Sunday, September 30, 2012

A Scorn Star is Born

Here's a good reason for teachers to become better at teaching floorcraft:  The world of technology will eventually hit the milonga.  The tango police are watching every gancho, every bump, every heel you dig into another person at the milonga.

In the new world order, Teachers who do not teach floorcraft and tango etiquette may be financially liable for irresponsible teaching!  Some tango dance studios produce excellent social dancers.  Other studios focus on flashy steps.  We don't need any more tango stars, especially X-rated "Scorn Stars."  Despite many years of lessons, Scorn Stars cause injury to others and torture their partners, whom the "stars" use as WMD's (weapons of milonga destruction).

A case in point:  Argentine Stars Studio: It is really no fault of the good intentions of the owners of  Argentine Stars Studio (ASS), who built their studio to be a world-wide chain.  How would Rosa Fuentes and Manuel del Gallo ever know that they would create so many menacing dancers, or the many infamous Scorn Stars of Tango?  Technology in the new century will cause many tango teachers to be financially ruined.  As history tells it, Rosa and Manuel were the first to experience this.

2015:  The first overhead surveillance cameras at milongas start.  Bloopers of bad dancers are featured on  ASS students are often featured.  And Scorn Stardom is a household word.  Business plummets at ASS, but its students just blame others for getting in their way.

Once it was hammering in lots of cool steps?
Now, you are getting the Hammer of Justice.
2018:  The once popular bloopers now has hungry lawyers tracking accidents and contacting the victims.  Some students are in court too much and cannot come to classes.  The many ASS students are complaining on  Some lawyers find new business even from former ASS students, creating class action litigation.  It is in 2018 when the first after-milonga late-night TV ads start appearing:  "Have you taken classes from this person?  If you have and your floorcraft has caused you shame and lost income, then you can sue for damages and the return at least some of the $37K that you spent on learning how to be a Tango Scorn Star."

2019 is the momentous year that the first year of the reading of the Tango Miranda Rights Advisory.  Jennifer Stigmata, a DJ, had her left and right foot nailed by the same woman.  Ms Stigmata couldn't dance for six months.  The poor woman was only the weapon, wielded by another Scorn Star.  A bloody mess.  Ms Stigmata, once healed, had her lawyer write out the Tango Miranda Rights Advisory, preparing for the day that a Scorn Star might injure her again.  No mercy:  Being the DJ that night, Jennifer stopped the music with her remote and continued reading very loudly:

  • You have the right to dance simply. 
  • Any move you make can and will be used against you in a court of law. 
  • You have the right to a responsible tango teacher. 
  • If you cannot afford a responsible tango teacher, one will be provided for you at the free practica at the library on Saturday afternoons.”*  

After the first tango Miranda rights reading, sensible Tangueros restrained the offending Scorn Star, and he was sent off to Tango Jail for a year. (Tango Jail: Piazzola tunes played without any cortina for one year, night and day.)  The news spreads. The Tango Miranda Rights cards are now passed out at the door by volunteers. Citizen arrests skyrocket across the world, causing CNN to interview tangueros in the streets.  "Are Milongas a Microcosm of a New World Order?" the Washington Post asks in the International News section.

2020: Scorn Star gets out of Tango Jail. By now each dancer wears a GPS device. From the many fines that ASS students have received, they now can be tracked as "dangerous objects approaching" and cause buzzing when the dangerous tangueros/tangueras get near a more careful dancer.  Milongas sell pins at the door "Don't be an ASS, Tanguero!"  Proceeds go to bunion reduction research.

2023:  Milongas have police who are speed-radar for risky tangueros, and giving out speeding fines and points.  ASS students mostly have lost their tango licenses, and are on the Most Unwanted Posters at the post office.

We don't have to wait for cutting-edge technology in the year 2023.  We have it now.  The future is already here.  We have tango etiquette, coming to a milonga near you.  You can bring your children:  No violence and no Scorn Stars.

*Thanks to a L.C. Inthesky, a tanguera in Washington, D.C. who came up with the Tango Miranda Rights after reading a draft of this post.  Print out a copy and give one to a friend.  The New World Order surely will come out of orderly milongas.

Gancho King photo credit:  Please go to this link to a creative t-shirt designer who is a dancer.

1 comment:

  1. "Teachers who do not teach floorcraft and tango etiquette may be financially liable for irresponsible teaching!" Agree with you, Mark. A few years ago, I witnessed an accident in a milonga where a couple practised a sequence of dangerous steps learnt from the same day in a local tango school. The teaching couple should be liable for the accident and their teaching be suspended.



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