This is the last of a series on dealing with rejection. The assumption from the start was that tango gives its own special challenges for rejection for both men and women. Tango is not to blame. Rather, feelings of rejection in tango are probably latent and unresolved rejections from early in life. It's like going back to "middle school" all over again. So now with new maturity and eight different solutions to rejection, I hope now that anyone reading this will get a sense of how wonderful it is when a person finds mature solutions rather than just giving up on tango and the challenge to grow psychologically and spiritually.
All Eight Solutions for Rejection
1. The "I-will-get-better" Solution. Maybe I am rejected now by better dancers, but eventually not. Here is the link.
2. The "Just-Ask" Solution. A risky solution, but one can ask the person who has systematically rejected us. (NOT to be used on the same evening or after a few rejections.) Here is the link.
3. The Military Solution. One stuffs feelings and is actively seeking to dance with others as a way to avoid a downward spiral into self-pity. Here is the link.
4. The tango walk by oneself Solution. Bi-lateral stimulation of a graceful walk has the brain finding solutions and resolution to problem. Here is the link.
5. The embrace Solution + Solution 4. Now bi-lateral stimulation to the brain through the walk is added with an empathetic embrace. Here is the link.
6. The tango community Solution. The community, same-sex friends, couple friendships helps us through seasons or moments of rejection. (This one is problematic if the community is unfriendly. Come to Austin.) Here is the link.
And finally, 7 & 8.
SOLUTION SEVEN is the dance-to-the-music solution.
As with other solutions, each solution (except 4 & 8) may be the central problem. If one allows the music to drive you to move, then it is more likely to be a solution. Until you get to that place, music may be the very thing that causes fear of rejection or is tied with love that was lost. But for now let's focus on the power of music to overcome rejection.
I used to feel nervous with certain women because they were tango teachers, or critical out loud in some way, or just by the way they approached the dance with a "show-me-what-you-got Mister" look. For the performance-oriented women (or my fear of them), I use this dance-to-the-music solution. It is sadly a common experience to run into a woman who is unkind, or clearly indicates that she expects me to prove myself.