If Picasso Danced Tango

 

If Picasso were a tango dancer, I am sure he would try to capture the essence of what a child feels with the music starts.

Joy.

Playfulness.

Joy and playfulness exponentially larger with a playmate.

A sense that the music dances us.  No sense of having a choice of dancing to the music but that the music has possessed us by its magical powers.

A carefree sense that there is no right or wrong way to dance.

A sense that others not dancing must be feeling the joy I feel too. (Maybe they have been frozen by so much joy?)

A sense that boys and girls alike are free to dance.

No sense that dancing is a sin or foolish. 

No sense of being judged in a negative way.  Just joy and playfulness and a lack of volition when the music starts.

Every child is a dancer.  

The problem is how to remain 

a dancer once we grow up.
Marcos Palabra

Ecstatic Dance versus Fun

At the Festivalito con Amigos encuentro in Germany, which is near where I live in France, I remarked to someone on the last day as we were putting on our street shoes, "I had so many ecstatic dances!" He was in disbelief. 

--"Ecstatic dances? Really?"

-- "Well," I said, "At times, I experience ecstasy in meditation. Sometimes I experience ecstasy in the simplest things in life, like the ecstasy of a good conversation.  So why wouldn't it be normal to have experiences of ecstatic dance?"  

He agreed. He recommended a book he was reading on meditation about finding ecstasy in the simple things of life. Perhaps he wouldn't have minded me saying that dancing was "so much fun" or "addicting."  Mere fun is acceptable (and often true).  "Dance is addicting" is modern parlance for "dance is sinful and wrong," as dance probably was called historically in one's culture.  Both are sad ways of expressing the beauty of dance or any means of self-expression bringing us joy.  Using words that limit, such as "fun" instead of "magical wonder,"  or are negative words, such as "addiction," dampen our experiences. "Fun" is not problematic, but is that as high as it goes to sum up a wonderful tanda or evening?

If you have grown up in a culture that only tolerates dance, but that culture has a history of being repressed (think: the US and some European nations), you might just tolerate an open embrace. In that case, saying that dance is merely fun is okay. To overcome cultural norms, being inebriated in order to enjoy dancing may help too. However, a close embrace and experiencing ecstasy is not so acceptable to many. On the other hand, in some cultures where dance is encouraged, such as in Latin America, ecstatic dance is possible, but only with your partner because of jealousy.  Sure, the experience can be ecstatic--but don't tell you partner about it! ;-)  Tell your partner merely, "It was fun today at the milonga." Just fun. It's sometimes best to self-censure to a jealous partner, but don't lie to yourself as well!

One last thing
An important key to finding these magical moments more often is by being grateful for your joyful moments of dance, and the ecstasy of many ways of self-expression in life. The simple things of life.  Through gratitude, I believe, these ecstatic moments will start appearing more frequently.  It is good to call these moments--at least to yourself--"ecstatic."  

I would love to hear your comments.

Photo credit

Can Tango Truly be an Addiction or Trauma?

 

Our life experiences are capable of bringing us joy.  But we can have a range of wonderful to tragic experiences too.

Recently a viral statement showing up on the Internet, written by two psychotherapists, claimed that tango was an addiction, a trauma, a fraud, and a loss.* (The full post is given at the bottom of this post.)  I wrote to one of the psychotherapists who told me, “No,” it was an intended exaggeration.”  If you read the viral message, you probably saw the above picture of Milo Radulovic, who also wrote to me, saying: "I think [the message] is a good reminder to not take everything for granted and to enjoy each moment of tango blessing."  What? Obviously, their intent was not to speak to some grand truth of the dangers of tango, as one reads in most of the comments of those who shared its viral message. So the real question to me is:

WHY did calling tango “addictive, a trauma, a fraud, and a loss” go viral?
Why did so many people repost a negative and false rumor about tango?  Perhaps if you or your friends found truth in the belief that tango is an addiction, a trauma, a fraud, and a loss, we all can all learn something from these strong feelings. I would say that most of us have been influenced by the modern beliefs that attempt to find addiction and trauma in nearly everything we do as human beings. 

Here are some of the trends which perhaps explain the viral post. I think you have also observed some of these trends:

1.  The general problem in modern life is misusing medical diagnoses (and especially mental health diagnoses), which are applied to everyday life.  Tango, skiing, marriage, eating food are addictive? No, these things are human activities not to be avoided because they are called "addictive." Addiction and trauma are modern poetic analogies for many human events. Poetic analogies can limit human speech when they become over-used. And that is what has happened. There are better analogies which say it well and often better.  Here are some other mind-expanding models to understand our world:  Tango (as with all things) can be understood to bring us to balance or imbalance, to a state of flow or inundation.  Tango can be inspiring or suffocating in our lives; nourishing or over-indulgence.  It can bring one social acceptance or social shunning.  Tango can give a sense of mastery or a lack of confidence; the joy of movement or the unsettling need to move.  All of these models to understand the world are better than the worn out the medical model of health versus sickness model, the trauma (wound) versus healed scar model, the fraud versus legal recourse model; the (mostly) loss versus (moderate) gains model used by the authors.  Now try using any of these recommended models and replace tango with cocaine.  Is cocaine helping you with balance, flow, inspiration, nourishing you, giving you social acceptance, healing your wounds, helping you in legal matters.  Probably not.

2.  Addiction as something good (and maybe not so bad?)
Addictions are serious and devastating.  Surely you have seen or heard about products that are advertised as being a video game that is (happily) “addictive.”  “Buy it today!  It's addicting!” Bakeries have pastries which are addictive or “orgasmic.”  I hope you know that pastries are neither addictive nor orgasmic. For those who truly fighting addictions to survive, this is a slap in the face. On the other hand, those avoiding getting help will like the misuse of the words addiction or trauma. If everyone around them seems to have “addictions”--like tango dancers and people who love chocolate, they can say, “Then my problem with cocaine cannot be that bad.”  Surely, it is not your intention to offend others or make their path to freedom from true addictions harder.  Right?

3. Blaming addictions and traumas as an escape
I have had my heart broken, had back-stabbing colleagues at work, and have had beloved activities which fizzled out. What is very concerning to me is that we can easily fall into blaming and victimhood by calling things like love or relationships “an addiction” or “a trauma.”  This allows one's experiences and perhaps obsessions and compulsions in different areas of life to become mere self-diagnoses and the object of blame for tough times in life.  It is an unfortunate decision to call tango, love, men, women, bowling, religion your “opiate,” your drug, your addiction.  (I hope you are listening, Karl Marx.) It is a catchy way of speaking, but a slap in the face to those suffering from opiate addictions. 

Tango (and many things in life) help me to experience a range of feelings from ecstasy to sorrow.  I do not need to warn beginners of the grave dangers of tango.  The authors of the viral message even recommend getting a therapist before starting tango.  That is like recommending to get a therapist before beginning the use of heroine.  For those who promulgate these poetic reflections on the dangers of tango, ask youself:  How will this harm the tango community.  Will beginners give up faster once they read about tango's dangers? Will people who have a few negative experience give up the beauty of dance because of the lengthy list of these depressive cautions against dance?  Don't we all need more positivity in our world?  Let this viral post be quietly in your immune system with T-Cell (tango cells).  :-)

May our dancing and life experiences tend towards ecstasy and happiness.  In this new year, may you not have any addictions, traumas, acts of frauds against you, or tragic losses.  If you do, I hope that a warm embrace tango community helps you through these tragedies towards triumph. 

PS:  For those interested in the scientific definition and even a research article on tango and how it is NOT an addiction, continue reading.

_________

"Argentine tango: Another behavioral addiction?"  (an NIH research article)

Because many people are sure that tango is to be blamed as addictive, below I am including a clinical article which researched the possibility that tango was another of a growing list of "behavioral addictions."  The National Institute of Health article, in my opinion, was clearly looking for something that was absurd.  Yet, the researchers found that "tango dancing could lead to dependence . . . . However, this dependence [was found to be] associated with marked and sustained positive [effects] whilst the negative [effects] are few."   In other words, it is not addictive. The clinical study found that most subjects of the study were positively impacted by tango. Cocaine use, gambling, and other things known addictive behaviors--by definition-- do not to lead to positive outcomes among those involved with addictive substances or behaviors.  

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25215199/

Diagnostic Criteria for behavior addictions:

What are the all the necessary criteria for a diagnosis of addiction?  Don't play doctor, get a professional before you self-diagnose yourself.  You must have a majority of these criteria, and especially criteria 5 and 7.  A good way to look at these criteria is to compare your relationship with those you deeply love, especially children, which is a normal "preoccupation."  You may have an inability to stop loving them, and the feeling of “withdrawal symptoms” when away from your children.

The criteria for behavioral addiction help professionals identify problematic behaviors. These criteria are outlined in the DSM-5, a manual for diagnosing mental disorders. Here are the key diagnostic criteria for behavioral addiction:

1. Preoccupation: Individuals with behavioral addiction intensely focus on engaging in the addictive behavior. They spend a significant amount of time thinking about it and planning future activities related to it.
2. Loss of control: People with behavioral addiction struggle to control their engagement in the addictive behavior. They make unsuccessful attempts to cut back or stop.
3. Withdrawal symptoms: When unable to engage in the addictive behavior, individuals with behavioral addiction may experience restlessness, irritability, and anxiety.
4. Tolerance: Over time, individuals with behavioral addiction may require more of the behavior to achieve the same level of satisfaction or pleasure. This can lead to increased engagement in the behavior.
5. Negative consequences: Behavioral addiction often results in negative consequences in relationships, work, and other areas.
6. Inability to stop: Despite recognizing the negative consequences, individuals with behavioral addiction find it challenging to stop. They feel a strong compulsion to continue, despite the harm it causes.
7. Interference with daily life: Behavioral addiction can significantly interfere with a person’s daily functioning, disrupting routines and overall well-being.

Photo credit: The man who helped the quote go viral: milo.radulovic (his Facebook page), quoting the authors, Igor Zabuta & Emma Kologrivova.  


*The original, now viral, quote:

The dark side of tango
Tango is addictive. Not on the first try, but reliably. You will need more hugs, deeper emotions from music, more warmth and intimacy to maintain dopamine and oxytocin levels. Tango withdrawal is not a joke.

Tango is a challenge and a frustration. Your inability to perform simple steps and turns will amaze you. You will spend lots of time and money to learn how to perform them more or less satisfactorily. This will not help.

Tango is a trauma. You will need the courage to present and open yourself and face rejection. No one must dance with you, and no matter how young and beautiful you are, few will invite you, since you still do not know how to dance. And if you are not young and not beautiful… Better to find yourself a good therapist in advance.

Tango will take all your time. You will start with a “try”, with lessons. But over time, you will need techniques, practices, individual lessons, workshops by the maestro, milongas, festivals, and marathons. And you’ll still feel that you are missing a lot.

Tango will take all your money. In addition to expensive festivals and seminars, you will need countless shoes (your future fetish), dresses, new travel bags, tickets to Buenos Aires and much more.
Tango is a dissatisfaction. Your ability to feel music will develop faster than your body’s ability to dance it. As a result, you’ll feel that you dance worse and worse.

Tango is a fraud. Someday you will confuse your popularity at milongas with the relations in real life. Someday you will confuse a feeling of contact, unity with a partner, and tango emotions shared with them, with true intimacy. And this warning will not help. And you will do it more than once.
Tango is a loss. 

You will lose most of your today’s friends, acquaintances and partners, there will be no time for them and there will be less and less in common between you. New ones are not granted. Your lifestyle will change (mainly to nightlife). You yourself will change: you will surely lose the ability to live the life you don’t want and do things you don’t want.

Tango is a regret. No matter how early you start, you will regret not starting earlier. And it will not pass.
Entering the tango world will destroy the beautiful dream of learning to dance tango someday. A dream will come true, and it will not be like what you imagined.

Igor Zabuta & Emma Kologrivova
dancing psychotherapists