Part I: Tango Chose You
Part II: Who Chooses the Tango Embrace?
You don't choose your preferred tango embrace. Your partner doesn't either. There is a better question:
Which tango embrace chose you?
Imagine how freeing it would be to see clearly the centuries of history that led up to you at a milonga, holding the person in front of you, and dancing that particular tango. Imagine the awe. You could see that not only did tango itself choose you, but the embrace chose you as well. This is my tango philosophy, stealing from many ancient and modern philosophers, and even physicists.
I'll speak from my own experience first: I didn't choose a warm tango abrazo. I was conditioned to a warm embrace from my parents' warm embrace. (My wife desperately sought out the tango embrace from a chronic lack of human warmth from many close to her.) Also, I had the luck of having early relationships with partners who were warm and affectionate and non-judgmental. I was destined to dance in a close embrace in tango. The embrace chose me. And now, I make even fewer choices with the embraces. My tango community is mostly among "milongueros" who prefer a close tango embrace. There isn't a hesitation at milonguero events to figure out which embrace one dances. It's "predestined" to be a warm, close embrace. Talented milongueros can do an infinitude of things in this embrace, especially with musical nuances. Also, I no longer live in America, which has long suffered under a long tradition of believing dancing was a sin, and other such prudery. I am not blaming anyone's culture for forming them. We are all formed by our culture, by its language, its myths and customs. But I am asking my readers to be aware of influences from our cultural history that form the "choices" we think we are making to eschew or accept a close embrace in dance. It's a new way of thinking about the subject: Did I really choose tango or a close embrace? Or did tango and the embrace choose me? Let's think together.
Lady's Choice?
Some say it is the lady's choice that dictates the embrace. Not at an encuentro, and certainly not in Buenos Aires! According to many scientists, psychotherapists, and ancient-to-present-day philosophers, the way one embraces someone in tango is not really anyone's personal choice. When I visited Europe, I was uncomfortable with the first woman who held me close, but I took lessons and got over it. It was an issue of a lack of competence that quickly faded, not the closeness. When someone is uncomfortable with a close embrace, which is easily detected, I keep my distance, of course. That is rare, but that is probably because I no longer dance in the US.
But Perhaps You are Different (you say)?
I reserve a slight possibility that some very aware people rebel against their predestined choices and algorithms. A true choice is most often a very difficult decision for someone. If it is an easy decision, it is probably just a compliance with what was predestined human behavior. For the person who is aware of their frigid and standoffish culture after visiting Latin America, she or he may break away to experience something different. For the woman whose partner refuses to dance, she may take a dance lesson and enjoy dancing in spite of her partner's anti-dance culture. For the aware person, perhaps struggling with PTSD from sexual trauma, it is a hard but conscious choice influenced by a therapist who says, "face your fears" through exposure therapy via "tango therapy." Then there is the person who breaks away from their chronically jealous partner, who perhaps dances in a close embrace but forbids her. She dumps him. Maybe these rare people, making tough decisions have made a true choice. It's hard to say because there are countless other algorithms making the choices before we think we are choosing our path in life.
So, what truly free choices will you make?
What if you had only a handful of truly free choices in your life? Yuval Noah Harari, author Sapiens, noted in a talk that if Free Will exists, it is very limited to perhaps 2% of our choices in truly conscious individuals. I think our choices are far fewer than 2%. Imagine that each of us could see the algorithms that influence our daily "choices." We would stand aghast that so much of what we do is pre-ordained. AI knows our next choice of what we buy better than we do. Relatively simple computer model algorithms figure out our buying habits, and without our awareness, manipulate us. Our daily choices are far more complicated than simple computer-generated algorithms that come from limited data about us. But if an algorithm is simply a set of rules followed to reach an outcome, then perhaps even the 'spiritual' prompts we feel profoundly are part of a much deeper, more ancient code.* Many of our apparent choices are preordained and that is good. You "chose" to drive on the correct side of the road today? Thank goodness for predestination! :-)
Perhaps you and I can reserve the possibility that we make a few truly independent and radical decisions in our lives—or perhaps what we perceive as 'divine intervention' is simply our destiny asserting itself. I was offered a music scholarship when I was a musician breaking into the recording industry in San Francisco. I was playing in front of huge crowds. Why would I go to school at moment like that? I immediately rejected the scholarship. But at the time, I felt that God was telling me to accept. I argued with God, but complied with the Voice. Was this a sign I had broken away to truly make an independent choice or just another part of a destiny I had not chosen? It's impossible for me to know, but in retrospect, I suspect it was not an independent decision or example of Free Will. Sorry, now we enter into yet another aspect of our own choice versus destiny: One's mystical or spiritual life enters into the subject of destiny, too. Free Will may be one of the most accepted beliefs in the world, but I suspect that it is the human ego pretending to be the captain of a ship that was launched centuries ago, stuck in currents and winds that guided the course more than the captain's compass.
When the music starts, so does the predestination.
If one is fully conscious and perhaps, like a child seeing a milonga for the first time, we hear the music start. Each couple follows certain preordained customs: He nods his head to invite her; she accepts; the man catches the oncoming man's eyes before entering the dance floor. With polite permission, the couple enters the ronda. They embrace, breathe and catch the downbeat. The music is a slow Di Sarli. His huge violin section preordains slow and sweeping movements for us. The music insists, the beauty of the moment and of the power of human connection all insist. I claim no personal choice during such moments. The moment chooses, the partner and I harmonize, and all of this unfolds because of centuries of precursors. Why resist what we were called to do? I submit and participate in my destiny as an amazed observer in the miracle of this moment of tenderness in the often chaotic cosmic order.
Photo credit: Thorsten Janes
Any comments are appreciated. Please be patient while I weed out spam messages. If you have not read Part I, Tango Chose You, then please do check it out.
