What to say to a non-dancing partner

Remembering who you once were is the task of growing up

I think that if I could write a book on how to motivate a non-dancing partner to dance, and the book actually brought people to accompany their dancing partner to regular dancing, that I could rest and prepare for death.  I would have accomplished more than most winners of the Nobel Peace Prize. 

Men and women reunited in an embrace on the dance floor because of something I had written.  Wow!  What a great life accomplishment that would be.

Surely there are many who divorce over this issue too, but many people I know learn to dance together with their spouse, and then one just drops out.  Meanwhile the dancing spouse goes on to love it and love the dance community.  But this is tragic.  Dancing is joy shared and at its base what men and women as couples do best.  It is playful, elegant, and perfect communication without words.

So I will address one aspect for your non-dancing partner.  I hope this helps:  Kindly suggest that dancing is the true you.  The one you forgot about or lost as a child.  Speak for yourself, not for them.
Did you know that moving to music is one thing we humans are driven to do, but other mammals are not moved to get up and dance as we are?  Human beings are unique among mammals for this. We know that music affects animals, but please speak up and tell me if you have ever seen another mammal dancing in the way you have seen people spontaneously dance! My children went "motorically wild" with music. Have you seen baby animals moving to Motown music lately? Animals can be taught to walk to music or "dance" but it is only the product of behavior modification.

On the other hand, through negative behavior modification people can also lose their desire to dance or move. Teen boys, for example, in America might think it is not cool or out of fear of public ridicule/rejection avoid moving to the music (unless drunk perhaps). Being worried about what others thought was my teen-years experience, and now it is my sons' experiences in growing up in Europe. So, ladies, tango may be the first music that some men are allowing to revive their core as a human being! Be patient with them.

 Fear or actual rejection for moving to music is a very strong emotional current for many men, including myself. If you knew me, that may be hard to believe. Even after dancing many Latin dances and now tango, it still smarts to hear the criticism behind my back about my dancing. (I am only told this because the "informants" love the way I dance, and they think that I must "know" that this rejection is groundless or simply male jealousy.)

So moving to music -- eventually even in public -- is both a wonderful thing to re-awaken the core of being a human being, but also it is a way to assert your grown up self that wants to recover what was lost along the way:  Your essential self as a dancing soul, reborn to what you once knew as a child but have forgotten.

"Ye must become as children in order to inherit the kingdom of heaven."



Photo credit:  http://www.kalamu.com/bol/2009/03/16/various-artists-%E2%80%9Cmotown-reggae-samba-mixtape%E2%80%9D/

Tango Music: It grows on you

Tango music should not grow on you ... but it does for most dancers.  Why?  I just recently figured this out.

Imagine that you were just walking along on a vacation in Holland, and you stood there at an outdoor concert and you see this orchestra and hear this music for the first time:



Chances are that you would say, "What in the heck is that? I love it. It's amazing." What you probably would NOT says is "that music might grow on me and I might like it after I understand it better and learn to dance it."  Do me a favor and listen to the last moments of the video again.  Listen for the crowd experiencing what you probably never did:  Absolute awe of a type of music they had never heard before.

Let me introduce to you the same sextet but by themselves.  Had you heard Sexteto Canyengue live or on a good sound system you would have had your socks knocked off.  (Note that the video clip includes different moments of their concert and is not just one song.)

I bought the above live recording while I lived in Germany. I was amazed. I love the musicianship of this orchestra. Go to YouTube directly and you will see that many people do not like it (as of today 13 "likes" and 7 "dislikes.")  Many love the old orchestras, evidently. I do too.  But not all of this recorded music is faithful to what the musicians were playing.  DJs need to be picky about fidelity of the music.  Playing poorly recorded music makes it hard to hear, dance and appreciate. Many DJs never bought a recording of tango in their lives. How do modern musicians make a living if we do not appreciate them with our purchases of new/old music?

In talking with a tanguera about this phenomenon, she pointed out that once you learn a dance that belongs to the music, the dance changes the way you appreciate the music. This is less true for me. I was a musician and was introduced to nearly all music as a listerner/musician. I learned salsa after buying a book on Afro-Cuban bass. I told myself that I had to learn how to dance this music. But she is right -- I learned to play jazz, but after I learned how to dance swing, I became a better jazz musician. Dance does a lot to enhance how we hear music.  I am sure that learning to dance tango has been the most important reason I have learned to love it "through the back door."  Only recently did I realize why tango did not hit me like hearing reggae for the first time, which just floored.  Scratchy records with absolutely no bass for reggae would not have had me amazed or wanting to hear more.

No music slowly has become a strong favorite for me, and I love most everything which is done well from the start.  Only tango has exponentially grown to be now not only a favorite but clearly my favorite music.  As a musician I was almost always the unusual member of the band because I had the widest collection of music -- listening to Mozart, Brahms, Bach, and Miles Davis on the way to a gig in my van with fellow rock band members.  They thought it was weird, but it was my van so they had to listen.  That was music appreciation 101 for a captive audience!  It started to grow on them, especially Bach turned all the way up.

I have heard people say that at first tango sounded old fashioned.  This too is only a perception that starts from scratchy old-sounding recordings, I believe. Young people who listen to a well-mastered tango might think it is something brand new!  I have shared it with young soldiers, and the love it.  My children love tango, but I would never give them some old scratchy classic.   Fidelity is everything in two areas of life:  Music and marriage -- being faithful to the original. That makes playing poor recordings tantamount to adultery, don't you think?   :-)

DJs often have a collection of music that was given to them, and maybe in a MP3 format, taking yet again a level of fidelity from it. Tango played by excellent present day musicians, recorded in a digital studio and played on excellent speakers blow ANYONE away. It is incredible. So the below list of orchestras is great, but do not be shy about finding new recordings and helping present day musicians who are faithful to the old classics.

I am suggesting that we support new recordings of great classics. Also, below as a part of appreciating and understanding the music of tango, I am including a list of some of the best know orchestras. Each has it's own flavor and interpretation. Each should cause the the dancers to alter the way they dance, just as each orchestra might alter the way you feel, make love, sit in your car or whatever while listening to music.

If you heard rock 'n roll for the first time, and thought it was cool, wouldn't you be happy to have someone tell you about a band called Led Zepplin or the Beatles?

Here is a good list of the best known orchestras but don't forget the new recordings of the old stuff and totally new tangos being written!

Angel D’Agostino

Alfredo De Angelis

Juan D’Arienzo

Rodolfo Biagi

Miguel Calo

Francisco Canaro

Julio De Caro

Alberto Castillo

Lucio Demare

Edgardo Donato

Roberto Firpo

Osvaldo Fresedo

Pedro Laurenz

Francisco Lomuto

Orquesta Tipica Victor

Ciriaco Ortiz

Astor Piazzolla

Osvaldo Pugliese

Enrique Rodriguez

Carlos Di Sarli

Ricardo Tanturi

Anibal Troilo

TOGA Party Suggestions

TOGA Party Suggestions

True tangueros are not male elephants.  Well, most are not.

I am not talking about size or smell or the amount they eat at the snack table.

Male elephants are loners.  The bulls go about life just finding the next "dance" and fighting other bulls.  True tangueros, I believe, are not bulls.  Female elephants like bulls; tangueras do not -- at least the tangueras I know.  So let's cut the bull.

Recently, a tanguera friend told me of a problem in a small community I've never visited had a "bull" fighting over territory.  I will give him an alias name to protect the innocent:  Bull E. (the older, experienced dancer) was hassling a the less experienced dancer.  Evidently Bull E. felt the younger tanguero was using too much space on the dance floor and told him so.  Ironically, Bull E. is notoriously all over the floor, zooming between lanes and then ends up in the middle doing super-cool-look-at-me stage moves.  Now if the younger dancer joined the bull at his own level, what would we have?  Two "bulls" having a fight to the death.  You know the center of the floor is really not used very much; so why not have it out there?  Make it quick, of course, during a cortina.  Or maybe not -- on second thought.

Here is my suggestion for "cutting the bull out of your community," if fighting to the death is contrary to local laws and codes of ethics:  Especially small communities need a TOGA party (TOGA = Tangueros Only Group & Association).

I imagine a TOGA party could be a sub-party at every milonga, but I think that an informal men's group could be very helpful.  Women have been great at defining their role in modern society, but I feel that we men are way behind on defining what it means to be a man in the modern world (now that we fully acknowledge that women have brains).  The tango community is a great place to learn what it is to be a man with a brain in a world with women who also have brains. I am not being sarcastic here, really.  In some ways, tango simplifies male energy and female energy much better than in modern life.  Female energy -- if you have read any of my earlier blogs -- is not subservient or submissive but essential for male energy to co-create and truly dance.  Male energy is ... well, what is it? That is what TOGA party would be for.  I mostly know what male energy is by what it is not:   Male energy is NOT fully to blame (as some teachers say) if things are not working.  Male energy is not just talking to a submissive energy that is doing all the listening.  It is not JUST pushing, pulling/pulling/indicating (marcando), dragging (arrastrando).  My best guess is that the male energy is part of a magical mix of yin/yang, male/female, thesis/synthesis or the musical note/musical pause that creates something far too complex and magical to name in human language.  We men could be far better about figuring out what it truly means to be a man in the modern world and that includes in the modern world of tango, which is full of very talented tangueras.

Mark's TOGA Party Online
In a sense this blog is my TOGA Party with many other men.  Today, a tanguero wrote me from across the world to say that he discovered my blog a few months ago, and he has read nearly every entry since 2009 on my blog.  He and I are not elephants, loners fighting over territory and tangueras, but finding connection as two men trying to figure out the magic of tango and how it affects our lives.  He sent me an email to cheer me on.  Welcome to the Online TOGA Party, Tanguero!

What do you say, Tangueros?  Shouldn't our Tangueros Only Group & Association should have a vision statement and tenets?   Here's a rough draft (I'd like your ideas too):

TOGA Vision Statement:  Group members help define their role in the community to make it supportive of new members and a sanctuary for those who have long taken part in the community.  Tangueros play an active role with tangueras to help the community to grow in it cohesiveness.

Tenets for Social Animal Citizenship as a TOGA member:

• Introduce yourself not just to tangueras but also tangueros.  Get to know them.
• Recognize how other men influence your dance and actively appreciate them rather than competing with them.  (The tango floor may look like a race track but the competitive mind is usually the loser on the social dance floor.)
• TOGA members are protective of the vulnerable partner (bare legs, open shoes, sometimes with her eyes closed) and are working with other Tangueros to keep the entire flow of the milonga safe and fun.  [Tanguero=the role not one's gender.]
• Cutting the Bull:  TOGA members do not participate in BS, which includes aggressive posturing, territorialism, dangerous moves, racing through a tight dance floor, or trumpeting (excessive talking-while-dancing).
• Let's talk about the biggest pile of BS:  TOGA members will pull a bull aside and gently ask him to join the human race.  Here is the worst kind of bull and his M.O. --   1.  A novice tanguera arrives in the community.  2.  He uses his intermediate to advanced tango skills to become her lover,  and then lastly, number 3.  When their affair comes to an end (as it has over and over), she is then forever gone from the community and probably tango, eschewing the beauty of tango as a dangerous addiction.  Her disappearance is a huge loss for her and the entire community.  TOGA members do not tolerate this BS, nor should tangueras.  But, Tangueros, why should the women have the job of confronting this bull!?  If a tanguero and tanguera fall in love with each other from the community, that is a different thing altogether.  People somewhat established in the tango community are "consenting adults." But seducing novices over-and-over is not okay at all.  Every larger community has at least one of these bulls.  TOGA members are watching you!

A note to the ladies:  

TOGA is for men but it is truly all about those whom we adore -- you!  Tangueros are not exclusively men either, but those who dance in this role.  Many readers of this blog are women.  I am not excluding you.  Women lead the way in most tango communities with their own Tangueras Only Groups (TOGs).  These groups bind together the tango community, enhancing the cohesiveness of the community by developing solidarity at several levels.  Ladies believe me, you don't need a bull in the milonga china shop, and the TOGA Party may be the best way to cut out the bull entirely.  I am not BS'ing you.  :-)

Photo Credit:  Joanne Tullis http://www.city-data.com/picfilesc/picc44622.php 

Imagine a Milonga with only ONE Leader!

A milonga with one leader would be the best milonga you have ever gone to.  This is visionary.  It won't happen in my lifetime.

I am imagining in this visionary milonga that music is the only true leader.  Sure, men have their masculine role but would not be telling woman how to move -- movement dictators.  And woman would have their role, allowing multiple possibilities and new ideas "between" each impulse the man provides.  I said "visionary," okay, but this is what I try to do with every tanda.

March, I have promised myself, will be musicality month.   This article will presents the same piece of music (given above) which I will focus on later, and in that article I will explain what I call the "Di Sarili clave."  If you are curious what "la clave" is in Latin American music, including tango, please stay tuned.  The idea is to know better what the music is saying in order to allow it to lead you.

But for now, let's go back to the foundation of all musicality:

Men don't lead.  Music does.  Music gives the impulse for humans to move through rhythm, harmony and melody, the holy trinity of music.  Men do not give this impulse, unless the woman is deaf and feels the music only through the music he hears, which is a beautiful possibility.  But until now I have never danced with a woman who is truly deaf.  I have danced with many women who have been unwittingly trained to be deaf to the music.  The training comes from poor teaching and the experience of men who are mechanically constructing what teachers have taught them and hoping it will fit into the music somehow.  Shame on teachers who teach steps.  Music teaches steps.

Women can have this mantra of freedom:  "There are two types of men in the world:  Those who dance to the music and those who do not.  As I dance with a man I will discern which type of man he is.  If he does not dance to the music, then I will let him lead."  So it is true that some men must lead what they do because the music is superfluous.  Let him lead.

Men can have this mantra for freedom:  "There are two types of women in the world.  Those who allow the music to lead them and those who rely on the man to lead.   I will "listen" to her movement, and if she hears the music we will dance to the music's lead.  If she relies just on me, then I must be patient with the delay in her steps, caused by following me and not the music."  If a woman does not feel the Di Sarli clave, for example, then I cannot easily dance to the music.  She does not have to know what this is, but she must feel it.

A discussion of this can change things, but ONLY at a práctica.  I used to keep dancing with these women, but it becomes such a chore to have my main job not as a dancer but as her Musik-Übersetzer.  I will eventually avoid her eyes at a milonga.  She hurts my right ankle when she does not dance to the music.

Ladies:  I think there is a cultural belief that men often do not hear the music.  Do you know how hard it is to have the responsibility to translate the pulse of the music, be aware of my own feet and yours too, especially since most have been taught that the music is not the leader?  This is a good research question about gender differences and hearing the music.  With training women can be the less skillfull of the two sexes if she has been trained NOT to listen to the music.  And this is the problem:  The majority of tango teachers teach women to rely on the man to lead.  Please do NOT give yourself over to his lead.  Give yourself over to the music first.  Dance for the music first; your partner second.  Have you ever noticed that people start dancing after the music starts?  This is a good indication that we dance because of the music not because of our partner's lead.  Obvious, ¿no?

I can understand why teachers tell men to lead and women to follow.  But sorry.  They are sadly mistaken.  They have abbreviated an important step.  In Argentina, perhaps, one can assume that the women not only have heard tango all their lives but that they are truly listening.  Not even in Argentina is this 100% true.

IF WOMEN are listening to the music men can now do other things.  They make an intention.  The great tanguera then moves in such a way that allows him to create things within the music.  This is the male/female biological model as well, isn't it?

Paradigm Shift
What happens when there is a philosophical change -- that the MUSIC leads?  This is my experience:  I dance with a woman at a práctica.  I mention that I want her to own the music and allow it to lead her.  I then see a huge change in the way she dances.  It is important, then, that dancers understand philosophically that allowing the music to be the lead makes my job easier.  I can have that philosophy and that will help, but only when I have a tanguera who allows the music to be the lead, then  and only then can I truly dance.  And only then is she free to truly dance.

Ladies, please read "The End of the Lead is Near."  Click here for the link.  I am not suggesting that you leave the feminine engergy of your role.  A man gives the inpulse (the note) and you give the pause (the rest).  This is the musical analogy.

No step should be taken in tango unless it is led -- by the music.  

My Old Guitar (poem)

My Old Guitar

I played my guitar to soothe my soul,
Playing a song I wrote for her.
For tangos we once had danced.
For the love we once had shared.

The seasons of my life are songs
I have played on my old guitar --
For those who have died,
For those I have loved,
For those who left me or I them

Along my vagabond pilgrimage on earth.

My guitar soothes my aching soul.

It is the Balm of Gilead for my heart.

I built a fire for the mood of this rite,
To sing a goodbye song for her,
And burn a letter to her with my hope
That the smoke might carry away
My burning message to her.

The fire cracks and I hear a voice:
"Take this in your hands,"
     the form coming up from the fire says.
The guitar that he gives me glistens.
Its form hypnotizes me and others.
As I play crowds of people surround me.
The music throbs out a primal chant.
Each time I play something fast, they cheer.
Somehow I perform this music I cannot feel --
Like a dance in shoes that are not mine and mere steps;
Like a tango composed with my feet but without my signature.

No matter.
The crowd is yet larger than before.
Cheering. Hands in the air lilt right and left.
Candles waving in their hands.
The host watching roars its delight
Of the soulless music my fingers produce.
As I stop they cheer all the more.

The firey figure grows larger and recites this incantation:
"Give over your old guitar and I will give you a name!
 Give me your instrument of solace for a life of fame!
 The co-creator of songs, for this one which glistens.
 Its mystic strings will perform and all will listen!

Without delay I gave him back The-One-that-Glistens.
"I would rather perform for the tanguera I love,"
I tell him, "And write songs of love from my heart
Or songs of hurt for my heart than to perform for millions."

The fire cracks and the form fades with his guitar.
And my old guitar and I return to our mourning
For the tangos she and I once danced,
For the tangos we composed,
Written with our feet and hearts,
On the parchment of hardwood,
And signed together at the bottom.

Photo Credits:   


Dick Lowthian  Old Guitar.
http://www.pbase.com/lowthian/image/75001115

Burning love letter
http://www.flickr.com/photos/hbombexplosion/3344010594/

My Tango Vows

Tango Vows Cake

I shouldn't think about divorce before I even take my vows.   But maybe I cannot stick it out with tango.  You know I look around and a lot of people were in love with tango, and they did not make it.  They divorced tango. 


Why do people give up on love?  I am writing this to decrease the risk that I (and those who love tango) will not quit for poor reasons.  A good reason is that you have died.  You danced until you died.  The best reason to quit.  And I write this for myself as a self-reflection on keeping the focus on what is important in dance -- my soul remains a dancing soul.


I wish we had some social scientists helping us out with the positive models we have all around us.   Wouldn't it be great to know what keeps people dancing until they die, after years and years of dancing?  Look around and ask the "survivors" about how they have done it for over 7 years?  There are so many who stopped dancing, and you cannot easily find the vanished host of tango ghosts -- those who have disappeared through the years since you started.  Sure some have moved away and are dancing somewhere, but most just simply disappeared entirely from the tango world.


People who quit anything have "reasons" they tell themselves.  These reasons, I believe, are often external -- other people and situations. Ask those who continue, however!  The ones that make it, probably are not exclusionary or cliquish at all.  Those who keep dancing have found ways of renewing their joy.  The  locus of control is internal, not external.  At least this is my best guess from "interviewing" people who have been dancing tango over 7 years.  And for some it is not a problem or bad that they quit. They simply had a different goal than tango.  Perhaps tango was a check mark on their "Bucket List" (do-before-kicking-the-bucket list).


In a discussion with a favorite tanguera who has been dancing tango for eight years, I found out that she believes that if people make it past three years, they will stick with it.  But I doubt that this is true.  Another favorite tanguera believes in the "bucket list" theory.  "What if you meet the right soul-mate at tango, but tango is not that important?" she asked.  Good point.  But personally, I feel that drop-out rates happen because of adverse events and do slow after three years.  Even with the "soul-mates" -- one was jealous and did not want to continue.  Both quit.  This is an adverse event -- not learning about jealousy.  The same issue will come up later in a different community, and "having to quit for you" will be always over that couple.


I suggest you go to survey #5 "Why did you quit tango?" Click here for the survey.   Those who have quit more than any other factor say that people in tango were too exclusionary and cliquish.  This is not the best social research because responders (those who have quit) must go to a tango website and take the survey.  I would guess that most who quit don't look back or frequent tango web sites to take surveys!   But I think the responses are somewhat thought provoking.  Whatever the external reason is for quiting, however, there is a much more important internal reason.   My guess is that the internal reasons include:

• Tango was one of many opportunities to grow as a social animal; it was just a hobby.  The hobby is over and another one took its place.
• Tango was a place to meet a partner.  Checked the block.  Have a partner.  No longer dancing.
• One or more adverse events:  One got one's heart broken, and going back was too hard.  The songs have too many sad memories attached to them.
• The negative cognitive frame:  Tango was framed as an "addiction"; the medical business model won out.  You may have been obsessed with tango (like being obsessed with washing your hands or whatever), but this negative model of "addiction," predetermines that stopping therefore will be something positive, even healing.  

What is Your Risk of Quitting in a few years?

Mine is not zero percent.   I could quit tomorrow.  I know that tango is good for me on several levels, but I could very well retire my shoes and go do something else in spite of tango being good for me.  Let me explain a little about risk:

I remember asking alcoholics in my first group-therapist job of what the likelihood was that they would return to inpatient detoxification.  Those who said "zero percent likelihood" were actually the most at risk.  Those who face their own frailties are most likely able to make changes that will better their lot in life.


So I am looking at my frailties.  It used to be that poor floorcraft around me would ruin my night.  I am learning to mellow out a bit.  If not at the milonga, I would have to learn this somewhere else, right?  I have learned that I can allow people to be in their own little clique.  I have found that they need this for different reasons.  When I have found out, I have understood and accepted.  Even if they are just small hearted, why not let them stay in the group of the small hearted?  The tango community is going to have the same problems one finds in a church or synagogue; so leaving a tango community is just putting off with social skill development via avoidance of personal contact.  Certainly you will not get as many hugs at a church or synagogue.


When will you quit -- get a divorce from what you now love and show full devotion?  I want to dance through my life.  I haven't said my "tango vows" yet, but I am writing them.  There is a phrase I am considering:  "Until death do us part."  Of course, I am talking about by worn out tango shoes.  The soul never stops dancing.  Anyway, I can't imagine that heaven would really much fun without a milonga.  But the shoes?  We must indeed part sooner or later.

We are the Arch (poem)

The "apilado" or shared embrace of tango argentino

We are the Arch

It takes two ... for an Arch.
We connect and our feet have room to play.
Others cannot see what we do in our dance.
Can they hear our hearts beating together,
Or our breath in synchronicity to the music?

The arch of shared weight is the greatest mystery,
To those who might watch us.
I am not a pillar on my axis, but part of an Archway.
Above us may be the weight of the world,
But together we are strong.
And below us, our feet have room to play.

We are the human arch, you and I,
When our hearts connect.

Photo credit of Apilado couple (tango embrace):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pacoromero/2311524702/in/photostream/

Photo credit of archway, and please visit some great views of arches:
http://www.domoblue.co.cc/archway-trellis.html&page=5

Dance Shoes and Roller Skates

Dance Shoes and Roller Skates

When I arrive at the dance tonight,
I hope that you are not there yet.
I hope for a slow tango to be playing.
I need to prepare, breathe, slow things down.

I have learned a lot since being a kid.
I would put on my skates.
I could not wait
To fly on wheels again.
Each time in my excitement
I was forced to roll into the restroom.
What a challenge that was!
I thought I'd never learn.

But I am getting better.

Now, I have a new pair of skates,
   my dance shoes.
My heart flutters.
I want to fly again!
I try to get there before you do.
I hope in vain for a tango I don't like.
Yet if you are there,
And especially a milonga is playing.
I fumble to put on my new skates.

Then we fly together.
Nothing has really changed,
Except rolling into the restroom.



Photo credit:  the Kentucky Historical Society
http://www.lrc.ky.gov/record/Moments07RS/24_web_leg_moments.htm

If Einstein had danced tango

Part 2  of "The Theory of Relativity and Tango."

If Einstein had only known about tango, perhaps he would value it as much as a particle accelerator to study the origins of the universe and his Theory of Relativity.  You see, he valued creativity, saying:

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.

He to whom the emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand wrapped in awe, is as good as dead —his eyes are closed."

Although Einstein focused on physical reality, he venerated experiential reality as well.  When an hour of dancing leads you to feel as if time stopped or time sped up, please take note.  Why!  Why did this happen?  Which do you prefer? Can you alter outcomes?

Under the microscope of a meditative mind, time shows its plasticity both in quantum physics and metaphysics.  One would think that the plasticity of time should inspire some scientific exploration into slowing it down.*

If not scientists, then dancers must do it!

This has become my new goal in tango:  Find where time slows down even if the dance is a milonga or a fast tango.  Many dancers are experiencing time slowing, but the negative frame of "time goes fast when you are having fun" may hide the phenomenon from many tanguer@s.  Here are things to look for.

• A sense of being so fully in the moment that time seems to stop or feel as if it is in slow motion.
• The feeling as if the music led everything that happened and both responded in an equal way.
• A blurring of anyone else in the room and only one's partner is there.
• The intensity of information transfer, as if one knows about one's partners life, their day, their triumphs and struggles--  all through the walking embrace.
• A sense that through movement/music/embrace the brain is organizing information clutter, allowing the information overflow to be managed in nice folders.  (When this happens at a deeper level with trauma or critical stress events, it will feel as if centuries have passed in a single tanda.)

Steps for Slowing Down Time
Other than going at the speed of light for a period of time which also slows time

• Meditate in the walking embrace regularly. Imagine that you and others are sharing a walking-meditation Zen labyrinth.  Other couples are an active part of an amazing, moving, biological maze.  Dance simply, meditatively.
• Practice mindfulness while in the walking embrace.  Mindfulness is being fully present with your partner and within yourself.  Watching the mirror, noticing who just came in the door, or who will be your next partner are distractions that too often take us out of mindfulness. Talking-while-dancing evaporates mindfulness.  Dancing in silence is a basic tenant of Argentine tango etiquette for a good reason.  Tango is a walking -- not a talking -- meditation for two while others are silent!  However, the most disruptive moment to mindfulness may be concerned with how we might look to others who might be watching.  This takes discipline and is not easy for most of us. 
• Find freedom from an outside locus of control.  Performance anxiety intrudes in on one's sense of timelessness.  Chan Park, in his book Tango Zen  suggests simplicity in our dance, which he calls, a "walking meditation for two."  Great book. Simplicity needs to be an agreement of what you are doing.  Many dancers feel they need to take their partner on an exciting ride.  And although this is something that is fun, it is also a trap if we do it all the time. Conversely, some dancers wait "fun ride" by believing that a great dance all happened only "because you led it."  Both of these points of view are about the "locus of control" for one's experience being outside of oneself.  (Please read the article "The End of Leading is Near," for a fuller description of both partners being active in their very different roles.)  The balance of dance roles disassembles the misconception of locus of control resides in one dancer and not at all or less in the other.

I wish you many centuries on the dance floor during your next milonga.

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Photo Credit:

The photo comes from the Huffington's Post on Einstein's view of spirituality.  I recommend this short and profound article.

Preparing for my 25th year of tango

I just bought the napkins for my 25th year of dancing tango:  A big 25 in silver.

It's going to be a big deal.  So I have to start buying things for it now, and preparing.  I have 21 years to prepare.

A 25th anniversary is "silver."  By that time there won't be anymore silver coins; so I am saving a bunch of 25-cent pieces for each guest (we used to call them "quarters").  That will be a blast from the past to have a silver coin in your hand again.

The flower for a 25th anniversary is the iris.  In Spanish arco iris is "rainbow"; so I will have an arch (arco) of irises of different colors when you come in the door and greet me with a tango hug and besitos for the ladies.   I will hire taxi dancers for all the girls who come back to tango on that day.  But my favorite tangueras will be the ones who stuck it out with me through the years.

I expect and will hope for many women returning to tango on that day.  It will be a long process to get women to come back, and I have to start now.  Statistically speaking women don't make it past four years in tango.  So dancing with beginners is important.  As I get to know them will, I will start giving each one of them my invitation for my 25th Tango Anniversary Party.  Some twenty years later they will have gotten over some of the rude comments, elitism, and frustration of the lack of dance partners.  This party will be full of taxi dancers and agreement among all to dance with one another.

Of course you are invited.  I'll put you in my database.


PS:
This genre of writing is called the ironic essay in the future tense.  My real purpose is for me to think about what it will take to nurture my tango so that I will be physically and mentally fit enough to be present at my own party.  Will I just burn out?  How likely is it that you will make it to 25?  If tango is an "addiction" you will be "cured" by the fourth to seventh year.  But if you see tango as way of being connected to others and joy of movement, you might start wanting to save up quarters too.  One thing about this essay -- your being invited was not ironic!

The description of how to get to my party is below.

Theory of Relativity and Tango

The Theory of Relativity and Tango

If Einstein had danced tango, his theories of relativity would have been substantially changed.

According to the Theory of Relativity, IF a train could go the speed of light, time would be altered by the time it stopped at its next station.  But who goes the speed of light?

Tangueros do.  Or at least time is altered during a wonderful tanda or milonga.

If you are reading this blog, I am certain that you have experienced time going SLOW when you are having fun.  Maybe it even stopped?  My theory is that a milonga is the only place on earth where this happens socially.  Meditation brings people to this space individually or in a perhaps in a monastery collectively, but not via social interaction.

I did an Internet search on "time goes slow when you are having fun" and the entries all agreed that time goes FAST when we are having fun.  Not with tango.  Centuries pass during a tanda.  I sense an exchange of information, soul-to-soul that allows me to go places I have never been.  I have visited countries I have never seen, walked on paths new to me, climbed mountains, newly discovered.  Centuries later, the music stops, and I am holding the only woman I have ever known.  She hooks her arm around mine and time resumes at it's normal pace.  I escort her to the tables, where Albert Einstein is sitting, smiling as he sips his Merlot.  He is taking a few notes.

Dear Readers, leave a comment.  Help me validate that tango is actually doing the opposite of the norm (time going fast when you are having fun)  -- at least at times and under certain conditions.

Part two of this article will give some ideas of when and why time can slow or stop during tango.  But I would like to hear your ideas!

Musicality: More on Vals Cruzado

I will have a Vals Cruzado with butter, the way Detlef and Melina make it, please!

This post is on musicality and may be a little too cerebral.  I have notation at the end of what is happening musically (after the video).  If it does not interest some readers, then please just enjoy the nice visual of this tasty video clip that Detlef just published today.  Many dancers are doing interesting rhythms, but this couple maintain an embrace and do everything without losing the most beautiful element of what tango is -- the walking embrace.

NOTES on musicality

Key to notation:

1 (or any number) is a step

* is a rest.

/ denotes a segment (bar) of music, assuming that phrases are in 12 beats (four bars).

When I lived in Germany, I met Melina Sedó and Detlef Engle.  At the time I was new to tango, and I just had no idea how fortunate I was to learn from them. 

In this video clip, Detlef and Melina dance mostly on the down beat (1**/4**/7**/10**), but when the music calls for it often they dance on every beat.  Watch for (123/4**/789/10**) especially at the start, and then later throughout.   Before I hear the critics making comments, of course musicians do not count the vals cruzado or any waltz in 12.  But that is the way we feel it.

Speaking of 12-beat phrases, note how often our dancers catch the last of the phrase with (1**/4**/789/10**).  Starting at minute 2:22 they start a nice series of these examples, starting with (...789/10**) and then going into (123/4**/789/10**). 

Detlef will also do these faster steps as she is marking the slower down beat (1/4/7/10).  Dancing together but on different steps is what most distinguishes a "normal" waltz and val cruzada. Perhaps this is where I have the most fun in a val -- the freedom to have two different steps going on at the same time.  

Also, note the very nice series of sacadas as she is in a circle promenade.  The audience applauds.  I am sure you will applaud too -- for the whole performance. 

Desde el Alma (From the Soul)

A vals cruzado played in my head.
As if the the DJ had read my thoughts,
Desde el Alma.* started to play.
I turned to see whose eyes were upon me,
I could feel her gaze
Knocking to enter my soul.
She sat there in control of the room,
A radiant cabeco merely with
  her look,
  red dress,
  radiant smile
  on Valentine's Day.

"Matters not if you believe in Cupid's arrow,
This dart from her eyes will vanquish you."

These were the words last night
That woke me from my sleep.
A red haze fills my head
As those words have echoed
Off the walls of everyday life,
The walls of my waking dreams.
Will I tempt my fate?
Or should I avoid the milonga
On St. Valentine's Day
Because I truly do not believe
In Cupid's arrow?
But even if I did believe,
I would be a fool to try to hide
From her darting eyes.

*Desde el Alma by Rosita Melo means "From the Soul," a vals cruzada (tango waltz).  If you have only a little time, read at least the last stanza in English.
Words by Homero Manzi (followed by English):
Alma, si tanto te han herido
¿Por qué te niegas al olvido?
¿Por qué prefieres
llorar lo que has perdido
buscar lo que has querido
llamar lo que murió?

Vives inútilmente triste
y sé que nunca mereciste
pagar con penas
la culpa de ser buena,
tan buena como fuiste, por amor.

Fue lo que empezó una vez
lo que después dejó de ser.
Lo que al final, por culpa de un error
fue noche amarga del corazón.

¡Deja esas cartas!
Vuelve a tu antigua ilusión.
Junto al dolor
que abre una herida
llega la vida, trayendo amor.

Vives inútilmente triste
y sé que nunca mereciste
pagar con penas
la culpa de ser buena
tan buena como fuiste, por amor.

En inglés:

Soul, if they have hurt you so much
Why do you refuse to forget?
Why do you prefer
to cry for what you've lost
to look for what you've wanted
to call for what has died?

You live needlessly sad
and I know that you never deserved
to redeem with sorrow
the blame of being good,
as good as you were, for love.

It was what once began
what later ceased to be.
What at the end, for the fault of a mistake
was a bitter night for the heart.

Forget those letters!
Come back to your old dream.
Together with the pain
that opens a wound
life arrives, bringing love.

You live needlessly sad
and I know that you never deserved
to pay* with sorrow
the blame of being good,
as good as you were, for love

See http://www.planet-tango.com/lyrics/desdelma.htm by Alberto Paz
*I changed this from "redeem" given at the above link.

Dancing on a Dime with Tinker Bell

Every once in a while, when I have self-doubts about my path as a milonguero-style dancer,  I have to go back to a favorite video clip of Ney Melo and Jennifer Bratt, "Dancing Tango in a Small Space."



I admit it.  I have cool tango moves envy of the guys who can do all sorts of cool and showy moves that take up three acres of floor space to do.  Last night as I was dancing at a crowed, huge house party in Washington DC, there were a few guys who were doing all the coolest moves in the world near or next to me.  I see them in other milongas, and many have something in common:  They cause havoc on the social dance floor around them.  It is not fun to be near them, but they get a lot of attention from those who are watching.

I then have a bout of "cool tango moves envy."  I tell myself:  "I wish I could dance like that."  But anytime I open up the embrace, I am reminded that dancing for show may have a feeling of mastery but not the feeling of the connection to my partner as close embrace has.  A walking embrace allows for little nuances of the music to be felt between partners, and that disappears when I open up.

I knew very few people at that house party, and it was as crowed as ever.  So I stayed nearly the entire evening with the one partner. I know she could dance on a dime.  She doesn't pull me in directions I don't want to go when space is limited.  She closes her eyes, which in that sort of environment could be dangerous.  But because she is so intuitive and trusts my "protection" we scoot around without her getting hurt or stabbed by boleos from homicidal tangueras.  Although she is short we have a remarkable connection that allows us to dance in the tiniest places.  Also, because she is short I have no blind spots.  I usually prefer the tall ladies, but dancing with "Tinker Bell" has its advantages.

The super-cool tangueros were obviously frustrated last night that they didn't have lots of room at the height of the evening, when we had 20 square centimeters each to dance on.  Dancing in a little bitty place is not their forte, and everything that was cool was no longer possible.  But Tinker Bell and I, with the help of her tiny wings, whirred around like angles on a head of a pin.  I wonder now if the super-cool tangueros have "dancing-on-a-dime" envy.  But I doubt it.

Super-Cool Tourists in Buenos Aires, I have heard, are gently "reprimanded"  by the locals with something like:  "You two dance like your are on stage!"  This is a nice way of saying, "You are dancing irresponsibly."  But these same tourists think of that as a compliment because they wish they were just like their stage tango instructors, who are making a good living in America.

Just Kuhl, a great salón-style dancer from Germany, has been going to Buenos Aires for decades.  During my last trip to Germany, he told me that he never plans to go back.  "It's no longer the Buenos Aires I once knew.  It is full of tango touristas," he said. Just Kuhl is an incredible teacher and dancer to watch, but he dances to fit the space and always maintains a connection.  He doesn't bring his ability to perform to a tight social dance floor.  But now he must share the dance floor in Buenos Aires with those who only know how to dance as if the spot light were on them.  Of course there are those tourists who respect the norms of a social dance floor, but more and more hot-shots from around the world come to Buenos Aires to prove to themselves what they already know rather prove to themselves how much they could learn.

Just Kuhl and some friends in Kaiserslautern, Germany

Tango has a wide spectrum of expression, and stage tango is an important part of that.  It brings new life to tango from people who would not have ever started dancing without being enamored by the magic of how it all looks.  And so it was with me!  But then I started to listen to people who knew a few things about what tango is at its best.

One day, I was chatting with a psychiatrist from Buenos Aires who worked at the hospital I was at.  I showed her a video of a super-cool tanguero couple, doing all sorts of wonderful moves.  I had only been dancing for a few months, and she told me:  "No es tango argentino verdadero."     I did not understand for years what she meant that was not the "real" tango from Argentina.  Of course it is real.  But it is not the expression that she knew, which was a walking embrace, totally cued into what the music was suggesting.

Over and over conversations, like this one with my colleague from Argentina, shock my tango reality -- my sense of what tango is.   These moments keep bringing me back to the idea that tango argentino is at center an embrace and a dance between two people, a dance with nuances that others cannot see, a dance that may look even boring to those watching, but is full of magic for the two who are experiencing the beauty of the music.  Just Kuhl was one of my first teachers who felt that the essence of tango was the embrace, but at that time I felt he was wrong.  Actually, he was right on the money.

Slowly but surely I discovered what others were talking about.  Sure, I still sometimes have super-cool-tango-moves envy, but I get over it when I go back to the embrace.  Dancing on a dime with Tinker Bell last night was an example of the reaffirmation that I am on the right path -- the tango of nuance and feeling rather than visual appeal.

I grabbed Tinker Bell's hand and asked her to go upstairs to dance some salsa at the house party, and as we were leaving the dance floor, a French woman stopped us and asked us how long we had been dancing together.  "You two must have been dancing for years together," she said.  She said that she sat mesmerized by tiny precision we shared.  The reality was that we have danced perhaps five or six times together.  Perhaps the way of dancing just for one's partner has some visual appeal too!  But that is why I take my glasses off.  I don't want to see what people are looking at.   I don't want to be worrying about what people think.

I try to "dance as if no one were watching," so that I don't lose the magic of what we are feeling -- just the two of us --  Tinker Bell and I, dancing on a dime.


PS:
Another great "small spaces" video clip:

Nighthawks: Tangueros who pass on the Right

This is NOT a collision but close embrace airborne tango

Tangueros collide.  Cars collide.  Airplanes collide.  Birds don't.  Or do they?

Well, we all know that birds do collide into windows, right?  Because they cannot see windows.  And I collide into people who pass on the right on the outside lane of dance, especially when my partner is a tall woman because I cannot see.  Men who pass on the right are "Night Hawk Tangueros."   In some respect tango dancers are very much like birds.  Not enough, but there are some similarities.  We are doing pretty well, and maybe even better than birds, given the task at hand.

Milonga movement together by outsiders looks harmonious -- like birds flying in a swarm.  As non-bird beings, we have no idea how birds are pissing each other off by getting too close or brushing up to each other.  We, as outsiders, have no idea about the peloton of birds.  Who knows?  Birds may be like a "flock" of le Tour de France cyclists.  Very dangerous, aggressive and not at all like most tangueros.  Or so we would hope.

The other thing is that birds of a feather flock together.  Ever see of swarm of sparrows changing direction with a few pelicans?  Tangueros have all types of birds flying in one swarm.  We are not birds of a feather. We are even more amazing than birds, I think!

Tango Birds (the abbreviated list):
Pelicans:  Tango Nuevo dancers need more room and flap around a lot more.
Eagles: Salon close embrace make a V-shape in order to do some cool maneuvers.
Song birds:  Milongueros tweeting around in a little space, loving the "feeling" of being a bird.
Mocking birds:  Sitting down at the tables and talking about all the other birds who are flying.
Night Hawks:  Tangueros passing on the right on the outside line of dance (also called, "bats-out-of-hell").
Wise Owls:  The man stalled out on the milonga floor explaining his wisdom to a new tanguera.  (Birds staying in any one spot for too long leave droppings, so watch your step.)
Chickens:  Tango lovers on sofas, watching "Dancing with the Stars."  Birds that do not fly, but are birds.

Wouldn't it be great if were all the same kind of bird?  It's never going to happen, so do your very best.  Collisions do happen, but lets hope that it is rare.

 If you do ever shoot a Night Hawk, be sure to do a slow barbecue.  They are really tough.



Photo:  See http://www.flickr.com/photos/dgriebeling/ for great professional photos.

When tango is NOT therapeutic

Walking from the brain's perspective.  It's more than exercise

When is tango not therapeutic?
Rarely.

Tango cannot be everything or used to help you through everything.

Tango may need some help!  If you are suffering from depression, insomnia, obsessions, anxiety, then tango actually can be a problem if you rely on it as your only method of therapy.

You may need medication, counseling and a combination of other activities rather than large doses of the thing that seems to help the most -- tango.   Any ONE therapeutic intervention by itself may be counter-productive.  For example, taking medication alone for insomnia may mask the problem and bring no longterm solution.  All studies show that psychotropic medications work best when in taken in conjunction with counseling.  I would add to counseling, "getting out and living life, including dancing"!  So it is with tango.  What other resources need to be taken with your dose of tango?

As a therapist, working at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, I have been suggesting "self-care" to soldiers using bi-lateral stimulation to the brain through walking, more specifically -- a "tango walk," a graceful, contra-body walk.  Many of my patients have PTSD.

Walking has a long history of helping people cope.  People who walk over five miles a day are far healthier than those who do less.  Most of the research misses why they are healthier and happier.  Is it just exercise?  Maybe the brain is a lot happier with the stimulation that left/right repetition-through-walking provides.  A happy brain helps the whole body to thrive.  Walking makes us happier, more serene, more focused.  Just ask a meditating, walking Buddhist monk!  Or the many prophets who met or pondered their calling on a walk.  Tango is essentially a walk -- especially millonguero style tango.

 Maybe you decided whom to marry or what career course to take while on a walk.  This walk creates through the feet bi-lateral stimulation.  Now that you know HOW to walk from dancing tango, try the "walking-solution," but now using the graceful, contra-body walk you have learned via tango.  And watch out!  Fireworks!

A graceful walk decreases depression, helps with balance, helps the mind sort out stresses and obsessions.  Who hasn't experienced that?  Great brain research is proving what we already know.  The brain that has gone out for a walk looks different afterwards.  The negative ions of fresh air (which the brain loves) and dopamine release are all part of exercise, but also this comes, and maybe even mainly comes, from the the bi-lateral stimulation of the brain (the left/right repetition of the feet hitting the ground) while the brain is doing it main work -- adaptation to its environment.  Runners are not the only ones with a "high" provided by this bi-lateral simulation to the brain.  If "exercise" were the most important element in getting high through bi-lateral stimulation through movement, runners would be happier than tango dancers.  The "tanguero's high" beats runner's high hands down.  I speak with authority here: I have run 14 marathons.

So my soldier clients report that they can now "walk out" anger, frustration and even anxiety by walking.  They seemed to be more grounded too, meaning that flashbacks are more in control.  Many wounded soldiers need more exercise; so going for walks is a great "side effect."  Aren't you glad that they are doing this rather than going for a ride in their big trucks to work out anger?  Also, most soldiers suffering from PTSD-like symptoms need to get up and out, instead of the common avoidance of everything and everyone outside their apartment.  A graceful walk alone or with someone they love is a great resource.  Now imagine walking and holding that person!  Did I say "fireworks" for just walking?  A walking embrace is exactly what people are talking about when they talk about the "addictive" quality of tango. 

A future post will address what happens when the power of touch and music are added to the walk.

Again, tango is not automatically therapeutic, but often is.  In some cases, I suppose it could be just an escape, or even feel somewhat like an "addiction."  Tango can be counter-productive, but it cannot be an addiction.*   Mostly, tango is a very positive, therapeutic element in my life.  I suppose that if you are reading this, tango probably has been therapeutic in yours as well.


*Tango is never "addictive" (which is a terrible misuse of words).  However tango can be an avoidance behavior.  Here are some thoughts on this subject:  "Tango is not an addiction, Part I / Part II" (links below).
http://tango-beat.blogspot.com/2009/11/part-i-tango-is-not-addiction.html  
http://tango-beat.blogspot.com/2009/11/2-solution-part-2.html

Note: The above photo is from a "how to" website on Yoga walking, which underscores the message here, although misses the point about the role of bi-later stimulation to the brain.  Please visit this link.

The very last tanda (poem)

A gift from a freind:         "Tangeros"  by Charlie Homberg

The Very Last Tanda

I promised her La Cumparsita.

I searched for her frantically
  with my eyes when I heard
  the call for "last tanda!"

I surprised myself with my panic.
I had to dance with her.
I knew it would be our last time ever.
Then she would be gone.
And who knows if she'd ever return?

When I found her, my face was relieved,
Like when a father finds a missing child.
We both shared looks of relief
That silently embarrassed us both.
I held her, melting into her embrace.
I smelled her hair one last time,
And wanted to break the silence
To ask what fragrance it was,
But I knew it was just her scent,
Not something from a dainty bottle
That I could buy to capture her essence,
And hide it in a drawer in her absence.

I could feel her heart pound,
And I wondered if she were okay.
I wasn't.  I would be over too soon.

The music pulled us even closer,
And we moved as one.
The last ever dance drew out
Each second, each step
As precious as life itself.

"This probably will be the last time,"
I told myself.
Until tomorrow, that is --
When we would dance again
As if it were our last.

Men: Don't let another man lead her

One man, one woman...and tango.  ¡Basta!

Last night Maxi Gluzman taught before the milonga at Eastern Market in DC.  As much as I loved his class and used a few of his concepts at the milonga, I never let him lead my tanguera for the rest of the night.  He taught a very tasty milonguero step that added to what I have been enjoying lately:  Namely, walking two steps to her one (when the music calls for it), but he added the idea of having the man's two steps to be syncopated to her one step.*  Later, after the class, Maxi was no longer leading my partner.  Maxi was off dancing with another woman.


Why let another man into the private space between you and your partner?  If I were to dance just a step in spite of the music, then I would have been allowing Maxi to lead my partner.  When the music leads a step, then another man is no longer leading.  Make sense?


Dancing just steps, however, happens all too much at milongas.  Men learn a bunch of things in a class, and then they lead what another man led (or taught) in a class without the music dictating that it makes sense.  Now we have a threesome.  Women do automatic things too -- so we now have way too many invitations of other people into our private space.**


The solution to this is to stop leading.  And of course stop allowing another man (or woman) to jump into the mix.  The music leads.  Period.  Women who listen to the music, go on a wonderful journey with me.  I am not forced to lead them.  Musically and metaphorically speaking, I am in my role (giving the "tone" of movement), and if she stays in her role (being the "rest" of movement), the music can now lead.  If I didn't know better (that music leads both men and women), I would say to my lady after a magical tanda:  "Wow, you are really a great leader."  Just because I did things I had never done before and our movement was so unique and wonderful, that does not make her a leader.  This is just as true for men.  The music leads.  IF we let it.  If a woman tells me I led well, I try to say: "We heard the music, and it led us so wonderfully. ¿No?"  But this often goes over their heads, because the usual analogy for tango is officer/soldier (leader/follower).  Sad.  But true.  They look at me as if I said something in Norwegian with a Chinese accent. 


You do not have to be a musicologist or know which orchestra is playing.  Your body will know that something different is happening if you allow it to happen.  Please tell me I am not the only one.  Haven't you too noticed that sometimes it seems that tangueros/as are dancing IN SPITE of the music.  And at the moment I am writing about tango not salsa, which is notoriously a patchwork of cool moves, having nothing to do with the music.  [Aside: I dance salsa and love it.  It doesn't have to be that way, but it too often is just a patchwork of moves.]  Tango is indeed generally danced improvisational in harmony with the music, but sometimes I fear that this will be lost eventually.  Please don't say, "That will never happen."  Churches are full of liturgies because the improvisational art in many traditions was lost centuries ago.  Baroque music was basically improvisational -- an improvisational art form that is all but lost.  Even the art of Jazz is often just read from sheet music without a moment of improvisation.  Ouch!

I don't want to give up hope. Lack of musicality may be a beginner problem.  Well, it is.  Some beginners have been dancing for well over 10 years. Recently I saw a video of world championships for tango in Buenos Aires.  Oh the horror!  My mouth dropped open and I went into a moment of depression:  I beheld experienced dancers who swept across the floor before the judges, mostly doing "wonderful" flowing movements no matter what was being played in a series of thee songs.  I was horrified.  The music was suggesting much different moves and stops, but few were listening.  I guess that what distinguished the winners in that competition.  They were being led by the music.  


Let me share a transformational moment in my tango development that I nearly had forgotten until this moment.  In the summer of 2009, I was away from home, and I decided I would go to local milonga near the airport.  Because of not knowing anyone, a first song of a tanda had me dancing very simply.  At the time I thought it was especially funny how I danced incredibly straight forward, but musically.  At the song's end the tanguera pulled back and said, "That was incredible. No one dances like that here!"  This really was a transformational moment in my tango development that a woman would be so astounded at my dancing when it was not only super simple but absolutely "dialed in" musically.  The MUSIC is really incredible.  


Are we allowing the most wonderful leader, the music, to lead?   One man, one woman...and tango.  That's enough!




*The two to one rhythm is usually her on the bass and the man on a marching bandoneón or pizzicato violins playing straight eights.  He taught that she would stay on the bass but the man is on 1e// + 2e// + 3e// (assuming 4/4 time), and the last she cross in unison to the man.  Very nice, Maxi! 


**The theme of this article is only metaphorical of allowing another person into your relationship.  Before my comment box, email and Facebook comments get slammed full of objections, let me suggest that , of course, speaking metaphorically is problematic.  Influence of other people is normal and accompany us everywhere, including our most intimate spaces.  I was just trying to get your attention. :-)


Photo credit:  http://www.ajaxallpurpose.blogspot.com/