Most native English speakers do not know the original meaning of “intercourse.” It once only meant “conversation.” Someone came up with the idea to say “sexual intercourse” in the 1800s as a way to soften the abruptness of just engaging in “sex.” And now, using the word always carries with a sexual connotation.
"Tango conversation/intercourse" or "sexual intercourse" are both poor analogies because conversation is taking turns with expressing and listening. Yet, it is quite common to hear tango teachers saying "tango is a conversation." It is categorically not even close. Tango is an improvised, often ecstatic dance between people that is so complex, that it is diminished greatly by calling it a "conversation."
Words often limit how we understand our experience Taking turns is key for good conversationalists. Poor analogies do not help us understand the magic of tango. But it is so convincingly said by people you look to for you tango philosophy. Well, as a philosopher to describe what she/he sees after watching dancers or is a tango dancer themselves. Tango teachers are not philosophers. They say the damnest things about tango, such as "tango is a conversation."
You may not be convinced. So . . . . . . Ask yourself about the last time you sat down and conversed with someone, during which you felt ecstatically united and connected with their feelings. It does happen in conversations, but I am afraid it is all too rare. Yet, an ecstatic connection happens all the time in tango.
. . . Ask yourself about the last time you had progressive conversations at a party that seemed to build on each other. But at milongas, progressive interactions build on each other. One tanda after another can be magical at events that balance the genders or roles.
. . . Finally, ask yourself the last time you turned up the music so you could converse better! And this last question brings us to the most salient reason why tango is not a “conversation”:
We dance while music is playing. Music is never “distracting” the dancers simply listen intently because it's La Musica who is the one talking. We respond in silence, not talking--although some who believe tango is a conversation do. My partner and I are both listening to the one talking to us--the music. All the dyads on the dance floor are doing the same. Our bodies are reacting mostly without any thought. To me, it feels like the music is making us all dance.
Indeed, I do “listen” to how my partner hears the music, and there is a type of millisecond back-and-forth. However, unlike conversations, one is never in a special role of listening for one moment and expressing the next moment. These are concurrent energies. If you still insist that tango is a conversation or even like a conversation, please write a book about your ecstatic conversations and instruct us on how to regularly have them! We are all waiting for your bestseller book! Seriously!
My connection in tango is a tandem experience of the music overcoming me and my partner for the most sustained ecstatic moments in my life (4-6 hours of dancing). Even being a musician in ecstasy on stage, a windsurfer in ecstasy on the water, a snowboarder in ecstasy on the slope, a meditator in ecstasy before the divine, or a lover in ecstasy with my partner--these were never “conversations”; so why would tango be a conversation? If tango is a conversation or even like a conversation for others, I can accept that.
That's just not my experience.
Photo credit: Christian Beyreuther, photographer and organizer, at his encuentro near Regensburg, Germany, May 2022.
