|"As she slid across the table and looked into my eyes I realized she wanted to dance. In fact I found her gaze irresistible."|
I cannot argue with the majority of women who are sure that the cabeceo* is a male-generated requested to dance. Recently, I even heard the words, "I hate the cabeceo" from a woman who is an advanced dancer. If not the cabeceo then what? But the argument goes on and on with the ladies who are sure that the cabeceo is for men, their egos and for women to be submissive. ¡No comprendo, de veras!
All I know is that I dance with women who make it very clear that they would like to dance with me by their eyes and posture. Who exactly is in charge of the initiation of the cabeceo is often an enigma. I would even argue that any man who is in touch with the social skills of a primate, will be very aware of a woman's willingness to spend time with her -- even if it is just for one tanda. And the same is true of a man's eyes. Primates are awfully sophisticated with this sort of thing, you know.
The argument comes back from women, "I can make it clear that I want to dance with him, but he still doesn't respond to my communication. So it is clearly up to the man." Not true. How is that any different for me or any man? I can show interest all night to a women and she may not respond. Just because a man wants to dance with certain women, she can look uninterested or even off in another direction when he comes near. Please tell me how is this "up to the man"?
So to fix it all, some would stop using non-verbal cues to request a dance. Does that mean I should now start asking all the women who have been looking away? God save us, if men and women start asking everyone with whom they would like to dance. There would be a wave of discontent at the milonga. Let's try it for a night for the women who hate the cabeceo. That would put an end to the controversy!
*Cabeceo: From the word "cabeza" (head), a nod of the head, indicating a desire to dance. For more on this and tango etiquette, please visit this link: http://tango-beat.blogspot.com/p/los-codigos-tango-etiquette-made-easy.html
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