Who Chooses the Tango Embrace?

Part I:  Tango Chose You
Part II:  Who Chooses the Tango Embrace?

You don't choose your preferred tango embrace.  Your partner doesn't either.  There is a better question:

Which tango embrace chose you?


Imagine how freeing it would be to see clearly the centuries of history that led up to you at a milonga, holding the person in front of you, and dancing that particular tango.  Imagine the awe.  You could see that not only did tango itself choose you, but the embrace chose you as well.  This is my tango philosophy, stealing from many ancient and modern philosophers, and even physicists. 

I'll speak from my own experience first: I didn't choose a warm tango abrazo.  I was conditioned to a warm embrace from my parents' warm embrace.  (My wife desperately sought out the tango embrace from a chronic lack of human warmth from many close to her.)  Also, I had the luck of having early relationships with partners who were warm and affectionate and non-judgmental.  I was destined to dance in a close embrace in tango.  The embrace chose me.  And now, I make even fewer choices with the embraces.  My tango community is mostly among "milongueros" who prefer a close tango embrace.  There isn't a hesitation at milonguero events to figure out which embrace one dances.  It's "predestined" to be a warm, close embrace.  Talented milongueros can do an infinitude of things in this embrace, especially with musical nuances.  Also, I no longer live in America, which has long suffered under a long tradition of believing dancing was a sin, and other such prudery. I am not blaming anyone's culture for forming them. We are all formed by our culture, by its language, its myths and customs.  But I am asking my readers to be aware of influences from our cultural history that form the "choices" we think we are making to eschew or accept a close embrace in dance.  It's a new way of thinking about the subject:  Did I really choose tango or a close embrace?  Or did tango and the embrace choose me?  Let's think together.

Lady's Choice?
Some say it is the lady's choice that dictates the embrace.  Not at an encuentro, and certainly not in Buenos Aires!  According to many scientists, psychotherapists, and ancient-to-present-day philosophers, the way one embraces someone in tango is not really anyone's personal choice. When I visited Europe, I was uncomfortable with the first woman who held me close, but I took lessons and got over it.  It was an issue of a lack of competence that quickly faded, not the closeness.  When someone is uncomfortable with a close embrace, which is easily detected, I keep my distance, of course.  That is rare, but that is probably because I no longer dance in the US.

But Perhaps You are Different (you say)?
I reserve a slight possibility that some very aware people rebel against their predestined choices and algorithms.  A true choice is most often a very difficult decision for someone.  If it is an easy decision, it is probably just a compliance with what was predestined human behavior. For the person who is aware of their frigid and standoffish culture after visiting Latin America, she or he may break away to experience something different. For the woman whose partner refuses to dance, she may take a dance lesson and enjoy dancing in spite of her partner's anti-dance culture.  For the aware person, perhaps struggling with PTSD from sexual trauma, it is a hard but conscious choice influenced by a therapist who says, "face your fears" through exposure therapy via "tango therapy." Then there is the person who breaks away from their chronically jealous partner, who perhaps dances in a close embrace but forbids her. She dumps him.  Maybe these rare people, making tough decisions have made a true choice.  It's hard to say because there are countless other algorithms making the choices before we think we are choosing our path in life.

So, what truly free choices will you make?
What if you had only a handful of truly free choices in your life?  Yuval Noah Harari, author Sapiens, noted in a talk that if Free Will exists, it is very limited to perhaps 2% of our choices in truly conscious individuals.  I think our choices are far fewer than 2%.  Imagine that each of us could see the algorithms that influence our daily "choices."  We would stand aghast that so much of what we do is pre-ordained. AI knows our next choice of what we buy better than we do.  Relatively simple computer model algorithms figure out our buying habits, and without our awareness, manipulate us.  Our daily choices are far more complicated than simple computer-generated algorithms that come from limited data about us. But if an algorithm is simply a set of rules followed to reach an outcome, then perhaps even the 'spiritual' prompts we feel profoundly are part of a much deeper, more ancient code.*  Many of our apparent choices are preordained and that is good.  You "chose" to drive on the correct side of the road today?  Thank goodness for predestination!  :-)

Perhaps you and I can reserve the possibility that we make a few truly independent and radical decisions in our lives—or perhaps what we perceive as 'divine intervention' is simply our destiny asserting itself.  I was offered a music scholarship when I was a musician breaking into the recording industry in San Francisco. I was playing in front of huge crowds.  Why would I go to school at moment like that?  I immediately rejected the scholarship.  But at the time, I felt that God was telling me to accept.  I argued with God, but complied with the Voice.  Was this a sign I had broken away to truly make an independent choice or just another part of a destiny I had not chosen?  It's impossible for me to know, but in retrospect, I suspect it was not an independent decision or example of Free Will.  Sorry, now we enter into yet another aspect of our own choice versus destiny:  One's mystical or spiritual life enters into the subject of destiny, too.  Free Will may be one of the most accepted beliefs in the world, but I suspect that it is the human ego pretending to be the captain of a ship that was launched centuries ago, stuck in currents and winds that guided the course more than the captain's compass.

When the music starts, so does the predestination.
If one is fully conscious and perhaps, like a child seeing a milonga for the first time, we hear the music start.  Each couple follows certain preordained customs:  He nods his head to invite her; she accepts; the man catches the oncoming man's eyes before entering the dance floor. With polite permission, the couple enters the ronda.  They embrace, breathe and catch the downbeat.  The music is a slow Di Sarli.  His huge violin section preordains slow and sweeping movements for us. The music insists, the beauty of the moment and of the power of human connection all insist.  I claim no personal choice during such moments.  The moment chooses, the partner and I harmonize, and all of this unfolds because of centuries of precursors.  Why resist what we were called to do?  I submit and participate in my destiny as an amazed observer in the miracle of this moment of tenderness in the often chaotic cosmic order. 

Photo credit:  Thorsten Janes 

Any comments are appreciated.  Please be patient while I weed out spam messages.  If you have not read Part I, Tango Chose You, then please do check it out.

Tango chose you

These great thinkers would say that tango chose you*

I love the beautiful, poetic idea that tango chooses us, and we are merely submitted to its pull.  At least for me, I am persuaded that tango chose me.  I say this not only as a poetic idea but also as a philosophical and even scientific hypothesis. I am also persuaded that tango chose you, too.

That, I realize, is a shocking statement in a world that generally believes in a so-called Free Will — something that some say God gave us as a blessing — or is it a curse? However, many ancient and modern philosophers, physicists, and even theologians have questioned Free Will.  I rejected their ideas until recently. [For the portrait above, see the footnote below.]  But for now, let's focus on the beautiful, poetic idea. Maybe you, too, feel that there is something deeply true about tango choosing us. So I will express it first in poetic terms before considering predestination philosophy. 

This is my story:

Tango Chose Me
Tango beguiles me. I have no choice.
T called me once, and I turned away.
The DJ played a crackly old disk,
Recorded with one mic last century--
An acoustic nightmare for my ears.
I left the place, vowing never to return.
The seductress's voice of salsa
Forced me into my dance shoes, not Tango.
But years later, T's name was again invoked
In a bicycle shop.
"Come dance it once," said the flirty one.
How could I say no?  I had no choice.
Salsa gave way to tango that night.
The warm embrace,
The unprescribed infinitude of steps,
The hidden African voices, deeply buried
By instruments from Europe,
And the abrazo community of dancers.
I had no choice.
Tango chose me.

You May Believe in Predestination (without knowing it)
Most modern people agree with predestination without thinking about it. For example, these days, the whims of the god of thunder, or some other god, are not consulted by the meteorologist.  Nor do you have fear of a man on the corner who tells you lightning will strike you.  Instead, you consult the weather "forecast" to know your future danger of a lightning strike if you are concerned by his curse. The weather forecast nowadays is a result of the use of computer models and satellites that attempt to summarize the endless factors that predetermine our weather.  If the forecaster gets it wrong, we do not return to consulting the gods.

Some background to Tango (and everything else) choosing us, not us choosing it
Let's get the free-will ego out of the way. According to Stoic philosophy, for most of our lives, we have regretted or been proud of our choices.  But were they really our choices or the consequences of many hidden factors?  Does the stream choose its own course? Or is the stream's course determined by countless factors on the day you observe the new swerve in its marvelous course?  Here are some examples:

•  Did any person who has ever lived choose to use his or her parents' language, or the language of their culture?  Did Free Will help with that decision, or was it predestined?
• If parents go to college, do their children “choose” college too, or was it a statistical probability to follow patterns of behavior of their family or clan?  
• What about "exceptions"? Should I be proud that I was the first person in my bloodline to graduate from a university? No! Many factors brought that all about. These factors humble me more than make me proud.  
• Even the free-will ego manifests itself in people on a spiritual path.  At a retreat, five Buddhist monks told us of their calling. Every single one of them "chose" their monastic path because of unfaithful women in their lives. The current of life chose their monastic path.
• I have met many Argentinians who never danced tango until they moved to America and Europe.  From new circumstances, tango chose them because in their new country, they wanted to rediscover their national identity.  Tango chose them.
• One of the most powerful influences that determines our wrongly perceived free-will choice comes from our social environment.  In the famous 'Rat Park' experiments, researchers found that rats in a cold, isolated cage would choose drugged water until they died. They were predestined by their environment. But when rats were moved to 'Rat Park'—a community with space, toys, and other rats—they chose the clear water. They chose life.  Awareness of our environment's influence on our decisions, even in a luxurious 'cage,' is what finally allows us what the philosopher, Yuval Noah Harari, called the 2% small-but-mighty freedom to choose important changes. This is only possible when we become aware of internal and external algorithms influencing us. What are some of the few real choices that you can make? In our tango park, are you stuck on using only the open embrace? Are your figures disconnected from the music? Are you shunning people at a milonga, refusing to even smile at them? Can you choose something new, or will you go to your grave like this?  Can you open up the embrace because there is more room, and your partner seems uncomfortable with a close embrace? Are you a teacher or an "advanced dancer" who hasn't taken a lesson for a decade?  Tiger Woods has a coach.  What makes you so special? Making real choices usually means leaving a comfort zone, breaking the algorithm. Face your fears and your perception of having infinite choices via your Free Will. You only have a few if you become more aware of your algorithm of predetermined choices.
  

Destiny and Tango
Tango is not something special.  Nor am I.  But without tango or any individual on the planet, the universe (as a puzzle) would not be complete on God's table.**  There would be missing pieces. We may be insignificant, but nevertheless, necessary to complete the "puzzle" of the Universe.  

Tango chose you, too.

**Note:  God's table as described by Baruch Spinoza and Albert Einstein.

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Coming soon in another blog post:  Which Tango Embrace Chose You?

*The "portrait" above is of thinkers—which I requested Gemini to "paint"—who were convinced that Free Will is the ego's delusion. It represents over 2,000 years of reasoned thought. Predestination has merely changed names—from the Logos, to Grace, to Decree, to Substance, to Physics, and finally to societal and biochemical Algorithms. (Yuval Noah Harari didn't want to be in the same room with Calvin and Saint Paul, but he belongs among them as a modern philosopher of history and the dangers of AI.)

• Baruch Spinoza (Seated, far left): Viewed the universe as a singular, deterministic substance where everything follows mathematical necessity.

• Albert Einstein (Standing, back left): A fan of Spinoza who famously said, "God does not play dice." He believed even our "free" actions are part of rigid physical causality.

• Marcus Aurelius (Seated, center-left): The Stoic Emperor who believed in the Logos—a divine order. He taught that we must find peace by flowing with the cosmic river, not fighting it.

• John Calvin (Standing, center-back): The architect of "Double Predestination." He believed every soul’s destination was written before time began. (A brittle cosmology I personally reject.)

• Arthur Schopenhauer (Seated, center-right): A bridge to the modern era who noted, "A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants." He understood that our desires (like the urge to dance) come from a source deeper than our conscious "choice."

• Saint Augustine of Hippo (Seated, far right): Argued that the human will is "shackled" by its own nature and needs an outside act of Grace to be moved. Perhaps, for some of us, Tango is that grace?

• St. Paul (Standing, far right): The biblical source of the "Potter and the Clay" metaphor. While a pillar of history, I often wonder if he was predestined to favor "Decree" over the fluid experience of ergos (works).