Dancing through life with balance

The tango community is filled with people who are a rare breed of humanity.  

Throughout time, people who learn the arts with passion often look at the world in a different way.  What makes tango and my tango friends special, I think, is that this art form has its origins in social connection and improvisation.  

Tango is a rare "performing art" for just two people.

Even though tango has a special place among the arts, all artists--passionate dancers, artists, musicians--have at least a chance of looking at all of life in a deeper way.  I think the passion for dancing tango helps people to find a more harmonized world view.  Ancient civilizations or any modern country that appreciates the arts has more of a three-dimensional view of life in general. Tango, with its social, improvisational core, makes it especially wonderful for helping people gain a multi-dimensional world-view.

I have garnered many close friendships from dancing tango with people from all over the world.  And the one thing that is most amazing is not that tango is a universal body language, but it also helps all of us be more balanced in our world-views. The world around us tends to try to understand reality empirically.  That is good but limited.  In a sense, it is the "body" or "outward manifestation" model. The ancient Greeks had a great way of explaining three ways to understand reality.  This is the artist's view, a three-dimensional model to look at the perceptual world:  Body, soul and spirit.  This 3-D model is a common way for truly amazing tango dancers to see the world, and here below I think, is how they understand their art. 

Harmonizing of a 3-D World Body (outward expression model) Soul (the balance of intellect & emotion model) Spirit (energy & flow model)

BODY (Greek: soma): Health Model: Wellness-focused dancers take care of their body's health. They avoid over-use, which leads to injury and pain. She sleeps, eats, and exercises to maintain bodily health. A healthy body relies on other qualities from soul and spirit. A healthy middle ear is the only reason a dancer can physically balance. This type of balance is only an analogy of the balance of intellect and emotion (soul).

SOUL (Greek: psyche*). Balance Model: A long-term excellent dancer who has emotional and intellectual balance is creative, passionate but intellectually aware. The balance (soul) model is dissimilar to the body wellness/sickness model of the soul. "Mental health" exists in ancient literature but only as poetry and analogy. Still today, "mental health," is simply a way for "therapists" (from Greek "healers") to be accepted into the payment side of insurance and the medical system. Have a balanced soul but a healthy body! Even then with balance and wellness, finally, where does energy/flow come from? Something is missing, and that is the third model of Spirit.

SPIRIT (Greek: pneuma*). Energy Flow Model: Certain dancers, although older, may have a huge reservoir of energy flow or Chi. Where does that come from? Sometimes the ONLY time they really have great energy is when they are dancing. When the music stops, they may even limp off the dance floor and are weary again.

How well are you harmonizing these three models in your dance, or for that matter, your life? Look around. Many apparently good dancers may have dead-end dance and personal lives. They mistreat their body with over-use, poor sleep, too much alcohol, or push themselves to dance when they are not well. Even if the body is well, perhaps they may not be balanced in their psyche because they spend too much on intellectual choreography or are passionate but too much in their own world. Or perhaps, they are healthy in body and balanced with emotion and intellect, but some dancers may be burnout, leaving tango because they lack energy flow. Their energy may wain or be totally blocked by events in their life which will cause this energy to go off on some other tangent.

Harmonizing body, soul, and spirit is the ancient way of harmonizing everything, including dancing. Isn't dance one of the most ancient wonders of the world? Being a healthy, balanced, and spirited dancer makes you a living ancient wonder in our modern myopic health-and-body-focused world. You, a tango dancer, have learned, indirectly perhaps, a three-dimensional view. That is why you love the dance and the people in the community who organically see many of the world issues similarly and harmonize with the planet more than most communities to which they belong.

My hope is to my body, soul, and spirit into everything you do.

*Spirit in Greek is pneuma. and means breath, wind, and spirit in Ancient Greek. Other words used by ancient writers used shakti (Sanskrit) and chi (Chinese). **Psyche does not mean the "mind" in Greek but means "soul" which is a balance of emotions and intellect. Note: Did you notice that I did not have to explain soma, "body." Everyone seems to understand the empirical, externalized, non-contemplative, what-you-see-is-what-you-get model. :-)

Photo credits:

• Balancing tango dancers. "Tightrope Tango" by Christopher Clark http://www.christopherclark.com/
• Spirit, soul, body graphic: https://www.slideshare.net/salvation123/spirit-soul-bodyr1

Who takes the blame for Magical Moments?

A common experience I hear from followers is that during their earlier tango days, they experienced the most wonderful magical moments. 

I wonder if this comes from giving all the praise--especially as a beginner--to a great leader. And leaders, being human, can easily and gladly accept the "blame" for the magical moment. My experience is that equally wonderful moments happen in the arms of a non-judgemental woman who opens doors I didn't know even existed. 

A few women especially come to mind. As a relatively new dancer, I once met a beginner who co-created magical moments with me.  Now as a veteran dancer, she still does it. The problem that I see, is that she still "blames me" entirely for all the cool ideas that come out of our dance--things I have never done before. If anyone is to blame, she is. Another woman in the same community does the same thing for me, and just recently after years of not seeing her, we danced again.  It's true that I feel I have far passed her ability, but the same magical moments happen with doors opening that I never knew existed.  I do not "blame her" for these moments. We share the "blame" for our mindful moments and magic.

Tango addictions
It's no wonder that people call tango "addictive."  Tango that has it's best highs early on sounds a bit like cocaine. The best cocaine highs are reported by addicts when they first snort this drug, and then after this early experience, one is simply chasing that earlier high.  So get over the addiction model, and start taking at least half of the "blame" for your highs in tango. This will snuff out the addiction model, which eventually will lead you to be "cured" one day from lack of working on your responsibility and your need to grow as a dancer, both psychologically and spiritually.  No one is perfect in this regard, but magical moments will increase and not diminish on this path of shared responsibility.

Tango detox
Tango is not a drug that is responsible for our highs.  But this perception happens when another person's great dancing is perceived as responsible for our magical moments. It's hard not to blame others who are either judged as good or bad dancers.  But it is all about shared responsibility. Generally speaking, I think it easy to practice tango "blaming"--both positive and negative. These are two sides of the same coin.

Share responsibility!  Even if the dance did not go right, many other things are amazing about the night when I look mindfully. The person who isn't dancing well may have just recovered from cancer treatment or is finally getting on with their life after a dark period.  Who knows?  The magical moment is to be present, and when I do this, I have lots of magical moments in all aspects of my life, not just tango.

I need to remind myself of this over and over.

Do not go back to basics

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." Leonardo da Vinci 

Dancers often lament having to start all over with a new teacher.  What a sad thing it is to learn that we need to "return to the basics."  Private lessons may have been started for the express purpose of going from being intermediate finally to be advanced.   The prospect of working on basics may have more than a few people shaking their heads and telling themselves,  "I thought I was getting pretty good.  Now, I am starting all over!"

There is a solution to this problem: 

Embracing your Imperfection

Tango is a great laboratory for self-discovery.  
Dancing brings out my feelings and insights into myself like no other activity I have known.

Below I have a video clip for you that put some great insights together, a lecture called the "Space between self-esteem and self-compassion" by Dr. Kristin Neff.

From her insights, I realized that the best efforts of educators and therapists have created a world that has less compassion for self and others.  Each year measures of  "self-esteem" rise, but this has become another word for "over-rating oneself."  Perhaps in the misguided world of trying to being special, according to Dr. Neff, we have even created bullies--the need of some people to be better and "extra-special"-- when not merited.

In talking with others about this concept, a visual idea came to mind that you can apply to your dancing or any aspect of your life.  Dr. Neff talks about three elements being in balance:  self-kindness, our acknowledgement of our part in humanity's universal imperfection, and finally, self-esteem.  Please watch the video, but I think this graphic (below) will help you understand the profundity of her ideas:

First look at the bottom of the graph, which describes the bell curve of our shared humanity (that we are all imperfect to some degree).  Using dance as an example, being "too compassionate" with yourself will keep you from getting better, and feeling too much self-esteem keeps you from being present with your partner as you think too much about yourself and being great--especially in tango, a social and partner-centered dance.  The bell curve is a centered "fulcrum":  A mix of knowing your talents and being at ease with your limitations.  Each person is different, but that balance is essential for each of us.*

The top line, balancing on the top of humanity's shared imperfection, is the balancing rod of self-compassion and self-esteem.  If "the space between" is equidistant between self-compassion and self-esteem, the person will be balanced and happier about their expression of tango (or any other subject).

I work at being kind to myself.  I think these ideas (expanded below in the talk by Dr. Neff) have deep meaning for anyone who thinks they have pretty good self-esteem, but are also not very kind to themselves.  That's me.  Being kind to others seems much easier.  But, I realize now something is out of balance, and it is not just me.  I think many around me struggle with this same imbalance.  Perhaps, humanity's imbalance is even the center of our imperfection?

Maybe you didn't need to hear this message, but I did:



How is your dancing?   How is your "space between" self-compassion and self-esteem?  Starting with my first class in tango, I wished now that I just worked on being advanced in "being kind to oneself."  Then self-esteem can truly be because of merit.  Also, I must admit that my self-esteem may have been unmerited, especially as a young musician, as I secretly dealt with my self-doubts.  On a deeper philosophical and spiritual level, self-esteem is very much like the cheap-grace spiritual movement, such as the bully who believes he is going to heaven but is cruel to others.  Or on a more personal level, my own self-kindness in certain areas of my life, I now realize, has had to work overtime to cover over the sins of unmerited self-esteem.

What class are you in for being kind to yourself and others?  Advanced?  Intermediate?  I am glad to be a beginner.  That's better than not even knowing that I needed to start!


*The bizarre bell curve:  The unusual thing about the bell curve that I am proposing out of Dr Neff’s inspiration is that we usually do not think of being at the top of the bell curve as being desirable.  However, in the illustrated graph above, it is extremely important to aspire to the “summit” of the bell curve.  To demonstrate this concept, take the story of Buddha or Jesus or whomever you see as being an "enlightened one."  The story of Buddha is that he was protected as a prince from knowing the depravity of human existence.  Once he became aware, his shock and empathy took him to the bottom his psychological life.  Is not the "space between" a middle point where great people go to help others?  In Buddhism another term for this is “the Middle Way.”  The middle point is the place that suffering people go to receive help, and where privileged people go to help from their strengths.  Jesus’ story is one of a perfect man preaching among sinners and healing the sick.  He also touched the very bottom of human existence by being tortured for being seditious.  His teachings such as “love your enemies” still are seditious—even in the very Church he founded.  The Word becoming flesh is also a middle point.  It must be a great disappointment to inspired teachers that their followers seem to try to find the far right end of the bell curve and look back at humanity with their own hard-earned self-esteem.


Therapist: Thanks for sharing this with us. Your "beginners mind" helps me and I think it will help many.

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Graphic:  Mark Word

Photo credit:  http://theworkingcaregiver.org/2011/01/07/the-space-between-events-a-caregivers-story/

The Grace of Embrace

Image and Likeness of Grace

I once tried to understand religious grace.
I watched the cruel ones claim salvation's grace.
The cruel bully at work, proclaims his salvation:

"Not by works, but by grace we are saved,"

He announces--in all of his proud gracefullness.

I find heavenly moments at the milonga.

A refuge from the the cruelties of the world.
I ponder how a dancer embodies grace --
Its essence, not given but striven for.
Do not angels work on their grace of flight?

The Grace of Embrace is my heaven on earth.
Its warmth is the likeness of celestial grace,
Movement in tandem with the divine.
It is not Soul alone who embraces me
But dual grace, a duet, a harmony of two.

Spirit's grace stays on axis when I wobble.
She doesn't leave me when I stumble.

She directs the heavenly choir of dead musicians,
Beating out canyenge rhythms on my soul.
This is truly Amazing Grace.

Photo Credit:

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/martha%20graham 
Artistic notes:Martha Grahm would not have been caught in a tutu, but I liked the photo. 

Post Script:
Before I was the "tango therapist," at work I would send out a few friends messages of "tango theology."  So this is another part of me -- the Tango Thelogian: 

Notes on Tango Theology:
Christian theology, the idea of God's grace is that it is an unmerited gift of God, from a letter written by St. Paul.  Ephesians 2:8:   "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. .  I do not think Paul is saying this in the way that it has been misused over the centuries.  The context is talking about "works" and the discussion is that the new believers had to be circumsized  -- good that he cleared up the issue of "works."  That would have been a bloody problem.  James 2:18 addressed the misuses written after St Paul:  "But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works."  Grace is not given even though not unmerited!

So my definition, as I have learned from tango's help is this --Grace:  An awakening to our merited divine beauty.  Divine grace and the grace of a dancer are expression of the same thing:  Elegance and refinement and movement before and with God and her creation."  Don't look for this definition in any dictionary.

Buenos Aires is NOT the Mecca of Tango

Follow the line of dance with reverence for tradition.

There is no Mecca of tango. . .

Language sometimes hides the truth.  We should be careful about describing tango as having a "Mecca."  Buenos Aires is not a Mecca.  Not even close.  Thinking this way allows us to forget how fragile tango is.  Sure, at the moment it is doing fairly well, but statistically, tango is a precious but yet insignificant phenomenon.  In some ways it is only by chance that it has survived.  Maybe we should learn something here.

Tango's culture consists of a fringe of musicians and dancers whose numbers are insignificant in any major city in the world compared to the general population of the city.  Tango never had a Mecca -- except in our minds perhaps.  We may cherish the notion that we could go somewhere like Buenos Aires, and there we might find that everyone dances tango and listens to the music in the streets.  That's the great Buenos-Aires-as-Mecca myth.  Remember too that New York City still has streets of gold, right?

I suggest you go to Mecca!  (Well, how about imagining a trip to Mecca?)  That holy city is a concourse of many languages and peoples, but pretty much everyone there is to accomplish the same thing.  Tango doesn't have such a place.

But while you are at Mecca in your imaginations, notice a few things that tangueros could learn:  The floorcraft in Mecca is amazing -- imagine the harmony of so many people circling the walls of the Ka'bah.  


There are indeed medical emergencies at Mecca all the time, but not a single case of misplaced ganchos or getting spiked from a frivolous boleo.  Perhaps the danger of bad floorcraft is getting stoned (with rocks), and that might be a hindrance?  [Milonga organizers:  I am not suggesting anything here for your local milonga.]

Tango is fragile.  There are only a few believers.  Embrace each other.   Greet a stranger with kindness at your next pilgrimage to a milonga.  Give alms to the poor (beginners) who need a mentor.

If your milonga feels like Mecca, perhaps you have achieved at least a moment of heaven on earth.  But sorry, it isn't Mecca.  It's a milonga.  Compared to the overwhelming personal dedication and the power in numbers at Mecca, your milonga is small with many semi-dedicated "pilgrams":  Fragile.  Insignificant.  Even in Buenos Aires.

Take care of this small oasis of your life.  Tango's "pilgrams" amount to a micro-ecosystem like an oasis, not at all like a flood of Islamic pilgrims on their way to Mecca.  Your oasis can dry up and disappear.  Care for it.  It is so precious.

Dance as if you were 90 years old

Choose Option "D"  (visit photo artist)

The wisdom often quoted is that we should "Dance as if no one were watching."

That is not wise at all without some qualification to that statement.  Dancing as if no one were watching could be problematic and unwise.  Who dances like that, anyway?

Let's look at the possibilities of people who dance as if no one were watching:

a.  Children:  great improvisation, freedom, absolute joy, no guilt or shame afterwards, floorcraft with damage to things but not other people, parallel playfulness.*

b.  Drunk people:  great improvisation, freedom, absolute (drug-induced) joy, bad floorcraft, a hangover and shame to review the dance from the subway video camera replay while in jail with your lawyer, floorcraft that included damage to things and people before the police arrived, liquid-induced solitary playfulness.  [Yes, a few poor souls also dance at milongas as if they were drunk but are not.]

c.  Crazy people:  great improvisation, freedom, absolute joy, erratic floorcraft before the ambulance came, not enough sense to even consider shame as an option, solitary playfulness.

d.  90-year old tangueros:  great improvisation, freedom, absolute joy, great floorcraft, aware that other are watching but worried about stranger's opinions, excellent partner-playfulness.

Of the above four possibilities (there are more of course), I try to choose "d" when given the chance to dance one more time before I die (every dance as if it were my last).

When we are 90 years old we won't wonder why we hadn't been more circumspect.  You probably won't tell yourself, "I really should have worried more about what total strangers thought of me!"   If we are still active and able at 90, we will be glad we danced in the street among strangers without a care of others' opinions.

But why wait to be wise?

Why do people wait until their 90's to regret that they didn't dance in the street more?  The answer is easy:  Perhaps because they did not want to be seen as (a) childish, (b) drunk, or (c) crazy.

I learned something important as I learned to ride a unicycle with my children at age forty-nine.  I really looked awkward -- actually hilariously stupid -- learning to ride the unicycle.  But I vowed that I would pretend that people could not see me.  Now my children and I still enjoy going out and playing street hockey on our unicycles because I refused to worry about what others might think.

Below is a video of Maria and I in the streets of Strasbourg, France after one of the greatest milongas we have ever gone to the night before in Kehl, Germany (a boarder town to France).  We were acting like 90-year old tangueros who were trying to catch up with all the dancing-in-the-street that we could!  Notice please, how stupid I look in my extremely bouncy walking shoes!  Look at how Maria cannot keep her clogs on her feet and is laughing:  Great improvisation to excellent musicians playing a tango for us; total freedom of spirit; absolute joy and tenderness, great floorcraft with no collisions with dogs, children, goal-driven tourists; no shame afterwards (¡sin vergüenza!); excellent partner-playfulness.

 

But why am I telling the world?  What a paradox!  Am I truly dancing as if no one were watching and then posting a video?  Really, I am not telling the world but a few readers, and I am writing notes and posting a video in case I have a bad memory when I am 90 years old.  :-)   No, seriously, this is not a performance or something to be proud of.  I just am happy to be dancing as if I were 90 years old and hope you will join the rest of us who no longer worry about who is watching (or even hope that someone is watching) -- that's immaturity is for youngsters under 90.  Join the "Over-Ninty Dance Cub."  You can join early if you choose "D."

Did I say 90?  That is just the start.  Please enjoy the 100th birthday dance for Carmencita Calderón!




*Parallel play is a term for developmentalists who chart when children go from parallel play (play next to each other but not with each other) to the next phase of partnership play.

Tango: Balm or Addiction?

I am Addicted to Air,Water and Tango


I am addicted to air.
I try not to breathe but I just cannot seem to stop.
I am addicted to tango.
She and I synchronize our breathing.
We find a breath that defines the music as us.
This breathing addiction consumes me.

I am addicted to water.
I can go for about a day, but I give up.
I am addicted to tango.
The fluidity of movement washes over my soul.
I feel like I am truly alive and this fluidity purifies me.
My addiction to fluidity of motion consumes me.

I am addicted to food.
I can go without food during a fast, but I become weak.
I am addicted to tango.
The community of tangueros and tangueras nourishes me.
I realize how much I am hungry for connection.
My tango-fast cannot last.  I am am addicted.

I am addicted to shelter.
I try to be out in the open and rely just on myself,
But I become cold and wet or too hot, and give up my quest.
I am addicted to tango.
The world pelts me with cold rain or I wilt under its stress.
I try to be just myself, but I find myself once again seeking shelter
In her embrace.  I admit it -- pure addiction.

The embrace is my air -- call it an obsession if you wish.
The musical fluidity of movement is my water, truly my weakness.
The community of dancers my nourishment -- my addiction, I guess.
Tango's gestalt is my fortress, in the great hall we dance.
I am addicted, you might say...

But I say I am surviving life -- if joy be "survival."
Join me in my "addiction."
Come get your fix.





Photo credit:  http://www.allbestwallpapers.com/waterfall_wallpapers.html

FDA Warnings on Tango

Warning:  Your stage tango may be
hazardous to my health.

Late last night to my amazement, I saw an advertisement for Argentine tango was on television.  It was wonderfully done.

The couple was all alone on the dance floor as others watched them. The camera panned across the adoring faces of those watching. Then I saw close-ups of the dancers' feet, a shot of their hands together and moments of passion expressed on their faces.  The dancers dramatically displayed well rehearsed moves that needed no lead-and-follow because they had learned patterns they had practiced over and over.

At the end of the advertisement, the tango scenes continued with wonderful moments of ecstasy and grace, but at the very end, like a new medicine advertisement, a hurried voice mentioned all the side effects that the Federal Drug Administration had required the tango industry to include:

"Side effects include loss of friends, loss of money and harm to others," the rapid-fire machinegun voice said. Without a breath he went on to say, "Many tango students report that they eventually only horrified good dancers on the social dance floor.  50% of those who buy this product report that they experienced the side effect of endangering others on the dance floor.  The other 50% were simply unaware of how much they were endangering others. Not recommended for children under 30."

Of course this was only a dream.

But I invite you to watch the faces of those new to tango, watching social tango dancers. After two seconds they are bored. But those who have bought into the the above tango-drug really can can catch everyone's eyes. The beginners are watching and hoping that they one day can do the cool moves too. But that's not all! Our stars-in-their-own mind see others too!  Tango dancers trained in emergency medicine are watching in case they are needed to help those who might become injured.  But that's not all! As seen on cable TV tango is also drawing those who . . . yes, watch cable TV, who are no entranced, watching the best B movie every made -- tango without laugh-tracks to cue the audience when something is in reality truly absurd.

Before the FDA gets involved, don't you think it is time to require a product claim for tango?  For those teachers who are selling showmanship tango for social dancers, shouldn't a side-effects warning be required? Stage Tango on the social dance floor, like all ego-enhancing drugs, should have a warning.

One must weigh the benefits against the side effects.

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Photo Credit: On the Air and In the Air Tango http://www.verbum.biz/blog/?paged=2

Why she is smiling in his arms?

I have rarely felt envy in dancing.  I love watching people who can dance better than I.  But the other night I felt envious of a guy dancing with a tanguera I know pretty well. I saw the person I practice with dancing with a new guy in town and she was smiling with him in a way that she rarely does with our dancing. We were not connecting at all that night. It was really terrible in fact. Partly, the floor was too slippery for the leather shoes I had on. But it only got worse.

Finally, I made a comment that we were not connecting well that night. She said that it was because I was too interested in my own steps rather than hers. The most hurtful critiques are the ones we fear are true. Really, am I that bad? Maybe, but it is also a slap in the face to have to take the full blame for the disconnect.

I felt that she had broken a sacred agreement and an important element of tango etiquette not to critique your partner on the dance floor. I had, of course, opened the door by commenting on OUR dancing that night.

I was ready to walk out the door. I was fuming and mad at myself for being envious of him doing such a great job of making her smile so wonderfully.  It seemed that she had been frowning the whole time with my dancing that night.

I did not leave because I had so many friends I wanted to dance with. My dances with them were wonderful. I was smiling a lot. Finally, I danced with a short Chilean woman who hardy was getting to dance at all that night.  The dance with her was absolutely wonderful. I hope my practice partner wasn't watching. I was smiling just too much!  But when I did start dancing with my practice partner, we were once again tuned and we were both smiling.

What happened that night?

The next day, I read an article, called "Misunderstanding the affective consequences of everyday social interactions: The hidden benefits of putting one's best face forward" by Dunn, Elizabeth W., et al. in the American Psychology Association's PsychNet online resource.

The authors would have done better research if they had been tango dancers.  Tango shows us that we humans do better with our close relationship when we interact with strangers. Perhaps this psychological phenomenon is similar to biological in-breeding.  Once we become "familiar" (from the word family), dancing can become stale without outside influences. On a social level, people learn a lot about themselves and their own creativity by having interactions with strangers. However, when people are asked to rate the enjoyment of an interaction with a close person versus "that stranger over there" the participants in a psychological study found that they over-rated the enjoyment they would have with someone they know, and under-rated the enjoyment they thought they would have with a total stranger.

I think that people who really love tango and are couples or practice partners should take note. It is good for your dancing, your relationship and your dance progress to dance with others.  The thing we learn the most is that what works with strangers, works with those closer to us.  If we treat friends and family with as much attentiveness and simple respect, great things happen.  When the researchers instructed people to put as much effort into their close partner as they did with the stranger, the interactions with the partner was much better.

Since that time, we talked about the disconnect, and I found out that a milonga she feels I try out too many things.  I told her that I was afraid I was boring her.  She just wanted to get in a groove and enjoy things that are know to work, and then apply the millions of variations of these simple elements to the particular orchestra being played in that tanda.

Then last night something very remarkable happened.  The music was playing all by itself at the practica when I came in and no one was there.  I danced by myself.  It was euphoric.  She arrived and we danced.  We had classes we wanted to review, but we just danced and danced and danced.  I cannot tell you which cloud we danced on, but it was past cloud nine.  Others came and all tandas I had were this way last night -- absolutely heaven on earth.

No -- even better than heaven on earth.  The angels were envious as they watched that night.

I turned and told one of the angles.  "There is no reason to be envious.  You might want to try what I did.  Dance with a stranger."



Note: Dunn was co-other with Biesanz, Jeremy C.; Human, Lauren J.; Finn, Stephanie.
Source of reference with link to the original work from the American Psychology Association's:
http://psycnet.apa.org/?&fa=main.doiLanding&doi=10.1037/0022-3514.92.6.990

Photo Credit: Woman smiling http://www.helltodanaw.com/tag/dating/

Breaking Bread: the Essence of Tango

Julia Elena, a local promoter and tango teacher in Washington, D.C., asked me to introduce an evening of live tango music and spectacular tango dancing.  The event was sponsored by the Argentine Embassy in D.C.

Perhaps I was the wrong person to ask.  I am not one to go to such an event because tango to me is a social event of feeling and connection, and stage tango seems to be -- at least at times-- the very opposite of my sense of what tango is.  Also, it tortures me to sit and watch tango;  I would rather dance than watch people dance.  To be fair, it is true that I am often deeply moved by performers.  Moreover, who can deny that great feats of balance, strength and beauty expressed at many performances?  I had fun this time because at times I was back stage moving around to the music.  Gott sei dank, I didn't have to sit down the whole time!

Below is the longer version of what I wanted to say.  The original was somewhat shorter because of time restraints:

Welcome to a night of Tango Argentino.  Tonight some among us have never seen this incredible music or seen this beautiful dance.  Tonight, if you are new to tango, I believe your life may be changed, as was mine six years.  How could I have been a professional musician and lived for three years in Latin America without knowing about the wonderful music and dance of tango until recently?  So it would not surprise me if many people tonight have gone through their lives without knowing anything about Argentine Tango.

El Tango!  What a magical thing!

"Tango" -- this is an interesting word.  Some scholars claim that it comes from the word "drum" or what people do around a drum.  Many scholars deny this, but perhaps it is because in tango today we mostly have orchestras without drums or drummers.  But I like this definition of tango.  I'll tell you why:  The dancers are the drummers!  In rock music, the drummer strikes instruments with feet and hands.  We tangueros and tangueras use just our feet.  Our instrument is the floor, and we accompany the orchestra.  Ideally, no step is taken unless the music requests that step.

Also, in tango we use the word "accompany" a lot.  The musicians accompany each other and we accompany each other on the dance floor.  In the best moments, the dancers join the orchestra as honorary members.  We dance this dance without prescribed steps.  We improvise and dance one moment with the rhythms which came out of Africa that are explicitly or sometimes hidden behind each tango.  Later in the same tango, we might change and follow the flowing lines of the violins.  Our feet might sweep the floor and slow our steps, crying along with the squeeze box, called the bandoneón, this iconic instrument brought from the Rheinland of Germany by immigrant musicians.  The dancers accompany the music, and the music, the dancers.  The woman accompanies the man and the man, the woman.  At this moment we all become tangueros and tangueras, sharing as couples and as a community.

Interestingly the central word of "accompany" (acompañar) is "pan" -- the word for "bread."  At its root "acompañar" means "to break bread together."  In the orchestra we see distinct roles of each instrument.  On the dance floor, the man and woman have distinct roles too.  Yet, we all sit down to "break bread."  It is as if I have as a man brought flour from the mill home, and my partner has made the bread, but we break bread together and enjoy its taste and nourishment.  This what we do in tango.  This is the essence of tango:  To break bread, to share in the emotions of life through music and dance.   Tango is sharing nourishment for the soul through music, movement and an embrace.

So tonight, if this is you first evening of tango or a yours is life-long experience, please accompany the musicians and the dancers and each other in this moment of the magic of tango.  When you do, you are truly tangueros and tangueras.

Enjoy the show!

Photo Credit:
Feet drumming  http://www.mynewsletterbuilder.com/email/newsletter/1410212127

Special thanks to Alejandra, one of the D.C. tango event editors, who had a great dictionary and a lot of curiosity about the way I was using "acompañar" as a replacement for "lead and follow" in an earlier post.  She is the one who discovered that "pan" was hidden in the word "acompañar." See "companion" or accompany in any good dictionary.

Tango as an Analogy for Business

Imagine that you return to visit your old office.  You resigned because of your heavy-handed boss.  He has since become a wonderful tango dancer, and it has transformed him.  Why?  What would you imagine to be different about him? 

Let me guess: It would NOT be because he now knows how hard it is to be a follower.  Instead I would guess that perhaps he now knows about partnership and how the mission (like music) really guides everyone.  He might be sensitive to distinct roles that work together wonderfully.

So when the corporate minds start noticing tango, great things might start happening?  Right?  Well, not quite.




Ira Chaleff's book The Courageous Follower has great ideas for the business world, and at some level tango can help in understanding the outcome he seeks as "partnership"; however tango as partnership should be applied and not the lead-and-follow analogy.

The tango community itself  has done a poor job developing the words to describe the magic of the distinct roles of men and women in tango.  Will the business world get a sense of what tango truly is if we have not?

In English we did not consciously decide to take "lead and follow" from ballroom over terms in Spanish.  But we did.  We didn't know better.  It is true that "seguir" (to follow) is used in Spanish.  But the word for the male role is to accompany his companion (compañera), not "follower."  Some, like Murat Erdemsel, has suggested we can drop the "f" and her role becomes "allower."  That's better.  I know this to be true.  Does she allow me to pause with the music?  Does she allow me to dance more than one or two steps on her left side before forcing me to go to the other side (like all of her teachers have told her to do)?  The other side to this is that I must also allow her to hear and respond to the music; so even this word does not encapsulate the spirit what the Yin-Energy of tango is.

Sharna, who is quoted by the speaker, once told me that the woman's role is best described as the "keeper of possibilities."  That's better than "follower" too.  The problem this term has, just like "allower," is that it works well with both roles.  The "keeper of possibilities" pertains to me just as much to my partner.  So, it is true that the distinctive roles are very well signified by "lead and follow."  But it ends there as an analogy, especially with each developmental step away from being a rank beginner.

We have so easily adopted all sorts of Spanish words less important than the the magic of the distinct roles of men and women in tango.  We could have said "tango dance" for milonga.  Or "figure eights" for ochos.  The list goes on of all the Spanish words we use.  Why don't we use the word compañero and compañera?

One can try to deny it but lead-and-follow as a concept is at its base is a military analogy.  It seemed to make sense in dance.  However, the magic of dance is poorly served by this analogy.  Today in the dance world and even tango we not only have a great deal of energy protecting these terms with dancers.  We have classes on both roles under these poorly chosen terms.  Are the roles distinct as lead-and-follow? Yes!  But being distinct as does not make them become these things.

Unfortunately tango classes are leading the way in defining this word "followership" for the rest of the world.  The business world, very conservative roles in marriage, the military, dictatorships and others can benefit by using the word we promulgate and have created.  The world can turn to tango as a great way of describing subordination!  ¡Que lástima!  Instead, shouldn't the world turn to the magic of this wonderful, improvisational dance to understand partnership?

Business and all sorts of human interaction could learn from the magic of dance and especially the innovative and extemporaneous dance that Argentine tango is.  However, the word "followership"used in tango is mistaken because the words were philosophically incorrect and limiting as descriptors of what tango is.  It is true that all words limit what they describe, but "lead and follow" lead the way as obstacles for understanding the magic of tango.  We couldn't choose two more misleading words!

I respect the outcome of Ira Chafleff's book, which is to get corporate leaders and subordinates to a state of partnership.  Yet, he is one among many who overstate the difficulty of one role over the other. He ends up saying that being a follower is harder than being a leader.  He quotes a scholar and one a tango teacher.  So what!  Followership is truly harder the more heavy-handed a leaders is.  Consider your worst boss.  Following him was more complex than his leading and more difficult.  Now let's consider great leaders: Kennedy, King, Gandi, Buddah, Moses, Jesus.  They had the easier role as leaders?  We need more than just a scholar and a tango teacher to persuade us of this theory.  Many tango teachers agree with Ira Chafleff and Sharna that the "follower" has the more difficult job.  Surely a tanguera's work is harder if she has a tanguero who is heavy-handed.  Has he taken his role as a "leader" too seriously instead of the magic of partnership within distinct roles?   Contrary to Mr Chafleff's hypothesis, even a female beginner who has no idea about her role can be taken down a magical path of dance Nirvana with a man who is sensitive to her abilities and a man who truly listens to the music.  Such a compañero will give her wonderful clues of where he will take her next.  Is her role at that moment harder?  These comparisons of "whose role is harder" is sadly counter-productive and do not describe the magic of tango as I experience it.  Rather, these expressions come out of the world of who-is-better or who-is-working-harder -- the world of discrimination against others.  This is the nonsense that women say to each other when men are not listening or men say when women are not in the room.  Nonsense!

In conclusion, the most important issue here is that a lead-and-follow is not what is happening in tango.  Men and women accompany (acompañar) each other on the dance floor.  The music leads.  Tango is far more magical than the leader-follower mistake analogy could ever convey.  Anyone who has experienced the magic of tango, I believe, must feel this in their heart.   Join the many who reject poorly chosen expressions to describe tango.  Join us in ushering a better way of conveying what tango is to beginners and even to ourselves.  The end of using lead-and-follow is near.



Note:
Also see an earlier post that used the full well-done video clip that is seen only in part above.

Tango and the Music of the Spheres

Title:  "Music of the Spheres"

By far one the most beautiful dreams I have ever had was after a class on musical transliteration.  We would have to hear music and then write it out.  I can tell you that I was not very good at this, and am proudly envious of Toby, my son, who can recognize exactly what note or cord is being played.

Anyway, one late afternoon following my music transliteration class, I took a nap.  I dreamed that I, along with an entire room of people, were watching the music of the universe as it expressed itself in matched colors and tones.  The room was filled with rainbows, and we were doing our best to write down what we could get.  No one could get it all.  But we did our best.  We were all deeply in awe.

I did not wake disappointed but happy that somehow I saw the truth.  That God's universe is out there and we are just doing our best to piece together what we can understand.

This concept of a universal music is pretty much unknown now, but great thinkers up untill the end of the Renaissance in some way believed in Musica Universalis.  We modern and very self-important people have given up on Musica Universalis.

But imagine living in a world in which harmony presented itself everywhere.  A planet, moving along a finite path had its own own tone or group of tones.  This was the music of the spheres.  At the time there were 8 planets and they all were attached to a certain moving sphere.  The movement of each sphere had its own musical expression.

I don't simply believe in the "music of the spheres."  I know about it.  I was there.  I saw it.  And I experience it in tango all the time with my own tone and my partner's musical tone.

My compañera (the one who accompanies me in this path) has more than just a sense of the music playing as we dance, but perhaps even a sense of the the music of the universe (musica universalis).  Maybe her vision and fine-tuned intuition pulls me into new dimensions of musicality.  Maybe the music so fully guides us both that our musical auras intertwine and take us both to a place that we may naively believe to because of the other, but it was really a higher sense.  Maybe we have our own musical combined musical tones or phrase, and when combined with each they create a completeness and a wonderful harmony.  At the end of such a dance, she might say, "You are such a good lead."  But it really was her; it was us.  When I tell her that I cannot take the credit, she discounts my statement as false humility.  But it is true.

The music of the spheres includes all objects in relation to each to other.  That great tanda was a whole universe orchestrated together in that moment.  It was "the music of the spheres."  Perhaps we should not discount ideas that Plato so readily believed.  Perhaps this early cosmological theories that entwined astrology, mathematics and music should not have been so fully discounted.  I have chosen to join the Renascence Mind.  I hope you will join me. I promise you do not have to dress up for the part!


Resource:  Musica univeralis  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Musica_universalis


Photo/Art Credit:  http://bumwardoimortal.deviantart.com/art/Music-Of-The-Spheres-color-169935044
Musical notes of planets: http://www.sodahead.com/living/which-planet-would-you-most-like-to-visit-the-music-of-the-spheres/question-1258595/?link=ibaf&q=music+of+the+spheres&imgurl=http://www.earthstation1.com/MySpace/KeplersMusicOfTheSpheres.jpg

Logotango: Tango with personal meaning

Dr Frankl suggested that a "Statue of Responsibility" be placed
on the West Coast to compliment the "Statue of Liberty."
This sketch in part of the the current plan.

The story of Viktor Frankl's life is the story of Logotherapy.  He was the founder of the so-called "Third Viennese School of Psychotherapy," following Sigmund Freud (the will to pleasure) and Alfred Adler (the will to power).  However, Dr. Frankl felt that humanity's will to have meaning was more important than pleasure and power.  ["Logo" comes from the Greek word "Logos," signifying meaning, reason among other things.]


From Viktor Frankl's lead, I am suggesting the term Logotango: Tango with personal meaning and purpose.


For those interested in the background of this remarkable man and how his work and philosophy fits into tango, I have a permanent resource page that gives a larger background of Dr. Frankl and Logotango.  The shorter version of this post continues below.    


Logotango describes the positive and powerful influence has in many people's lives.  If you are going to dance tango for more than just a fad season of you life, it will have to "survive" many things.  If it has a purpose, then it will survive.  I will even go so far as to say that you must dance Logotango if you wish to dance through your life.  Otherwise, my guess is that someday you will be "cured" from your tango addiction (a Freudian, negative philosophy).  Logotango lives on and continues to bring you and others joy.  But purpose and meaning must continue to be redefined and rediscovered.


The four elements of how many people understand the meaning of life are: purpose, values, efficacy, self-worth. Baumeister and Vohs (2002) have synthesised these four factors from their interviews with many people. If you do not build these things into your tango, who will?


I will share my explanations of Logotango using the four above categories:


Purpose:  I am aware of basic needs being met in tango.  I need air/food/water/shelter.  I get all of those at a milonga.  I need human touch.  I get this more than anywhere else in the world as a single man at a milonga.  I need to move.  All human beings would soon die if they were not allowed to move.  A person would soon go mad.  I could run or bike or walk, but dance is the best of all.  Now, my purpose beyond some basic needs as described by Freud:  My purpose in tango is to share the joy of the music with another person.  They way I share this with her and she with me will be a unique experience.  My purpose too is to be a part of the larger community of tango.


Values:  I love the sense of culutre that counters a world without values, kindness, gentleness.  The tango world has only the values I bring to it.  Sure, I am influenced by what others have defined as "Tango Culutre."  But ultimately, I must express my values as a gentleman and live my values of kindness.  What a great community to practice these and receive these!


Efficacy:  After a tanda, there is a sense that "we made it there together."  What a great moment to share, over and over.  I maintain efficacy by taking classes and always learning/practicing efficiency, the twin sister of efficacy.


Self-Esteem:  Skill development only starts after about 700 hours of work on most skills.  In tango there are skills upon skills upon skills.  And they all keep returning to the basics.  I have put in my 700+ hours, and this builds my sense of self-mastery.  In my case, my years of musical study and practice adds another level of joy and mastery, and tango allow me to return to a part of my life that I had somewhat abandoned as a former professional musician.


Logotango is tango with meaning.  The meaning must be yours.  Share it with me!  Perhaps it will bring meaning and purpose to my world.

PS:  Also see the article: The Meaning of Life (in Under 300 Words), which attempts to succinctly describe the meaning of life in just a few hundred words: Purpose - this could be living happily ever after, going to heaven or even (whisper it) found at work. Whatever it is, meaning in life comes from reaching goals and feeling fulfilled. Even though fulfilment is hard to achieve because the state fades, people need purpose. Values - people need a moral structure to work out what is right and what is wrong. There are plenty to choose from: some come from religion, others from philosophy and still others from your friends and family. Efficacy - people want to make a difference and have some control over their environment. Without that, the meaning of life is reduced. Self-worth - we all want to feel we're good and worthwhile people. We can do this individually or by hitching ourselves to a worthy cause. Either way we need to be able to view ourselves in a positive light.

Photo credit:
Go see more about the plans for Frankl's vision of a "Statue of Responsibility" to balance off the "Staute of Liberty":  http://www.sorfoundation.org/

A Competition-Free Zone

I had a dream about going to a village in which cooperation and teamwork are the only value.  The chief of the village showed me a race track in which the participants had many obstacles to overcome.  Each needed teamwork to overcome, and at the end the finish line was wide enough to have the whole team go over the line at the same time.  All things I experienced, including eating, were about ending together.  No one would get up after eating and clean up as the others ate.  They finished eating together by watching the pace of others.  They even drank the same way.

Then at night I was invited to see a village dance.  When I went into their dance arena I was amazed to see a group of musicians come out and one had a bandonión.  Could it be?  My jaw dropped down as they played a di Sarli tango.  My paralyzed shock made my body freeze as I heard the chief of the villiage explain tango.

"This is a dance that has a race track, but there is no beginning or end," he explained.  "It appears that everyone is dancing in couples, but in reality this is a dance of the whole community.  No one is trying to be better than another person.  Sure, there are talented dancers, but we all try to value the dance first between two people.  That means, that the man holds her as if she was the only woman in the world.  If she is old and sick, he holds and steadies her as if she were his beloved grandmother.  However he sees her at that moment, she is the only woman in the world."

I wanted to respond but I was still paralysed.

He knew that I was from the outside world of competition; so he explained more:  "The women learn also to be the same way.  She embraces the man as if he were the only man on earth.  Once they have done this, the dancer can also appreciate the others around them.  The dancers dance with the whole community with  playfulness on the dance floor that makes it a dance of the community.  If it were not this way, people could just stay home or dance alone in their kitchen."

Finally, I could speak, and said, "I see that they dance tango in a way I have not seen before.  Where did they learn those steps?"

"They didn't learn steps," says the chief.  "We found that once a teacher taught steps that competition took over.  We found that people horded steps and some were rich and other poor.  Other teachers competed to have more visually appealing steps, and soon the most visually appealing steps caused even more competition on the dance floor.  So now our teachers focus on how to embrace each other and how to follow exactly what the music is telling them.  We emphasize dancing together and dancing for your partner.  Since then, we have noticed a new level of original dancing and a new appreciation of how the music informs us where to put our feet.  It may not look as pretty as in the world of competition, but are people happy there?"

I shook my head to indicate a sad "no."  Then I woke up.  My newspaper was at my front door.  The Wall Street Journal, I read with my coffee, has an article about a legal case in Buenos Aires.  I am not surprised that the journalist would not understand the essence of tango.  He must be thinking "ballroom" or "Dancing with the Stars."  He reports on how xenophobic the Argentines are about wanting to have their own national championship.  This is tantamount to complaining that the English have a national marathon competition and they are being sued by Kenyans for not allowing them to run.  The article makes me wonder who will "win."  I am sure someone will.  Then will people be happy?  No!  So I hope to return to the village and have a talk with the Chief about this. Will you join me?

I said it was a dream.  But it is not a dream in the night.  It is my dream for tango.  The village is your community!  You are the chief.  Tango is your dance to help understand the rules and values of a world without competition -- if you will allow it to do that.  Be aware that once you establish this village and it grows with others that soon the world will find out about this great place.  The visitors will go home and maybe create competition-free zones or another little village.  Some reporter then, might visit each of these competition-free areas and write a traveler's guide.  Of course, everyone will want to go to the place that earned five stars on being the "best competition-free zone."  The world will certainly find out, and now the competition-free zones will need to compete for first place to keep the tourists coming.

There may not be a way preserve this state of mind of non-competitiveness.  Maybe we are doomed to make everything into a competition!  So I am comitted to living with the paradox of tango being antithetical to competitiveness but strangely well suited to competition.

Tango, like life, is a paradox.  But I hope that you and I will embrace this paradox.  One day we will meet and dance together.  If you are a man, I will dance near you/with you on this race track with no finishing line.  If you are a woman, please hold me as if I were the only man for that moment, and I will hold you as if you were the only woman.

Maybe this is not a really a dream; perhaps it is a delusion.  I like my delusions.  Will you join me, Chief?




Photo credit for village chief:
http://www.visualphotos.com/image/1x5075608/village_chief_in_ghana_africa

Highs and Lows at a milonga

If you put out your hand, perhaps you may find yourself richer than before. 

We all have had a tough milonga.  I have a pretty good idea that mostly the "highs" people have at a milonga are from excellent dancers, and the "lows" are from some beginner that tortures you though a tanda. Well, that has happened to me too, but not last night.

First, the Mountain High
Last night I put my hand out to a woman as she came near, wending her way through the crowd as I stood near the dance floor smiling at her.  She had assented to my cabeceo from about 4 meters away.  However, as I put out my hand, two women put theirs in mine!  Now I had a problem!

Every milonga has a story!  About four tandas later I told the lady who had mistakenly thought I was inviting her to dance, "Ma'am, I think I owe you a dance."  She seemed eager but very shy.  I asked her name, and from this intro, I started speaking to her in Spanish.  I found out that this little Peruvian lady had taken lessons but had never gone to a milonga before.   I don't think I will ever have a self-esteem issue after all the praise that sweet woman bestowed on me.  She didn't know that she was to stay with me for the three waltzes of the tanda.  She lavished embarrassing praise upon me, and nearly took off!  I had to stop her from leaving.  I told her about "el grupo de canciones" of a tanda.  I knew that as she was leaving that it was my way out of dancing more, but instead I danced the entire four songs of the tanda.  It was really wonderful. She was remarkably talented. It was her maiden voyage.  She made my night.

Now the Valley
I dance with a lot of very accomplished dancers; so I am certain that no one in my tango community will know who I am talking about.  After many wonderful dances with friends and some strangers, I finally danced with an accomplished -- no let's say, Very Accomplished Dancer.  In the middle of a milonga tanda she says, "You are dancing by yourself."  I was not sure what this means, mostly out of shock.  I have danced with women who are doing all sorts of decorations and I know how this feels.  It is hard for me to continue after such a nebulous and brash criticism but I listen to the music and do my very best.  She is sweet and it does not at least look like she is upset with me as we walk off the floor.  We go back and continue to talk.  She explains that I don't lead clearly with my torso and that milonga is more than just walking!  I am sure that I need to go in and revamp the entire way I dance.  Perhaps I should just find a bridge and end the torture I cause many pooer women!  She makes it clear that I am messing up on the most elemental level; so for the moment, I am considering just giving up altogether.  "Thanks for making this clear now!  I should have given up 4 or 5 years ago," I think to myself.

This phenomenon is called "Tango Trauma."  But it is easily healed.  Sure, I DO want to heed this unsolicited sage advice regarding my level of suck-ed-ness.  Surely it will make me grow because it did not kill me to hear her opinion, right?  Undoubtedly she had a good point that I have a long way to go and end point will lead me back to the most basic of things:  the embrace.  But how am I to psychologically survive to the next milonga?  I needed some sort of special milonga antidepressant!

I took one little "pill":  I remembered the little Peruvian tanguera.  I remembered how I got to be her first ever partner at a milonga and how she just was besides herself in joy.  And then a whole host of women stood in line behind her and reassured me of my worth.  The therapy worked.  I am whole again because I know that I hold no grudge against my Sage Adviser.  So even if you don't have too many experiences with other dancers, let these words embrace you:  You are unique and every person deserves to dance without criticism at a milonga.  When it does happen, sure it will hurt, but you will have many people who were and will be glad to have you in their arms.  Stick with these memories and thoughts.

Life has it's highs and lows, so does the milonga.  Dwell on the view from the mountain top.  You will need it to endure the Lessons of the Valley.



Outstretched hand photocredit:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/eyedeaz/3660876708/
The embracing words:
http://radiantfear.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-165-ezra-9-10-acts1-proverbs-1.html