Fear of Judgmental Eyes

Relationships are harmed when one person wants to dance and the other refuses to. What is behind the refusal? There are many possible causes, but a fear of being judged is often the unnamed reason for not even starting a dance class, or later not fully enjoying a milonga. Are people sitting there as you dance judging you? Probably not. The problem is the perception you are being judged.

Even with the attainment of tango perfection, this particular anxiety may not go away. Take a moment to recall if you know a talented musician or dancer who is debilitated by the fear of being watched and judged.  I know many talented people like this.  So the ability or the attainment of tango skills is not the issue with this social anxiety. Skill is indeed needed, but it is to put the feeling of being judged to rest!  And it does take skill. Fair and kind self-talk script writing is a great skill. Below, I am going to suggest a few things that will help you or a friend to develop this skill. You can write the new scripts all by yourself, and if that does not work, a life coach or CBT therapist* can help you.

Here's a video that gives the feeling of judgmental eyes very well:

The "Choir Effect" in Tango

Does it feel like you are part of a choir when you dance?

What intrigues many dancers is why people dance tango throughout their lives, and others "lose the magic" and quit altogether.  During the early phase of learning tango, it's hard to imagine walking away from something so wonderful.  So why do people quit? 

What makes tango therapeutic?

What makes tango therapeutic?  If you know the answer to this question, then you will dance throughout your life.

All therapeutic interventions (psychological / physical / spiritual) need certain conditions to have a positive, healing effect. Tango's therapeutic effect is tied to a special mix of psychologically cleansing elements:  Movement, Music and the eMbrace.  These are the Three M's of tango.  Then there is a  "meta-element" which binds them together.  This binding element is improvised tandem movement as a somatic response to the music.

Only the core--the essence--of tango is reliably