tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8035244062520832583.post2301639364638747957..comments2024-03-21T14:56:18.159-04:00Comments on Tango Therapist: The Rogue Dancer: Your ProblemTango Therapisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548118004604256736noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8035244062520832583.post-32391122659287068052014-07-30T16:59:24.104-04:002014-07-30T16:59:24.104-04:00SMW (Sara): Of course I want you to approach the ...SMW (Sara): Of course I want you to approach the person? If you lived in a country where there was a weak government, and the person damaged your car, would you not approach the person? In Germany, everyone has personal insurance that covers even dancers in case the person must go to the doctor. Why should you pay a specialist for your therapy? (If needed.) <br /><br />I also do not hold back my pain. Who are we protecting? The Rogue Dancer by being quiet? But you already did this but making a scene. Good job! Sure, accidents happen, and for someone whom you know is normally very good, you will automatically act differently. Every person hurt on the dance floor should be at least as "histrionic" as a soccer player in the World Cup. Which says: "The bastard needs a red card!" So you did it. What good will it do to put a nice little assessment in his bag? Public shame was enough? I think talking to the person is good too. Giving the assessment may help. The Rogue Dancer: Your Problem. <br />Tango Therapisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12548118004604256736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8035244062520832583.post-58591087632147954872014-07-30T15:40:53.739-04:002014-07-30T15:40:53.739-04:00I might be printing this for the leader who manage...I might be printing this for the leader who managed to do a number on my ankle Tuesday. While I know that they feel badly (my yelling F* louder than the music and jumping up and down was notification and quite unlike me) the same couple still ended up running into, albeit more gently, at least one other dancer several times later on in the night.<br /><br />Is it my job? Do you really want the person who was directly injured approaching the people who injured them? Yes, I'm sure they feel bad and embarrassed (they did stop dancing long enough to get me a bag of ice which I needed), but as they still ran into someone else several more times after hitting me I'm thinking that perhaps the self-realization of the problem is severely lacking.<br /><br />Is the organizer actually going to approach them and risk alienating them? This was probably a fluke, they probably haven't hit anyone else this hard, but accidents do happen.smwhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02872985563424976698noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8035244062520832583.post-58964885162900734522014-07-26T19:12:12.131-04:002014-07-26T19:12:12.131-04:00Querido PoRiLo... thank you for the anonymous note...Querido PoRiLo... thank you for the anonymous note that you have left in my blog’s “shoe bag.” Unlike your strong emotional reaction and scorn for anyone who would do such a thing, I think it is entirely okay! <br /><br />I appreciate your concerns, and your suggestion to speak directly to people is a GREAT IDEA. I would included it in my suggestions, but there is no need, since I already did. One problem with blog posts is that folks seem to read superficially and react to a cursory reading. So lets look at what my post actually says, instead of arguing about what you thought I said. Is that fair?<br /><br />(1) You say of my suggestions that... "Nothing fits better the definition of what passive-aggressive behaviour is." This makes me wonder how aggressive my recommendations are since they are not passive. Is it truly aggressive to leave an anonymous note? Even if it were, your claim is overstatement that it is the epitome of passive-aggressivity. Scratching up the person’s car with “learn better floor craft or die,” would be the epitome of passive-aggressive behaviour. The letter I proposed had two options, and includes the words ..."I am willing to discuss this with you because I value you as a dancer." Clearly this is not passive-aggressive. However, not speaking to someone directly is only created from a community who has failed to address an individual who is an advanced dancer. I leave the option of anonymity because the very personality that invades others' space and even harms others or risk harms is likely to have an explosive personality. That is why they have developed their entitlement and feeling that it is okay to endanger others over many years. Your suggestion is for reasonable people, and I agree with you suggestion. Also, the dynamics of the situation and the timidity of the person wishing to take action is different than your very assertive style (shown with your recommendations and tone with me). What if a woman leaves a note saying: "I love dancing with you, Fulano, but please take a shower before coming to dance," is this also not allowable? Is this passive-aggressive? Refusing to dance with him doesn't fix the problem and is simply "passive." Speaking with the person could be very embarrassing. I think you have made a strong point for taking action which many people will not be willing to do; therefore, doing nothing is the default. THAT is how this expert dancer has gone for so long, oblivious to his egocentric behavior.<br /><br />(2) I am wondering where you thought that I spoke of “universal rules.” I am confused here. I never mentioned either word in my post.<br /><br /> (3) You give indications that some people just don’t know. Experts do not know? I think you read the post, right? I said, “Warning: This below explanation of "The Joy of Tango Traffic" is NOT for beginners; they learn from experts’ behaviour on the dance floor.” My blog post addresses problems with advanced dancers who have been working at their craft for many years, and have somehow decided that los códigos de tango do not apply to them. You say that these códigos are “often unknown to many dancers.” Really? I was aware of tango etiquette within a few months of dancing. You say that “... teachers who teach these manners in their lessons are few and far between.” I agree with you 100% here. Unfortunately some of the worst floorcraft behaviour comes from the teachers also! Perverse, no? <br /><br />We agree fully when you say,“Be friendly, be kind, and correct the ‘rogue dancer’ [off to the side], without exposing him.” I think this is best, but not always practical. I leave that up to the person to decide if they can be that assertive with the personality involved. The biggest problem remains: Being passive. Rarely is someone aggressive about these issues.<br /><br />Que te vaya bien, PoRiLo. --Mark<br />Tango Therapisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12548118004604256736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8035244062520832583.post-66980286724601948792014-07-26T17:18:48.520-04:002014-07-26T17:18:48.520-04:00I completely and strongly disagree with the propos...I completely and strongly disagree with the proposed.<br /><br />In my opinion, it is unacceptable to leave an anonymous message in someone's bag. Nothing fits better the definition of what passive-aggresive behavior is. An anonymous message is coward, inelegant and even offensive. Specially if the content of the message is some sort of test that can be interpreted as ironic scorn.<br /><br />The only right way to handle a situation where an individual disrupts the peaceful course of the milonga is to approach him directly and point to him his mistake, giving him friendly advice. In most occasions, this person acts that way because he is unaware of the trouble he is causing.<br /><br />Sadly, this "universal rules" that are so obvious to you are often unknown to many dancers, as not everyone follows tango blogs and the teachers who teach this manners in their lessons are few and far between. Be friendly, be kind, and correct the "rogue dancer" in an apart, without exposing him.<br /><br />Please, don't leave an anonymous in anybody's bag, this is not high school. If you have a problem with someone, you go and talk to them as adults. If I were to find such a message in my shoe bag I would not be pleased, I would disregard the message and my opinion on the person doing it would be seriously damaged.PoRiLohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06355620867804160119noreply@blogger.com