedom, absolute joy, no guilt or shame afterwards, floorcraft with damage to things but not other people, parallel playfulness.*
b. Drunk people: great improvisation, freedom, absolute (drug-induced) joy, bad floorcraft, a hangover and shame to review the dance from the subway video camera replay while in jail with your lawyer, floorcraft that included damage to things and people before the police arrived, liquid-induced solitary playfulness. [Yes, a few poor souls also dance at milongas as if they were drunk but are not.]
c. Crazy people: great improvisation, freedom, absolute joy, erratic floorcraft before the ambulance came, not enough sense to even consider shame as an option, solitary playfulness.
d. 90-year old tangueros: great improvisation, freedom, absolute joy, great floorcraft, aware that other are watching but worried about stranger's opinions, excellent partner-playfulness.
Of the above four possibilities (there are more of course), I try to choose "d" when given the chance to dance one more time before I die (every dance as if it were my last).
When we are 90 years old we won't wonder why we hadn't been more circumspect. You probably won't tell yourself, "I really should have worried more about what total strangers thought of me!" If we are still active and able at 90, we will be glad we danced in the street among strangers without a care of others' opinions.
But why wait to be wise?
Why do people wait until their 90's to regret that they didn't dance in the street more? The answer is easy: Perhaps because they did not want to be seen as (a) childish, (b) drunk, or (c) crazy.
I learned something important as I learned to ride a unicycle with my children at age forty-nine. I really looked awkward -- actually hilariously stupid -- learning to ride the unicycle. But I vowed that I would pretend that people could not see me. Now my children and I still enjoy going out and playing street hockey on our unicycles because I refused to worry about what others might think.
Below is a video of Maria and I in the streets of Strasbourg, France after one of the greatest milongas we have ever gone to the night before in Kehl, Germany (a boarder town to France). We were acting like 90-year old tangueros who were trying to catch up with all the dancing-in-the-street that we could! Notice please, how stupid I look in my extremely bouncy walking shoes! Look at how Maria cannot keep her clogs on her feet and is laughing: Great improvisation to excellent musicians playing a tango for us; total freedom of spirit; absolute joy and tenderness, great floorcraft with no collisions with dogs, children, goal-driven tourists; no shame afterwards (¡sin vergüenza!); excellent partner-playfulness.
But why am I telling the world? What a paradox! Am I truly dancing as if no one were watching and then posting a video? Really, I am not telling the world but a few readers, and I am writing notes and posting a video in case I have a bad memory when I am 90 years old. :-) No, seriously, this is not a performance or something to be proud of. I just am happy to be dancing as if I were 90 years old and hope you will join the rest of us who no longer worry about who is watching (or even hope that someone is watching) -- that's immaturity is for youngsters under 90. Join the "Over-Ninty Dance Cub." You can join early if you choose "D."
Did I say 90? That is just the start. Please enjoy the 100th birthday dance for Carmencita Calderón!
*Parallel play is a term for developmentalists who chart when children go from parallel play (play next to each other but not with each other) to the next phase of partnership play.
One day "tango" may be just be a car or
a sushi bar not a dance or muisc
The End of Tango
An old English proverb says that all good things must come to an end. Tango is good. Will it come to an end?
The proverb is depressingly negative and at least in part incorrect. Many good things have been around just as long as anything. Like love. Like kindness. What about movement to music? They have been around for a long time. They seem to live on and on.
However, even in your lifetime many very good things have come to an end, right? Will tango be one of them? Perhaps if tango doesn’t last very long in your life or in history itself, my guess is that tango’s demise would be caused be two major things:
(1) Tango would become so complex that people new to it would be awed by it but not become tango dancers, and
(2) that dancers with bad manners (“snotty dancers”) would become so common place that beginners would almost immediately give up and even veteran dancers would tire of the tango scene.
This scenario of a dying tango community is already here in certain communities. Just one night of bad manners for the most avid dancers makes us wonder if it is worth it. Surely you know of some community which started and has already died. We could really learn from history of how to delay a good thing from coming to an end!
Although most tango teachers fancy themselves as promoting tango, I would wager that the majority of teachers are actually promoting the demise of tango – unwittingly of course! Again, it is because too many teachers promote the two things that will destroy tango: Rarely mentioning the “manners” of tango and making it far too complex.
It doesn’t make sense that teachers would destroy their own livelihood, but that is exactly what they too often do. First, there is a tendency to sell the idea that there is much more to learn. Then they want you to have fun! So let’s not mentions etiquette or rules. Rules and manners take away instant gratification (fun) in all things. My son says that the computer game, “Grand Thief Auto” is fun because one can break all the rules. So it is with tango. If you start dancing with rules, you may destroy your own perusal of instant gratification. It takes space to accomplish that new, high-speed thing you learned in the 8-week course you took on volcadas/colgadas with an enrosque-cherry-on-top. Teachers want to bring fun to tango and engage people to return. Talking about rules and manners, then, is the low on the list for many teachers.
In my last version of tango etiquette, I realized something that had never occurred to me before: Manners are for everyone else. Our instant gratification is subdued for the gratification of others and thereby our own delayed-but-enhanced gratification. This is a great philosophical and theological truism made true by the simple practice of traditional tango: Whether it is tango, driving a car or sexual ethics, rules and laws get in the way of what we might like for immediate gratification. But in the long run, ethics and rules allow a greater good and the more wonderful pleasure in all things.
All good things DO Not come to an end. Good things may transform, yes, but they do not come to an end. The good of tango is that human beings love to move to music and the beautiful synchronicity of tango’s music and dance may be replaced by some other music but the close embrace and the nuance of movement to music will always remain. Let the open embrace and showmanship of tango, the snobbishness of a tango click ruin it in your community, but tango will live on in some form and perhaps with a different name.
All good things live forever. Like love. Like kindness. Like movement to music. Tango will live forever, just with a different name. If you want to live with the name tango longer, then be nice, be kind, dance close as close to your partner as you can and as close to the music as you can. Tango may never die if you do that.
As a series of articles, I have addressed the paradoxical phemenon of musicians killing the very music they love. See the links at the bottom of this post. This post is really Part Four of Musicians/DJ's driving the dancer away (which I have overstated as "killing tango"). [I have links to related articles at the bottom of this post.]
Part IV
Every milonga needs a "no feedback rule." When amplification goes out of control there is often a squeal that hurts one's ears. That is "feedback." Musicians, ironically, are the worst offenders at milongas, but also DJ's and organizers who want to say something with amplification produce feedback.
From a medical and biological view, loud noises create micro-damage to the ear, which hurts one's ability to enjoy music by damaging the inner ear. Isn't that ironic that musicians, DJ's and organizers who do this to the people whom they serve? Therefore, the "no feedback rule" is good business and ethically a must! Please view the video clip at the very end of this post about cummulative damaged that is done to the inner ear from torturous feedback at milongas and other events.
I have already made suggestions to musicians about preserving (rather than destroying their music), and the "no feedback rule" is an important element -- only because in nearly every live performance I hear feedback. No matter how big the room, how many technicians are running the system, or how much a system cost, I hear feedback. Sometimes it is deafening.
Last week near Munich, I saw my favorite living tango singer with a new-improved group (Sexteto Milonguero). They had strong violins (for a change) and the bassist slowed down on his slap-base-brown-jug-band style. Was there feedback? A moment or two, but they had remarkably good marks as far as live music goes. Bravo!
There are some easy rules for no feedback. (1) Don't put you hand over the mic. This causes feedback. Organizers are the worst at this "shut-up-the-baby technique" on the mic. Guess what, you have seen this a million times, and covering the "mouth" of the squeeling mic STILL doesn't work! So stop! (2) Stay in a place known to have a good sound. Sure you feel like wandering around, just like on TV, but do us a favor: Stay "over there." (3) Amplification speakers must be in front of the microphone; otherwise, feedback will all have us jumping out of our seats (but not with joy).
Regarding the "don't wander around" rule, number 2 above: In Bavaria, Sexteto Milongero had an obviously unrehearsed moment in which the vocalist decided to go hang out by the violinists at one point, and he sounded like he had jumped into a fish tank. No experimentation! If a musician, DJ or organizer plans to leave a particular spot, then it must be tested for feedback or weird acoustic changes.
Eliminating feedback is not Rocket Science. There is an easy solution, but DJ's, organizers and especially musicians must understand more than just the music they love. Especially the modern musician must also attain technical knowledge about the amplification they use. The solution is do not use amplification if you haven't learned how to use it! I hate be paternalistic about this, but: "Go to your room, and when you know how to play without ear-torturing feedback you can come out."
Part of the solution is not even knowledge: Musicians, DJ's and organizers, PLEASE come early (damn it) and set up before people come so you do not torture their ears and ruin the ambiance.
Believe me, this has been a pet peeve of mine since my teen years a percussionist/drummer in many bands. Eventually I ran the PA address system and equalizers, and I brought extra guitar cords with a soldering gun to fix crackling or missing cords after we had driven to a gig fro three hours. I got tired of musicians who did not protect the dancers from all the harmful and unnecessary sounds that are not music. I didn't use amplification, but I learned how to control it's bad temper.
If you don't have a "no feedback rule" at your milonga, maybe you should give the link to the musicians, DJ or organizer who needs some guidance.
Please see resources below:
Links to other "musicians/DJs killing tango" articles:
This series had an intro, which started as a letter to the Pan-American Symphony Orchestra (PASO) in Washington D.C. My letter was never answered. I suggested that at least some of their program should allow the common people to dance to their music off to the side because in Latin America, more than in most places, people understand that music that is good drives a person to get up an move. This is part 4, adding a typical problem with musicians, DJ's and her I included organizers -- hurting their customers' ears with feedback. (If you wish you can click on the links to the intro article to the PASO, or part one, part two or three.
Medical Explanation alluded to above:
This audiologist gives an explanation of the medical consequences from electronic feedback. Notice that it is not only that it can be loud but there is a cumulative effect. Many of my older musician friends are going the way of Beethoven (whose deafness was from biological not acoustic reasons).
German Version of Tango Etiquette: "Los códigos de tango"
by Mark Word
If you are new to tango, you will find that tango is not like any other dance, and one of the reasons it is so unique is that it has its own culture. Tango's culture developed an "etiquette" to protect the dance experience from those who would ruin it -- those who hurt others on the dance floor, those who demand dances or pester others. Many do not like Rules and Laws. So let me introduce you to "Etiquette" the little sister of her bigger brothers, "Rules" and "Laws." Get to know Etiquette, she will make sure you dance more with the people you want. If you leave her at home, I promise you are sure to ruin not only your fun but ours too.
Index:
Chapter One: Preparation for the milonga
Chapter Two: Arriving at the milonga
Chapter Three: On the dance floor (including Floorcraft)
Chapter Four: Near the tables
Chapter Five: To and from the dance floor
Chapter Six: After the milonga
Chapter One: Preparation for the milonga.
What to Wear: Dress to impress. Dress to be as sophisticated as the music is and how the opposite sex dresses. Ladies: Do not wear something that will ruin his clothes or be a knot in his stomach or chest if you dance close embrace. Tangueros: Respect the ladies and dress as if you were taking them out! Would you wear jeans and a t-shirt if you were going to a restaurant with that beautiful, well-dressed woman you have in your arms? I realize that in Europe that jeans were introduced as very expensive imports, and jeans seem okay in Europe, but they are not okay. Blue jeans are work clothes in many parts of the world or casual, and the woman you are dancing with is dressed way above you. This is not a European or causal dance. I can say this as an American: If new tangueos in Buenos Aires have succumbed to the imperialism of American casual culture, then we have all lost the beauty of tango traditions. Is it really so hard to dress up to the lady's level?
Hygiene 101: Nothing much to say here your mother has not said, other than hygiene is very important and the easiest thing to fix. Bring an extra shirt if you sweat a lot.
Chapter Two: Arriving at the Milonga
The Alpaha and Omega Rule:
The first tanda after putting on your shoes belongs to your significant other. Likewise, the last tanda is reserved for your special partner. A tanda is group of songs (tango/milonga/vals) that are separated by a short interlude called the "curtain" (cortina).
The Cabeceo: A nod of the head in Spanish is a "cabeceo." Using a cabeceo is the proper way of requesting 15 minutes of a tanguero/tanguera's time. The idea of the cabeceo is not to ask, which causes the other to be obligated to dance. It is all in the eyes. If someone does not return your cabeceo by looking back at you, then respect their decision (or poor eyesight).
Please note that most of the problems and predicaments addressed below about etiquette are caused by not using the cabeceo. For the Visually Impaired: I learned how even the near blind can do well and use the idea of the cabeceo to enjoy their dance. Please go to this link for ideas.
Chapter Three: On the Dance Floor
Tangosutra Milonga, Eastern Market, Washington, DC
Lady Leads the Way?
I do not believe that a woman truly follows the man. Both man and women follow the music first. But one thing is unfortunately true of nearly milonga I have gone to in my life: Women like to lead me onto the dance floor. This is dangerous. (See Chapter V: To and From the Dance Floor.) Click on this link to see what it looks like when women lead the man out onto the dance floor. One Tanda at a time:
You just had a great tanda with this new guy or gal from out of town. Maybe you can get two in a row? There is a problem with this. First, he may be with someone else, and that creates suspicion because two-tandas-in-a-row is the beginning of true love. Repeated tandas are a sign of tango nirvana and true love. Is that what you want to say – “I am in love with the way you dance”? The other may like or even love the way you dance, but have other reasons not to reciprocate this feeling of tango adoration. It may be nice to be adored but I recommend a bit of caution here. You can unwittingly create a feeling of obligation to “make” his or her night. In traditional Buenos Aires multiple tandas have a special meaning--let's consummate this tango adoration. Some will not believe me (see Chapter VI).
New meanings for words you thought you knew:
"Thank you" does not necessarily mean what you think it does. It is only said at the end of a tanda. Sooner means: “Please let me sit down; I do not feel comfortable dancing with you.”
"You are welcome" is not the proper response to "thank you" at the end of a tanda. One counters with "It was my pleasure." Otherwise it is as if you were the giver only and received nothing yourself.
"I am sorry" is superfluous except in very small doses, or when you hurt someone. This is a social dance and not a performance. In the same vain, avoid excuses, such as “I am rusty” or “I am not very good.” Just let your soul dance. If the other person realizes you have deficits, you are better off with being just who you are. I never tell someone when I think my own cooking has too much salt. They may not have noticed and saying something makes them taste it. Dance is the same way. Just enjoy what is happening.
Miscellaneous Dance Floor Etiquette:
Wise teachers are silent at a milonga. Sure, you know a lot. Maybe you are a teacher. A rocket scientist. No matter! Avoid TEACHING on the dance floor. That is the role of a práctica. This is an often broken rule where I now live in Germany. Teachers that do this are ignorant of this very important part of tango culture. Stop teaching! This is not only for the poor woman who you have decided to bequeath your great tango wisdom. Your silence is most important for everyone else who must listen to your instruction as we pass you on the dance floor. Go to a práctica or take her home to your "dance studio" and save us all.
Wise Students are silent at a milonga: Don't ask for advice on the milonga dance floor. Beginners love advice. Ladies, please don't ruin a man who was doing pretty good about not talking. If you must, go to his "dance studio" for instruction, okay?
Chapter Three, Part II: On the Dance Floor Floorcraft Basics ...that even experienced dancers sometimes have never learned
Without etiquette tango is dangerous.
Ladies & Gentlemen, DO NOT do this (even at home).
Emergency Medicine Rule: "Cause no harm and protect." This is the basic floorcraft rule. You thought the first rule on a social dance floor was to dance, but rather, it is to cause no harm and to protect. Dancing is clearly second! If you go to the emergency room the last thing you want is more problems than when you arrived. For the medical staff the rule "cause no harm and protect" is paramount. Likewise, when you come to the dance floor with a woman who has sore feet, don't make it worse with cuts and sprains!
Avoid stepping backward against the flow of the dance floor. A backstep is a poor starting default -- even if that is what you were taught in the "basic step." The basic step should be to the side or forwards! Going backward is basically a bad idea.
Dance in lanes. The outside lane is near the edge of the floor and is usually reserved for the best dancers who keep up a good flow. Men who do not keep up the flow are called "rocks in the stream." The second lane is nearer the center and should be far away enough from the outside lane to avoid bumping or physical harm. No passing on the right, especially on the right of the outside lane -- a favorite pastime of some tangueros.
Fill in the Spacein front of you without tailgating. A favorite trick of stage dancers, pretending to be social dancers at a milonga, is to have lots of room ahead of them so they can yo-yo back and forth, using four times the space of everyone else. Dancing well in a SMALL SPACE is the final frontier of advanced dancers. Need space to dance? Time for some Small Space Exploration.
Dancing and Talking do not mix. No conversations while dancing or even standing near the dance floor. Conversations on the dance floor distract from the music. See "Walkie-Talkie Dancers" for more on this.
Tango is NOT a race! Ask the ladies. They like a dynamic of expressive slowness with faster moments when the music calls for it. The dance floor may look like a racetrack, but it is not. The person who veers in and out of lanes is by far the most dangerous person on the dance floor. Lady leads, this rule applies to you as well.
Safety is not just a man's job: My favorite tangueras often have their eyes closed but they sense a change in my body when danger is near and keep their feet to the ground. Ladies, if you do not have this psychic ability, open your eyes. Also, never go first onto the dance floor -- that is the man's job for safety reasons. You are not being a wise if you allow him to invite you to walk out into traffic -- in the street or on the dance floor!
Chapter Four: Near the Tables
When you hang out at the tables, become a sociologist studying people. You will notice a few kinds of people:
The Bodyguard:
After a woman (or a man) has declined a dance, the "body guard" will around with now a secondary job of being his or her bodyguard. Let’s say that he even used a cabeceo, and she responds by saying “not now.” He might as well read that as “maybe not now, or forever.” This poor soul should have just taken off to deal with the rejection. Waiting for her to rest as she said she would is just deepening the would or putting pressure on her to dance with a pitiful guy. She does not need a bodyguard. The same goes for women – just leave if he says "not now."
Time-out: Once you have declined a dance with a little white lie, you are in Time-Out. Just like kindergarten. None of this would be happening if the cabeceo had been used. But let's say she says, "No, I am resting." So now you leave. He or she who has said “not now” is in the "penalty box" for at least that tanda. I believe that the time-out is not in force when the "no" does not contain a little white lie. That is why it is best to simply say, “no, thank you” and not equivocate about perhaps later. If you do equivocate with something like, "I am resting my feet," it is simply not nice to then go off and dance with someone else. Some would say that you are in time-out for the tanda after saying no, but follow your sense of kindness. No lie, no foul or time-out. For the right person and said from a truly gentle person, one can avoid the little white lie. Here are some solutions which you might want to practice to avoid the white lie:
The White Flag Technique:
A way to save only the best dances for the right man is for her to take off her shoes later in the evening. This is body language for "my feet have surrendered." Leave her alone unless you are close to her and you know that she is saving herself for only most effortless dancer.
"No" vs. "forever no"
Spouses are remarkably like dance partners: Both cannot read minds. If you ever obviously avoid a cabeceo or even say "no" to someone but really want to dance later, then make this clear. I have stopped trying to get a cabeceo from women whom I THOUGHT were shunning me. Then later I find out from other tangueras that they think I am shunning them. Requiring others to read your mind is not very helpful in any relationship. Tell the person you like to dance in the future but not now at this moment. You can even add that you have promised a few dances, but "please know that I do enjoy dancing with you!"
The Cortina Silent Prayer:
The Cortina Prayer is that you wish you were dancing, ¿obvio, no? Did you ever notice that people pray in silence? Let's have a MOMENT of silence during the cortina if you want to dance. Tell your conversation partner, "During the cortina, let's look up and catch someone's eye." Mobile phone text messages, talking with friends and generally being spaced out will have disastrous results for your tango prayers and as well as conversations with Deity. Amen?
Cutting In:
Interrupting others in a conversation is perhaps the second most difficult social skill at a milonga. (The most difficult follows below.) I only have seen one person cut in during a tanda. That's pretty rare. However, what do you do when you wish to dance with someone engaged in a conversation at the tables? Stand back in the periphery for a moment and if you do not get a cabeco from the person, then walk away. Some women will drop a conversation in a moment to dance; others will be perturbed by "lurking tangueros."
The Couple:
There are three basic types of couples. The general rule of thumb is that when you approach any couple you will need to engage both in this agreement.
Type A: The couple is talking. That's all. Do not butt in to ask for a dance. She or he may be working up to dancing together. Try to get his/her eye from the periphery, and if not walk away. Type B: The couple dances with everyone, but they are sitting together, perhaps resting. If your potential dance partner is looking up, the try a cabeceo but acknowledge the partner too once you have established eye contact. Type C: The couple dances mostly with each other. In fact, they are – “the couple” – just sitting there. It is hard to know what is going on with them. They might have high levels of anxiety with dancing with others or have had fights over jealousy from dancing with others. Perhaps they just love to sit and watch. However, the most likely thing that is going on is that he has a bubble over his head that reads, “My God, I wish someone would ask her to dance so I could go dance with someone else.” And the bubble over her head reads, “He’ll go off and dance and no one will ask me, and I will feel like a fool sitting here.” A cabeceo for either him or her may be the most interesting challenge at a milonga. Really this is not archaic stuff, but social grace. So acknowledge both and also make it known through social grace that you would like to dance with half of that couple! Good luck! This is a task only for the brave and/or foolish.
Chapter Five: To and from the dance floor
Getting her to and from the dance floor
Entering the dance floor: It is the man’s job to get the oncoming man’s attention before entering the dance floor. Men: A woman does not go into a revolving door first. The man does. He pushes and she follows. Just like a revolving door, the “Ladies First Rule” is NOT the rule of entering a dance floor. Both the man and the women have their roles here. Ladies, please leave entering the dance floor to the man because he is the one who has to catch the oncoming man's eye and gauge the speed of oncoming dance-traffic.
Oncoming Traffic: So let's say she does not pull him out on the floor, now what? Unfortunately, the oncoming man may be thinking of driving his car in city traffic and not understand tango etiquette. Just let him drive by. You don’t want this guy behind you anyway. A smart dancer will avoid entering where the majority of people enter the dance floor, which is usually the closest place to the tables. The wise tanguero finds a place which is not crowded, and even chooses the two men who will be around him. If the other men know me, we have just created what is called a “train” – and men who dance dangerously will not be allowed in. Really poor dancers in some communities will even be squeezed off the dance floor by a train of men who do not appreciate their dangerous moves. Both in the US and in Buenos Aires I have heard of this happening.
"It's Curtains for You!":Cortina means "curtain." A smart DJ has a short piece of music that is easily identifiable as not tango as the "cortina." This music is the sign to step off the dance floor (the stage of life), even if you are going to do act two with the same person. As mentioned above, the best dancers are waiting to hear the music after the cortina before they catch the eye of another dancer. The smartest dancers pay attention to the order of the DJ, which is often three tandas of tangos, and a vals tanda, followed by three more tandas of tangos and finally a milonga tanda.
Escorting the woman back off the dance floor: Treat her like a lady, and offer her your arm. This is tango, and for a moment you are in Buenos Aires. Commentary: I have learned that even though a woman appreciates being treated like a lady, one need not always take her very far because she might be scoping out the next cabeceo. I now try for the edge of the dance floor.
Chapter Six: After the Milonga
Going for coffee (un cafecito): This is code language for going out and staying up late but not from caffeine intake.
The man waiting for you with a smile at the bottom of the stairs: See? You didn't believe me about dancing three tandas in a row. Now, he wonders why you act surprised when you deny going out for "un cafecito."
This is nothing to do with etiquette, but you stayed with me this far, so let me give you one other late night tango tip:
Your Aching FEET!! Do NOT soak your feet in hot water. I learned this from a woman who was born in stilettos: You soak your feet in the coldest water you can stand. Also, I know this from running many marathons too. Hot water on swollen feet or muscles is only making things worse. Cold water will have wonderful results if you are planning to dance again anytime soon. I used to hate cold water on my feet, but now I love it because I know what it is doing to help me dance again soon and without soreness.
Happy dancing!
Here's a great video by Murat & Michelle Erdemsel to put it all together:
