Do not let Saint Peter Host your Milonga!

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  Saint Peter is the Host who greats you at the Pearly Gates--supposedly.  But you don't want to have someone like Pete hosting your milonga!   He is known more for not letting in people than for welcoming all who come.  Nonetheless, Saint Peter has certain needed skills. I will address these limited skills later.
  
  Who has been the best host at your favorite milongas? Did they greet you? If you had a problem, did they address it? If you were new to the milonga, did they orient you to the venue, like where to change your shoes? Did they introduce you to regular guests?

  Some organizers are stretched far too thin. They are simultaneously trying to host, run the bar, collect entry fees, fix floor issues, and DJ too! Having too many roles can turn hosts into "ghosts." Being a good host often works best when it is a delegated role on a milonga team. My wife and I agreed to be the delegated hosts at our favorite milonga in Saarbrücken, a nearby city over the border in Germany. 

  So I am asking myself:  What makes a great host stand out?  Can I be that kind of host?
  
  From my experience dancing tango across nine US states and seven European countries, I have seen a wide range of dos and don'ts for hosts. A thoughtful host sets the tone for the entire evening. Unlike the temporal arc of the DJ's audible presentation, the host is in charge of the spatial and social atmosphere. Beyond basic logistics, the host creates an environment where dancers feel welcomed, safe, and inspired to dance.

  The following lessons from my time of observing milonga hosts define what it takes to be a great host:

  Creating a Welcoming & Social Atmosphere

  • Greeting Guests: The most tangible mark of a great host is a warm welcome at the door—especially for solo dancers, out-of-town visitors, or newcomers.  While registration duties can be delegated to helpers, being present at the entrance is a host's most crucial duty. In my former career as a therapist, I always viewed the front desk staff as invaluable. A skilled receptionist calms patients in crisis and sets the emotional tone for the entire practice. A milonga host does the exact same thing: a host is the warm, reassuring presence people meet when they walk through the door.

  • Seating Facilitation: Friendly hosts gently guide solo dancers or newcomers toward active visual zones so they aren't isolated in blind spots or corner tables. While seating rules vary globally (from assigned seats in Buenos Aires to separated seating by gender in certain events), a host ensures guests never feel lost or embarrassed by unwritten rules about seating.

  • Community Integration: Introductions are the best tool for bridging social gaps. Good hosts lead by example, showing regulars how to make visitors feel included. How many times have I asked a sitting visitor for a dance, only to discover she was a fantastic dancer? Once others see how wonderfully she dances, suddenly she has a line of regulars waiting to dance. A host could have set that chain reaction in motion by introducing her to someone from the start.  Yet, it is the role of welcoming milongas to deputize everyone to be welcoming, even if you don't want to dance with them.  Warm milongas greet everyone as people, even if you do not dance with them.  That's easy right?  Large cities like New York, Berlin, Hamburg, or Munich can sometimes feel cold to visitors, but a proactive host can give any milonga a warm, small-town feeling.

  Managing the Dance Floor & Music

  • DJ Coordination: One common oversight is a lack of ongoing communication between the host and the DJ regarding volume. Sound levels should stay comfortable and safe (under 100 decibels to protect hearing). Hosts and DJs can easily use free decibel meter apps on their phones to monitor levels as the room fills up and the acoustics shift.

  • Floor Navigation (Ronda): Hosts should discreetly monitor floor traffic. If collisions become a pattern with a particular dancer, manage the floor gently. Nobody likes a "tango cop," but a good host can rein in a careless dancer with a few kind, private words.  Rarely is it necessary to kick someone out, but a good host can do that when spotting poor navigation skills (accidents) or sexually inappropriate behavior.  Remember St. Peter?  He is fully cabable of telling people to go to hell when necessary.  ;-)

  Safety, Comfort & Logistics

  • Environmental Control: Continuously monitor room temperature and airflow. Red-faced dancers or followers sitting in sweaters are clear signs that the climate needs adjusting.

  • Refreshments & Hydration: The first milonga I ever visited with a free water station was Flores in Mannheim, Germany; they still had plenty of patrons buying drinks at the bar! Where I live in France, free table water is a standard part of the culture. Keeping dancers hydrated—especially in the summer—is essential.

  Luckily, my wife and I are teaming up to host our first milonga together, bringing the best habits we've learned from friendly, competent hosts over the years.  Especially at the beginning of a milonga, it will be good to have two hosts to welcome everyone.

  As my wife and I prepare to host our first milonga together, I'd love to hear from you: Who is your favorite tango host, and what do they do that makes their milonga special? Did I leave anything out?

  
  
  
  
  Photo Credit:  The image is a statue of Saint Peter holding the keys to the Kingdom, located on the roofline façade of St. Peter's Basilica in Vatican City. This marble sculpture was designed by the Italian artist Giuseppe De Fabris.

What is Wrong with The Lady in the Red Dress?

 

Have you ever noticed that the lady in red dress is leading the man? 

Look again, her left hand is up. 

What else is wrong?  She appears to be following as well.  That is, her right arm is up in a follower's position.  This painting was last auctioned off for £744,800 in April 2004. It could be a symbol of a world in which men and women can be equally good at roles that are (poorly) called "leading and following."  Wouldn't you like to be in this new world in which women and men can show the way, take the lead when they have the talent?  It wasn't always possible.  Women were not allowed to be in many universities in spite of their high intellect and motivation until relatively recent history!  It's a new world.  You know someone who does not like this world.  How would they like going back?  Women not having the right to vote?  Not allowed in engineering classes?  Assummed to be stupid in the game of chess?  Stay-at-home moms only?  Only following in tango?  Maybe pick and choose?  Tough luck!  It isn't going to happen for any of these unless you live in a country like Afghanistan.*  Learn to lead and follow in all these areas and more!

As for "followership" or the Yin energy of Yin and Yang, both men and women can be appropriately vulnerable and willing to follow sensitive and talented way-finders.  This is Yin energy.  This painting is a symbol of the double-role person--not just a dancer, but a person who is capable of navigating the world well on one hand, and also being vulnerable on the other hand.  They can close their eyes and trust a worthy "guide," which is the term used in France instead of "leader."

The answer to the title, What is Wrong with the Lady in the Red Dress, is simple:  Nothing is wrong with her or her partner.  They are symbols, although unwittingly by the artist's mistakes, that there are many possibilities in the world in which we now live.  Many would like the world to stay where it once was, but if that were to happen, they, perhaps, might be the loudest to complain.  

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*In the case of Afghanistan, a man cannot dance with a woman at all.  How would you like this world, dear tanguero?